Just Breathe
by rainandangels05
Summary: Elizabeth Cadden is harboring secrets that eventually will lead to her demise. She's determined to put her past behind her and focus on Team 1. Can Spike convince her to trust him and let the team help save her? Warning: Contains sexual assault.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello everyone! I hope you like the first chapter! I have the next 10 written and ready to go, so updates will be frequent! I would love to hear how I'm doing-leave me a review! Happy reading!**

"Her record speaks for itself" Sergeant Parker said mildly, looking at his team spread out around the conference room table. "And she did out preform every other applicant". He was fairly confident his team would select this applicant; she was his first choice. However, right now it was vital that the team felt like they had control over what was going on. He wanted everyone to feel like they made a group decision. It had only been six weeks since Lou's death. Greg was no longer able to put off the inevitable as the Commander had now ordered him to hire a replacement.

"Out preform? More like slaughtered them and all of our records" Wordy interjected. "I would be okay with her watching my back. I didn't know anyone could move that fast".

"Same," Jules began "She tends to fall into more defensive positions than offensive in hand-to-hand combat, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. She still managed to win every match. Her shooting was outstanding; she's rivaling Sam here. Plus we need more girls around here".

Sam nodded his consent; showing his agreement with Wordy and Jules.

"I'm impressed, she's young, but she's managed to get a lot of experience under her belt. Her military service is impressive—8 years in with 4 in special forces" Sam commented. "I was a little suspicious about her stature, she just seems so small, but she more than proved herself"

"I don't know…something feels off about this. She's almost too good. Her paperwork doesn't exist before 1986—"Ed Lane began before Parker cut him off.

"I am aware of this discrepancy. She had some exceptional circumstances in her past and those files have been sealed. I have spoken with the chief about her and her superiors from her military career and she has been fully vetted", Sergeant Parker explained. "It's not that she doesn't exist, or that the files don't, it's a case of a name change. Her records are only sealed for a case she was involved in as a minor. She changed her name—legally. That's why there isn't a paper trail".

"I noticed something weird about those the format of those files…" Spike began quietly. Everyone turned to him with guarded eyes. So far Spike had been silent about the replacement of his best friend. Everyone seemed to be surprised that he had gone as far as to look at anyone's file, let alone go to the trouble to access them online rather than the paper copy provided.

"Again, expected." Parker began, "Cadden was born in the U. S. those files are from the United States, she moved here 14 years ago".

Spike nodded to show his understanding.

"U. S. likes to do it their way," was his only comment.

"What's her name, her old one, I mean?" Wordy asked.

"That I am not authorized to answer. Her request-she changed it when she was adopted". Sergeant Parker answered. He had prepared to answer questions about this applicant. She was the best, but she also came with some conditions. These were usually grounds for disqualification. But, given what Greg knew, he wasn't going to penalize her for a past that she couldn't control. It helped that she had powerful people in her corner and she seemed to be willing to go above and beyond to prove herself.

"I don't know boss, I don't like it" Ed Lane was still unconvinced. "She has the skill, but why is her past part of a sealed file? What baggage is she carrying?"

"I'm okay with her" Spike said quietly, staring at the table.

Everyone exchanged glances. Spike had taken Lou's death the hardest. For him to give his blessing on the replacement was unexpected and carried extra weight.

"Her dad is Joe Cadden" was Spike's only explanation. Apparently he had noticed the glances that were being traded around him.

That had everyone's attention. Sam sat up in his chair, eyes wide.

"Woah… _the_ Joe Cadden?" Sam questioned. "I didn't know he had a kid".

Sam in particular understood the weight of that name. Joe Cadden was possibly one of the few people who garnered more respect than his father in the military.

Jules and Wordy both looked at Sam curiously, clearly not understanding the connection.

"Joe Cadden, as in Special Forces. As in one of the most elite, highly trained member of the military, Joe Cadden. Higher than my father." Sam explained.

Wordy raised his eyebrows at the news. He had no idea that this applicant was so well connected. He wondered why she bothered applying when her dad could easily get her in.

"He doesn't have children biologically," Parker sighed, answering Sam's first question. "He adopted her 15 years ago. He keeps it quiet, tries to keep her out from his shadow and protect her. She personally asked me to keep that out of her file. Didn't want it to color anyone's assessment of her. Apparently she is well aware of her father's reputation," the Sergeant noted with a hint of approval in his voice. "However, it is due to his report that her records haven't disqualified her. He personally has given evidence to the reasons behind the sealing. His reports corroborate with her commander's and training officer's reports of her emotional and mental wellbeing".

Joe Cadden was one of the most well know Special Forces operative in Canada. His accomplishments were heralded across the nation. Rumor had it that he had been asked to run operations but refused, preferring to apply his skills in the field and lead teams. Normally you weren't allowed to choose assignments in the military, let alone Special Forces. However Joe Cadden's reputation and skill set was that impressive that the military was willing to bend a little if it meant Joe continued his service. Of course, Joe was also known for his patriotism. There was little that would sway him from leaving the service. If Cadden had made her connection known then she would have been immediately fast tracked, as Sam had. Her discretion showed a level of integrity and personal determination that impressed the team. Spike had apparently made that conclusion when he found out Cadden's familial connections.

"Well…I guess we can try her out and if I see anything that shows even a moment of instability, she is gone" Ed Lane hedged. He wanted to keep Spike talking, but he also needed to protect his team. He resolved to watch the rookie closer than he ever has before.

"Alright, sounds like a deal. Everyone okay with Elizabeth Cadden?" Seeing the nods from his team members Sergeant Parker stood up and left to deliver the lucky news.

Elizabeth was nervous. Scratch that—Elizabeth was petrified. This was it. Everything that she had been working for all summed up in one moment. She held her breath as she waited for Sergeant Parker to announce who had made it past the rigorous trials and into the elite unit that was SRU Team 1.

"Congratulations Elizabeth, welcome to Team 1". Gregory Parker announced, a slight smile on his face as he looked at the new recruit.

Elizabeth couldn't believe it. She had made it. She was in. She barely heard her numb lips utter a faint thank you to Sergeant Parker. A sense of relief filled her only to be rivaled by a sense of pride blossoming. No one thought she had been capable of such a feat. In fact, as she glanced around right now, the other men (note that it had been only men and her) were looking at her with undisguised hostility and jealousy. Elizabeth lifted her head and ignored them. She had won the spot fair and square.

While Elizabeth Cadden had been ruminating on her success, the rest of Team 1 had gathered around her to give their congratulations.

"Jules, looks like we are changing your sign!" Sam joked, smiling at Elizabeth.

"About time we got another girl around here. I'll happily forfeit my sign!" Jules easy conceded.

Sam held his hand out to Elizabeth, "Welcome to team 1. You get to wear the cool pants now".

Elizabeth smiled at Sam, appreciating the kindness.

"That's what everyone wants, right? Cool pants are worth it" Elizabeth said, smiling.

The rest of the team finished congratulating her, alternating between shaking her hand and clapping her on the back. They had all filed out to their respective locker rooms. There had been a hot call earlier which had taken most of the day and left the team members weary.

"Welcome to the team Elizabeth, you start tomorrow 0400 with me for extra training in the morning. Get some sleep tonight" Ed Lane said unsmiling before clapping Elizabeth on the back and walking away.

Elizabeth barely had time to utter a bewildered "yes sir" before Ed was out of sight. Sighing she looked back at now empty meeting room—a thrill shooting through her as she realized she could now officially call it her work. She expected some backlash for her joining. Especially considering she was replacing a fallen team member. Already she seemed to be on her team leader's bad side.

"Don't worry about Ed. He's just intense," Sergeant Parker said with a chuckle. "Although, he isn't kidding about the training… I would go easy on the celebrating tonight." This time Elizabeth had gathered herself and was able to smile and utter a confident thank you.

"Listen, Elizabeth, I want to be transparent here" Sergeant Parker began. Elizabeth tensed. She was sure that this was some form of a joke and he was about to tell her she wasn't on the team. Elation quickly fell.

"No, no, it's nothing bad," Sergeant Parker assured, accurately reading her facial expressions. "Obviously, you know that I knew about your father. I want you to also know that I know about the case. Joe informed me of the specifics and gave me the files. Now I haven't shared that information with anyone on the team. I don't believe that it is mine to share. You can choose to share it if and when you feel ready. Although I would encourage you to put trust in your teammates.

You've shown that you can cope and work well despite this…tragedy. However, I want you to know that my door is always open to you, whenever you need it and for whatever reason. If there is something that hits too close to home, let me know. I won't think anything worse of you for it. No one will. Don't think that you made it here because I felt sorry for you or because your father pulled some connections. You made it here because you deserve to be here. You should be proud of yourself. Your scores shattered the previous records".

With that Sergeant Parker himself retired to the locker room. Clearly the call had taken more out of the man than he wanted to admit.

Elizabeth didn't know what to think about what her Sergeant had just said. Part of her was furious with Joe for sharing such personal information. Not even her commander in Special Forces had access to her case. That information was something that Elizabeth guarded and kept close to her heart. Despite the sense of betrayal, she knew why Joe had done it. She was going to be on traumatic calls. There were going to be triggers. She knew that Sergeant Parker needed to know. She just wished she had been consulted. Control was something Elizabeth had been fighting for since it had happened.

The sense of reassurance that Parker had just provided though was almost worth the intrusion into her privacy. She no longer needed to worry that he would find out her true name and fire her. She couldn't believe that knowing what he did, Sergeant Parker had advocated for her. Silently, she snorted thinking about his words to share it with the team. If she had her way, no one would ever hear anything about her past for the rest of her life.

Smiling again Elizabeth allowed herself to bask in her success for a couple more minutes before gathering her gym bag and heading to the parking lot. Elizabeth slide into her jeep and pulled out into traffic to head home.

She tried to contain her excitement but she wasn't able to quell the emotions coursing through her. Giving in, she pulled out her phone and hit speed dial. After barely one ring the recipient picked up.

"Well?" A deep male voice questioned. Elizabeth bit her lip, she could hear the anticipation in the voice and was overjoyed that she got to respond affirmatively.

"I got it!" Elizabeth crowed. "I'm in Team 1!"

"Yes! I knew it! Drinks tonight—we have to celebrate. Where are you?" The voice questioned, filling her with delight.

The voice on the phone was Joe. He had been coaching her from the beginning and had been the one insistent that she try out when a spot had opened on the team.

"I can't" Elizabeth sighed, "I have to go in tomorrow at 0400…the team leader doesn't seem to like me too much. He wants to do an early morning practice. I think that's code for break the rookie".

"Well Liz, that's normal. Given why they had an opening, expect a little flak from everyone. Just do your best and they'll see. We'll celebrate later. Just be careful heading home, okay? I can tell that you're on the road" Joe's comforting reassurance filled Elizabeth's heart with warmth. She knew better than to take Constable Lane's words to heart but she couldn't help feeling a little discouraged.

"Will do _Dad_ " Elizabeth stressed the word, laughing as she said it. Turning serious, Elizabeth frowned saying "Thanks for the consult on the info to Sergeant Parker". She hadn't meant for that to slip out, however, it was bothering her more than she cared to admit.

A sigh echoed over the phone line.

"Elizabeth…I did what had to be done. You know you can't do that job without telling them what's happened to you. It's too dangerous for you and the team".

Joe knew just the right things to say. He knew that appealing to her sense of duty and being a team player would immediately win her over.

"It's better that it came from me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't want you to throw your tests because you were worried about what everyone knew".

Again, Joe knew best. Elizabeth hated that. She wanted to take care of herself. Elizabeth surely would have suffered if she knew people had access to that information. She probably wouldn't have made it past the first round of cuts.

"I know…I was just surprised when Sergeant Parker mentioned it to me today…I appreciate you looking out for me. I just really wanted to do this on my own" There was a note of rejection in Elizabeth's voice.

"You did Elizabeth. Nothing I said colored anything. In fact, you had more working against you than any other applicant. No one else had to prove that they were a good candidate and prove that they are capable despite having a...well a rough past. I didn't him everything Lizzie, just what happened to your parents. He doesn't know the other parts"

"Thank you" Elizabeth said, her voice colored with relief. "You're right. You're being careful too, right? You're coming back." The last part wasn't a question.

Elizabeth knew he was capable to handle his assignment. She just hated him being gone. She hated even more that he couldn't tell her anything that was going on. Their promise for drinks was a web connection with each of them drinking alone on their respective sides. A bit unorthodox but something both of them cherished. It was something only made possible by Joe's leadership of his unit and Elizabeth's own connection with Joe's teammates. They all loved her and while they gave Joe hell for being soft they all turned a blind eye to his extra usage of the web cam.

"Yes Lizzie, I'm coming back. Just hang on for a few more months. I'm shipping out tomorrow so from now on it'll be SAT phone" Joe's calming voice came. "How are the nightmares? You sleeping okay?" The concern was palpable.

"They are…they are fine" hearing the dead air Elizabeth knew that Joe saw through her act. "Look, they aren't pleasant, but it's around that time again. Nothing a couple of sleeping pills hasn't been able to handle. And they are just nightmare—not terrors".

"Alright, just take care of yourself Elizabeth. Good luck tomorrow—remember sometimes you have to punch first. I love you baby girl"

"Love you too Joe, stay safe."

Hanging up the phone, Elizabeth smiled again, excited for her first day, albeit early, tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the review! Sorry for the delay in updating...my computer fan decided it wanted to die, so I had to order a new part. Hope you like this chapter! Leave me a note!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint, or any characters besides Joe and Elizabeth**

Chapter 2

"Good accuracy, Cadden. But a couple times you hesitated a second before you took the shot. Time like that can cost a life in the field," came the gruff voice of Ed Lane. "Now clean up and put away your gun. It's time for the team to start pre-shift workouts".

Elizabeth suppressed a smile. She could tell that she had helped solidify her worthiness with her boss this morning. Despite her moments of hesitation, hopefully an easy fix, she had done well. All those extra hours at the gun range had been put to good use. She still had a long way to go to fully earn his trust, but she wouldn't turn down any little thing that aided her task.

Walking to the locker room, Elizabeth ran into another team member. She thought it was Constable Scarlatti…but everyone seemed to refer to him as Spike. She had yet to figure out why.

"Sorry! I should have been paying more attention." Elizabeth immediately offered.

Spike merely glared at her and stalked away.

Elizabeth's shoulders slumped slightly. Joe had told her it was going to be rough, but she didn't realize how rough. She had lost men in the field before but it was different in the military. You expected it. Anticipated it. Braced for it. Working at the SRU always came with risk. But the risk wasn't trained for like the military had trained Elizabeth.

Rolling her shoulders, Elizabeth raised her head, determined to prove herself and win over the team. She quickly entered the locker room and changed into her workout clothes in record time. Elizabeth wasn't exactly sure what SRU wore to work out so she went with running shorts and a long sleeved shirt.

Lacing up her running shoes Elizabeth gave herself a mental pep talk. She could do this. She would do this. Elizabeth slipped on the mask that she had perfected in the Special Forces. Her face was blank, betraying no hint of any emotion—positive or negative was detectable.

Elizabeth strode into the workout area and was greeted with smiles and hellos tossed over shoulders. The rest of the team seemed already engrossed in their own workouts. Elizabeth scanned the room. It seemed that Spike was trying his best to destroy the punching bag that…Elizabeth thought it was Wordy, was holding. Sam and Jules were laughing while both riding bikes, and Ed was talking with Sergeant Parker.

Seeing the treadmill open Elizabeth smiled and headed that way. She could use a good run to calm her nerves. Elizabeth enjoyed running. The rhythmic process calmed her and gave her time to think. Stepping up on the belt, Elizabeth set the speed to her best pace. She knew she needed to continue to push herself if she wanted to succeed in Team 1. Feeling the belt start its motion Elizabeth started her jog which rapidly progressed into a fast paced run.

After about 30 minutes of Elizabeth pounding her anxiety out on the treadmill she became aware of eyes watching her movements. Looking up she saw that the rest of the team was staring at her. She immediately hopped onto the sides of the treadmill, thinking that she had done something wrong.

"Is everything okay?" Elizabeth evenly panted, trying desperately to control her breathing.

"What are you trying to out run, Cadden?" Wordy asked "No one here is going to bite".

Elizabeth was unsure. She didn't know how to interpret that. She had been moving, but not that quickly. Her lack of response clued the team into her confusion.

"Relax, Elizabeth" Jules smiled, elbowing Wordy, "he was just joking. He's jealous that you easily out run everyone on the team".

"Oh..." Elizabeth responded. She hadn't meant to show off. She just liked to run; she couldn't help that she was good at it. She didn't know what to say and it showed in the confusion on her face. Absently she bent down to massage her cramping muscles. Her legs didn't like coming to such an abrupt stop.

"Sorry, Elizabeth," Wordy smiled, "Jules here is right, I haven't ever run that fast" Jules laughed and threw her arm around Wordy's torso. She was too short to reach all the way up to his shoulders.

"Just say it Wordy, women are the best" Jules easily ribbed.

"Of course they are—you think I would have managed to stay married for so long if I didn't think that!"

Just then a siren went off and the intercom came on "Team 1 suit up! Hot call!"

The team went from joking around to serious in seconds flat. Everyone took off at a jog to the locker room to change and gear up. Elizabeth followed Jules into the locker room feeling anticipation mixed with dread.

Jules glanced over and saw her new teammate's flushed skin take a pale undertone.

"Don't be nervous," Jules said kindly, "it's your first day, Sarge will probably put you with him or with Spike in the truck. It's going to be okay".

Elizabeth smiled at Jules, appreciating her kindness.

"I'm ready for it, gotta break in these pants after all!" came Elizabeth's reply.

"Alright Team we have a jumper, still working on a name right now. All we know is she appears to be a young female on the 7th story of her college dorm", Sergeant Parker's voice came through the head sets. "ETA is two minutes. Onlookers report severe agitation, we need to tread carefully".

"Sam and Jules you are bravo one. I want you to find out as much as you can about this girl. See who knows her and contain the crowd. We don't need witnesses around. Wordy, with me, we are alpha one. Cadden with boss. Weather report puts winds at record highs. Take extreme caution, both of you need to be harnessed in and try to get the subject in one. We don't need her falling because the wind knocked her off balance. Spike in the truck, we need to know everything about this girl. A name would be the best place to start." Ed Lane ordered.

"Copy that" rang out from five different voices.

Elizabeth was grateful to be part of the action. She had worried that as one of the only two girls on the team, and as a rookie, she would be benched frequently. While she was good at dealing with crowd control, witness interrogation, and information gathering, she felt like her strengths laid in more physical options.

The trucks pulled in around the tall building and the Team poured out, jumping into action. Jules and Sam quickly and efficiently grabbed their gear and setting off to shepherd the onlookers away. Wordy and Ed were conferring quietly while assessing the building.

"Cadden I hope heights don't bother you, looks like you and boss are heading up" Ed spoke.

"No fear here, boss" Elizabeth responded evenly. Heights weren't her favorite, but she could—no she would—work thorough it. The last thing she needed was to be unable to perform her job because of a stupid fear.

Elizabeth jogged to the trunk and grabbed the necessary gear and backpack necessary to rig a harness for herself and the Sergeant.

"Ready to go Cadden?" Parker asked.

"Ready boss" Elizabeth immediately responded. She quickly followed Parker into the building at a jog.

"We got a name" Spike's voice came through the com link as Elizabeth and Parker were running up the stairs. "Jumper is Hilary Ludge. Her history is clean—no legal or mental health record, hold tight I'm looking deeper".

"Excellent, Spike. Find out anyone who knows her. Boss needs to know why a girl with no problems is looking to end it all," Ed Lane ordered.

"Boss we found a girl out here who says she knows Hilary. She has something she wants to tell us," Jules relayed.

"Bring her to the truck, Jules. Let's get that info sooner rather than later," Sergeant Parker ordered.

Elizabeth and Parker had made it to the seventh floor now. They could see Hilary perched on the edge of a long balcony. She appeared to be sobbing and shaking. She hadn't noticed the appearance of Elizabeth or the Sarge on the balcony.

"Be advised that subject is at risk of slipping" Elizabeth reported; she didn't want anything to go unsaid on her first call.

Quickly Elizabeth shimmied into her harness and hooked herself onto a bar on the balcony. Glancing over she saw that Sergeant Parker had done the same.

"You ready, Elizabeth?" her boss asked softly, looking at her.

"Copy sir", Elizabeth replied with as much confidence as she could. She thought that the Sergeant saw through her a little but he didn't say anything other than clap her on the shoulder and begin to head out closer to Hilary, his steps slow and cautious. Elizabeth's hair was whipping around her face, even though it was contained back in a ponytail.

"Hilary," Sergeant Parker called out, his voice was extremely loud as he had to compensate for the wind. "My name is Greg Parker. I'm with the Strategic Response Unit. It seems like you're having a hard time right now. Can we talk about it?"

Hilary visibly started, so much so that both Elizabeth and Sergeant Parker took a couple steps closer.

"Get back!" Hilary sobbed, "Don't touch me!"

"Okay, okay, we are backing up now," Parker yelled calmly, "Take a breath for me Hilary. I promise no one is going to touch you as long as you stay calm for me. Are you thinking about doing something permanent right now?"

"Boss, we were still ten feet from her easily. No one is close enough to touch her. Why was she so worried about it?" Elizabeth questioned. Her mind was buzzing trying to come up with reasons why a ten foot radius was still so panicked about being touched. They needed to get closer to establish a bond. The wind was so loud that without yelling, no one could hear anything.

"Copy that Cadden, still looking into her history right now. I found a number for her father, but he didn't answer." Spike's voice rang out.

"What's the friend saying? I need something to work with here," Sergeant Parker asked.

Jules voice came through the headset. Even without seeing or knowing much about the female officer, Elizabeth could tell her voice was tight and barely controlled.

"Boss, Hilary's friend reports that she was being abused by her father. From what she knows this abuse was physical and sexual for at least the past six years. Says that Hilary's mom died two weeks ago meaning the father is all she has left now. Also reports that Hilary was extremely close with her mom, I'm not sure that she ever shared the abuse with her. She only disclosed to this friend after her mother's death".

There were a few seconds of radio silence as the team processed the new information.

"Alright, new plan, Cadden you're taking over negotiations until Jules can get up here. Jules I need you to grab your gear and make your way to us. I don't think she will be willing to talk with me," Sergeant Parker ordered.

"Boss, we should wait for Jules to get up there. Too much switching around is going to overwhelm Hilary," Ed immediately responded.

"We don't have time, Ed. She's too unstable. Someone needs to be talking with her now" Parker backed up his order. "Elizabeth I need you to begin the conversation. Can you handle this?"

Elizabeth nodded in affirmation. She could do this. "Copy that, boss".

Elizabeth took a calculated step in front of her Sergeant and called out to Hilary.

"Hilary, my name is Lizzie. Do you mind if I talk with you?" Elizabeth began. She hoped that coming off more informal would help the situation.

"Just like I told the other guy, I don't want to talk. Just leave me alone!" Came the angry reply. Clearly Hilary wasn't in the mood to discuss things.

"I can't do that honey. You seem awfully upset. I would hate to see you make a permanent decision right now. I just want to help," Elizabeth carefully counselled.

"Good, Elizabeth, keep her talking. Jules, what's your status?" Parker questioned.

"Three minutes out"

"Boss, I think this is a bad idea. Subject is barely hanging on. I think it will push her over the edge" Sam cautioned.

"It's what we are doing Sam. Jules hurry" Sergeant Parker's voice contained no room for objection.

Elizabeth tried to focus and ignore the voice buzzing in her ear. That was definitely something she was going to have to get used to. She was also of the opinion that changing negotiators would be traumatic for Hilary. However, that wasn't her call to make.

"Hilary," Elizabeth began again, taking a couple more steps forward, "you have such a bright future. Look where you are, at college, preparing for the rest of your life. I know things seem impossible right now, but you have already shown so much strength".

"You make me sick. Don't pretend like you have any idea of what I've been through." Hilary's strangled reply came.

"Subject is rapidly destabilizing, slip risk increasing" a voice that Elizabeth couldn't identify yet reported.

"Careful Elizabeth. If you feel like you can't connect then just back away. Jules can handle it" Sergeant Parker's voice commanded.

Persisting, Elizabeth edged her way closer yet again, she was only three feet away now, within lunging distance if need be. She didn't want to have to yell Hilary's personal life across the balcony. She knew she could connect with Hilary. It was just a matter of Hilary giving Elizabeth the precious time to do so.

"Hilary, I know what your dad did. I know. No father should ever do that. It's not fair, it's not right. You're right, I don't know what that feels like. I don't know what you're going through. But you are so strong. Look how far you have made it. Don't give in now, I'm begging you to take moment with me and see your future," Elizabeth implored.

"Cadden, Jules is here and rigging up, prepare to hand over negotiations" Parker's voice ordered.

"Copy that sir" Elizabeth said quietly. She didn't want to walk away, but she wasn't going to disobey a direct order. Not yet, anyway. She had to give it one last try. Changing with Jules was going to be hard on Hilary and Elizabeth was terrified of the impact.

"I know you miss your Mom, Hilary. I know how badly it hurts right now. It feels like you can't breathe with the pain. You want to scream at everyone else for moving on with their lives because how dare they be happy when yours ended. How dare they not realize that the light has gone out of your life. You would do anything to wake up from the nightmare you're living right now," Elizabeth took a breath, seeing that Hilary was looking at her now with desperation in her eyes. Elizabeth took a final step, putting her next to Hilary and hopefully blocking Jules approach from Hilary's eyes. She didn't want Hilary to feel like she was being rushed.

"It's okay for it to hurt Hilary. But don't let it consume you, don't let the hurt ruin your life. Live for your mom, Hilary. Live the life that she doesn't get" Tears were coursing down Hilary's face as she shook, trying to repress the sobs. Her sobs caused her grip to tremble, worrying Elizabeth.

"I'm behind you Cadden, ready for transfer" Jules voice was quiet, trying not to scare the young girl.

"Alright, Hilary, this here is my friend Jules. She's very anxious to talk to you, do you think you could talk to her for me?" Elizabeth asked gently.

"No. You don't get to pretend like you care and then walk away!" Hilary yelled as she reached out for Elizabeth's jacket. Hilary's hands grasped Elizabeth's collar just as Hilary's feet slipped out from underneath her. As the girl fell she pulled Elizabeth down with her. Elizabeth could feel Jules lunging for her and grasping her uniform only for it to be yanked out of her hands.

"I lost her!" Jules horrified shout echoed out as the couple fell.

Hilary screamed as she plummeted. Elizabeth grabbed the girl's arms, holding on to her as best she could as they went over the rail together. Elizabeth's safety cord caught and the couple were brought abruptly to a halt in midair, slamming hard into the side of the building.

The air was knocked forcefully out of Elizabeth and her grip on Hilary loosened. Hilary scream was ear splitting. Elizabeth took a second to asses. She was hanging upside down from Hilary pulling on her. She had a tenuous grip on the girl's wrists but the wind was already eating away at her stability. Her shoulder and hip ached from where she had slammed into the building. They were swaying dangerously as the wind swirled around them.

"Status! Status! Status!" Was being shouted into Elizabeth's ear by multiple voices.

Elizabeth couldn't speak for a precious ten seconds. The longer she took to respond, the more desperate the voices sounded calling for a response. Her brain screamed at her to answer but her lungs refused to cooperate. Elizabeth mentally forced herself to calm down. She as in charge of her body, not the other way around.

Bracing herself Elizabeth forced out "No harm…but my grip…my grip is slipping. We need…to be… pulled up fast".

"Ed we need you, Sam, and Wordy. Jules and I can't get them up with the wind like this". Sergeant Parker's voice was calm but Elizabeth could detect a hint of anxiety in it.

"We're coming Elizabeth, just hold on." Ed Lane's voice rang in her ear. Elizabeth looked down at Hilary who was clearly on the verge of a panic attack. The last thing that Elizabeth needed was for Hilary to lose it right now. If she did, there was no way Elizabeth would be able to hold on. Her lungs finally under control Elizabeth felt like she could talk to Hilary without further scaring her.

"Dammit I said that changing would be too much for her" Sam panted out. She could hear footsteps pounding around.

"Not helpful Sam." Sergeant Parker's voice was sharp.

"Hilary look at me," Elizabeth calmly ordered once she could breathe normally. "It's going to be okay. My team is coming to pull us up. I need you to be as still as possible right now for me, can you do that for me? I know you don't want to be here, but we are gonna get you some help"

Hilary shook her head, her face tight with fear.

"Let go of me! Let me die. I want to die" Hilary sobbed and started to thrash around.

"I can't do that, Hilary. We are going to be okay," Elizabeth continued. She had no idea if the team was going to make it in time. But she would be damned if she said that to Hilary. Hilary's thrashing increased and Elizabeth struggled to hold on. Her grip was so tight now she was certain that she would leave bruises if not fracture the bone.

"Almost there, Cadden. One minute and you'll be up here," Sam's voice this reported out. "Just hang on. _Don't let go_ ". The last part was uttered pleadingly.

"Alright, Hilary, my team is a minute from getting to us. Stay with me. I know the wind is strong but I need you to hang on," Elizabeth yelled down to Hilary.

"Please, please, just let me die" Hilary whimpered. Her body had become limp. It was almost harder now for Hilary to hold onto her. When she was fighting Elizabeth the tension in her limbs actually helped gripping. Now that her arms were slack it was much harder to hold on. Elizabeth could feel her wrists sliding slowly.

"No, no. Hilary listen to me. I'm going to help you if you let me. I just need you to hold on for a little longer" Elizabeth was starting to see no positive outcome.

"It's my life. Let me choose what I want to do with it" Hilary's reply contained so much grief that Elizabeth felt her emotions threaten to rise up. She pushed them down hard, containing any fear, worry, anxiety and more into the back of her mind. She couldn't afford to feel anything right now. She had a life in her hands and she wasn't going to let her emotions kill someone.

"Absolutely I will. But I won't let you end it; I can't"

Just then Elizabeth felt a pulling from her harness. "Elizabeth we are going to start pulling now. It might get a little bumpy" Wordy's voice ordered. Elizabeth detected a forced calm coloring his words. She knew the situation was bad but it must look worse from above. All the seasoned officers seemed to be tense. She had been in far worse situations before without this outpouring of concern. The team must be more upset than they let on.

The team had reached her and were hauling her back to safety. Too afraid to spook Hilary into fighting further, Elizabeth stayed quiet and prayed that her team worked fast. Her hands were dangerously close to slipping. Her fingers had gone numb from the cold and she couldn't readjust her grip without dropping Hilary. She mentally calculated the time and predicted that she had, at max, only 2 more minutes before her hands failed her.

"We're here. Stay calm Elizabeth and we will have you up," Sergeant Parker's voice rang out.

"Hurry" Elizabeth grunted out as she tried in vain to hold onto the terrified girl. "Boss, I've got maybe two minutes here,"

"Copy that. Just stay with us. We're gonna get you up"

Slowly at first the pair was pulled up, the speed picking up the closer the couple got to the top. After what seemed like hours, Elizabeth felt hands grasping her boots and ankles and forcibly pulling her back over the edge. Bodies appeared in her field of vision and hands reached around to grab Hilary. Hilary and Elizabeth were safely secured on the balcony once more.

Once Elizabeth and Hilary were cleared, Hilary let go and sank into Wordy's arms, sobbing. A voice called out "Subject secure". Wordy gently scooped the crying girl up and strode inside the building, taking her away from the ledge both literally and metaphorically. Elizabeth herself stumbled backwards against the building, sucking in deep, nausea controlling breathes. The world seemed to be spinning around her. She battled her body for control. She knew that her reactions after incidents were just as important as her handling of the situation. She coached herself to keep her breakfast where it belonged and to relax.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and focused on breathing through her mouth. She was gaining some semblance of control over herself when she became aware of a person hovering in front of her.

Opening her eyes, Elizabeth saw Ed staring at her. Elizabeth swallowed, her nerves which were already frayed seemed to completely fail her. She was sure that the team leader was about to ream her out for such a dangerous situation. Elizabeth knew that it wasn't her fault—Hilary had pulled her over the edge. It wasn't her fault. But Elizabeth also knew that fault didn't matter. Nothing she said—and be assured Elizabeth would not object to anything Ed Lane had to say—would make a difference.

Ed was staring at Elizabeth with a mixture of anger and, if Elizabeth saw it correctly, fear. Finally her spoke "You okay?"

Elizabeth nodded, not trusting herself quite yet to speak without heaving the contents of her stomach. She was sure the team leader wouldn't appreciate her breakfast reappearing on his shoes.

Ed continued to scrutinize her saying, "That was a dangerous situation, you handled it well. I'm here if you need to talk about it later, even if later is 2 in the morning".

With that, the team leader walked away, firing instructions through the com link for the team to pack up and head back to the barn. Elizabeth shook her head in amazement and pushed herself off the wall. While Ed's offer to listen was kind, the anger she had seen was enough to guide Elizabeth away from ever seeking any sort of personal guidance.

Elizabeth became aware of a deep ache centering in her shoulder and hip where she was slammed into the building wall. She braced herself for the inevitable wave of pain as she took her first step. As Elizabeth had anticipated a shockwave of pain went through her body.

Elizabeth simply gritted her teeth and continued her painful journey back to unrig her harness and get back to the truck.

A hand clapped her sore shoulder and she was barely able to contain her wince.

"Good job, Cadden. Not many rookies could do what you just did. You gave us all a scare there, I'm glad you are okay. Pack on up and we will debrief at the station," Sergeant Parker gave Elizabeth a smile as he finished packing his gear. Just before he was about to head down the stairs he looked back at Elizabeth and motioned her to turn off her mic. Elizabeth did as he asked and looked at her Sergeant questioningly.

"Don't take Ed's hostility to heart. You scared him there. He wasn't angry at you. He was afraid of what could have happened. I…I made a bad call there and I'm sorry. I put you at risk. We never should have tried to transfer. It won't happen again." Parker said gently, correctly guessing that Ed's anger had bothered Elizabeth.

"I didn't want to see another incident where a rookie fills in and gets hurt while waiting for the expert. It was my mistake. You handled it professionally and for that, I'm proud" She recognized now the guilt in the man's eyes. This case was about Lou to them. That made a whole lot more sense when she realized it. She wasn't angry with him, while she agreed it was a bad call. These things can't be helped. Some subjects may be able to tolerate a change in negotiator, some couldn't. This was just a case where one couldn't. Once, Elizabeth had nodded, Parker turned and continued his trek downstairs.

Elizabeth understood Ed's hostility more than she wanted to admit. She often found herself raging against Joe after he had been injured. It was purely self-defense. She protected herself the best she knew how—she threw up spikes. It seemed that she had more in common with Ed Lane than she originally thought.

Elizabeth swallowed and she zipped up her bag, all of her gear now packed. Not too bad for her first call. One thing was for sure, Joe was going to have her ass if he found out what had happened. Squaring her shoulders, Elizabeth limped down the stairs to the rest of her team.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: hey all! Thank you for the reviews...I hope that everyone like the story so far! Let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint or any of the characters besides Joe and Elizabeth**

Chapter 3

Elizabeth rubbed her sore shoulder as she stood and exited the conference room. The team had finished the debriefing and they were given half an hour to clean up before they needed to do inventory. Elizabeth couldn't wait to stand under the warm spray of water and wash away the aches of the day. Her hip had stiffened from sitting for so long and she was hoping that the shower would make it possible for her to walk more convincingly. She had seen a couple of teammates suspiciously eying her apparent lack of grace.

The debrief has been decidedly uncomfortable for Elizabeth. It seemed that the general consensus of the team was in Elizabeth's favor. However, she still had the lingering feeling that there was the idea that she had been trying to show off. Elizabeth had decided that she needed to keep her head down and try to integrate with the team as much as possible. She already had an idea about a tribute to the fallen member she had replaced.

Then there had been the uncomfortable moment when Sam had called out Greg for putting Elizabeth in danger. Elizabeth had tried to shrink back into the chair as eyes fell upon her. She carefully fixed her mask so no one could see how this was affecting her. She appreciated Sam's support, but she wanted to deck him. She didn't need another reason to be a scapegoat. Furthermore, she could take care of herself. She may be female and small, but she was just as capable and qualified as everyone else on the team. Luckily the situation was diffused when Jules seconded the Sergeant and his intentions. Sam backed down and all sides seemed appeased.

Sighing, Elizabeth grabbed her shower supplies and headed to wash off. Spike had accosted her outside the women's locker room and her mind was in a flurry trying to analyze the situation.

 _Hey body was forcibly turned when a hand clamped down on her shoulder. The hand was holding tightly enough that Elizabeth was sure it would bruise further. Elizabeth barely stifled a groan when the fingers squeezed tightly over her bruised flesh. Despite muffling her groan, she had let out an involuntary gasp of air. Elizabeth found herself face to face with an irate Spike._

 _"Hey! Don't you dare talk about Lou" Elizabeth took in Spike's demeanor. His entire body was poised and filled with anger. Rage seemed to billow out of him. "Don't talk about him at all under any circumstances"._

 _"I don't know what you're-"Elizabeth began slowly, trying to figure out the problem. She was slowly trying to inch her way back. Again, she wondered why this case reminded the entire team of their fallen comrade._

 _"Don't lie to me. Rule 1 of negotiating. Don't lie to the subject. Oh what? Nothing to say now? Huh?"_

 _Spike had lost Elizabeth. She thought back to what she had said and couldn't recall saying anything false or remotely related to Lou. She was fairly confident that she had been completely honest, brutally so, but about her past, not Lou's._

 _"I didn't lie, Spike. What are you talking about?"_

 _"What…what am...I? What" Spike spluttered, rage apparently temporarily rendering him at a loss for words._

 _"You didn't know Lou. Don't talk about his death like you had any feelings for him" Spike finally managed to growl out._

 _Elizabeth took a step back. She was in awe of the audacity at Spike had shown. She couldn't believe he had the gull to accuse her of faking her loss. She knew he was hurting but this was far below the belt. Fury filled her, electrifying her body and making her advance back towards Spike. Elizabeth's body locked down, her eyes becoming cold and deadly as her movements became calculated. Spike had taken an involuntary step back at her advancement. Elizabeth continued forward, her face murderous._

 _Barely controlling her voice, Elizabeth began speaking, "I'm sorry for your loss"._

 _Spike opened his mouth to interrupt but Elizabeth cut him off, raising her voice._

 _"I said, I'm sorry. But don't you for one second think that I would pull a stunt like that. I had a life before this team. A life that you know nothing about. You aren't the only one who's lost someone. I loved my parents more than anything. Don't ever question that." Elizabeth practically spit out the last part, so mad she couldn't see straight._

 _Spike's eyes had widened dramatically and all the anger had left him. Normally Elizabeth would be able to see the remorse in her teammate but she was too far gone to see anything but red._

 _He opened his mouth again, and again, Elizabeth cut him off "You don't know me. Don't talk about my past like you have any idea" Elizabeth took Spike's earlier words and twisted them, throwing the barb back. Spike winced, clearly hurt by what Elizabeth had said._

 _Elizabeth turned and started to stalk away. She halted and looked back, Spike had remained rooted in position. She wanted to throw more barbs and hurl insults until the pain vanished. But she knew that nothing would make her feel better right now. The only thing she would do was to make someone else as miserable as she was now. Shaking her head, she walked away, missing the whispered sorry sent like a plea at her back._

 _Elizabeth stalked past a shocked looking Wordy. Before he could even open his mouth to say anything she spit out "Ask Officer Scarlatti. I'm sure he will fill you in"._

Twenty minutes later she finished braiding her wet hair back. She felt like a new person after the brief shower. She had managed to cool off from her argument with Spike earlier.

"Those are some nasty bruises," Jules voice rang out, startling Elizabeth. "I saw them when you got dressed," Jules explained when Elizabeth glanced at her.

"Nothing I can't handle," Elizabeth said shortly.

"Of course not. But trust me, from personal experience, an ice bath is the best way to go. It hurts for the minutes you're in it but your body will be thanking you tomorrow. You do bruise pretty spectacularly, I don't think I've ever seen that shade of blue before,"

Elizabeth had to chuckle at the last comment. As she laughed, the tension ran out of her shoulders, relaxing them. She was sure that Jules was going to tell Ed or the Sarge that she was injured. From the look on her face, Jules seemed to guess what Elizabeth was thinking.

"Don't worry, I wasn't going to tell the boss about a few bruises. I know you can handle yourself. You have to get banged up a lot more before I go running to boss," Jules smiled again but her face turned serious. "Although, I did see a…pattern there on your shoulder. It kinda looked like a hand. Is there something I need to know about?"

Elizabeth grimaced. Dammit Spike, he had bruised her shoulder. "No, no, just a misunderstanding" Elizabeth said.

Jules merely raised a brow.

"I know how that sounds, but trust me, it's truly nothing. I can guarantee that it will never happen again" Elizabeth said with conviction.

This seemed to win Jules over. She still had lingering traces of doubt in her eyes, but she didn't question Elizabeth any more. Instead she said, "For what it's worth, I don't know your story. But I know what it feels like to lose family too soon. That kind of pain never really dulls over time. I'm sorry for your loss".

Elizabeth could feel her eyes filling with tears. She couldn't remember the last time that someone offered unsolicited support without asking any questions about her past.

"Thank you, Jules. That means a lot," Elizabeth muttered, her checks darkening from embarrassment over the tears.

"Nothing to thank me for, we are family now. Welcome to Team 1," Jules said with a final smile before leaving.

Elizabeth was grateful for the kindness Jules had displayed. She was incredibly humbled by the pure goodness that seemed to radiate from the petite woman. Elizabeth was confident that she wanted to get to know Jules better.

Exiting the locker room, Elizabeth ran into Sam and Wordy heading to do inventory.

"Hey there Cadden, how's the shoulder?" Wordy asked. His tone led her to believe that he was talking about more than just her shoulder. However, Elizabeth was determined not to have that conversation.

Seeing Elizabeth's look, he expanded. "I was watching through the binoculars, looked like a pretty hard hit you took there, I'm still amazed you managed to hang onto the subject when you hit like that". Thankfully, Elizabeth seemed to have conveyed her desire and Wordy was silently honoring it. He met her gaze and gave a barely perceptible nod.

"It's a little sore, nothing I haven't felt before. I'm feeling sorry for Hilary. Her poor wrists must be pretty sore. I was squeezing pretty tight near the end there" Elizabeth answered evenly, the corners of her mouth turning up at the end of her sentence.

"It must be a record—I don't think a rookie has ever gone over the rails like that before on their first day!" Sam exclaimed laughing, clueless of Elizabeth and Wordy's silent exchange. "That's a hell of a way to start your career with us".

Elizabeth and Wordy both laughed.

"That it is," Elizabeth responded. "I'm almost a little afraid for what tomorrow brings if this is how you break in the new guy".

"We only reserve the flying special for the outstanding candidates," Wordy chuckled, "Not everyone gets that experience. You should feel honored".

Laughing, the group entered the lockers to count and inspect all elements of their gear. Ed was already there and assigned everyone a task. The group bantered lightheartedly as the afternoon wore on. Spike was noticeably quiet, but he interjected occasionally when directly prompted. Elizabeth studiously ignored every look that was shot her way. She couldn't tell if it was Wordy or Spike looking. As far as she was concerned, their conversation from earlier was over and the matter closed. There was no need to rehash.

The afternoon came to a close and everything was counted and placed in its proper position. Ed congratulated everyone on a job well done and the team broke up to grab their things and go home.

Elizabeth was glad the day had ended. It was nice to already have a successful call under her belt, but she was sore as hell and definitely could use a hot soak this evening. She also needed sometime alone to think the events of the day through. Elizabeth had long accepted the death of her parents. It had happened over 15 years ago now. Despite all the time, she still missed them terribly. There were some holes that Joe couldn't fill.

The team had invited her for drinks at a local bar. Elizabeth wasn't particularly in the mood to go out, but she knew that bonding was especially important when she was new. She would still be able to do her job successfully if the team didn't like her. However, she wasn't very into the idea of working with people who mistrusted and disliked her. Elizabeth had already served her time with that.

Reaching the bar, the Goose the team had called it, Elizabeth took a deep breath and went in. She surveyed the patrons, looking for any sign of her new teammates. Seeing Wordy, Ed, and Spike beckoning towards her from a corner she waved and headed their way.

"Long time no see guys" Elizabeth greeted them.

"How you feeling after your first official day?" Wordy asked.

"Like I could use a beer" Elizabeth laughingly answered.

"We got you there bud", Sam answered coming up behind her with Jules in tow. Both of them carried bottles which they distributed to everyone.

"So Elizabeth, where are you from?" Sam asked, sitting back and sipping his beer.

"Well y'all probably know I'm not originally from Canada" Elizabeth smiled, purposefully throwing in the y'all for effect and adding a Southern twang.

"Yeah, we got that from your file. The U. S. sure does like doing everything different," Ed laughed. Elizabeth couldn't believe that Ed was joking with her. She quickly praised the gods that she had said yes to this.

"Yep, it's not the good ol' U. S. of A. if it isn't different!" Elizabeth laughed too. "I was born in Michigan but raised in Virginia—that's in the south" She explained. "Moved here with my dad when I was about 14 and fell in love with this beautiful country. Decided I needed to protect it and here I am".

"I'm surprised Joe managed to keep you so low profile," Sam commented, watching her face for a reaction. "My father is in the military and so was I and I had no idea the great Joe Cadden had a daughter. I ran with his team for a couple of ops. He never mentioned anything".

"Ahh you found out about that, did you? I'm not surprised Joe didn't say anything." Elizabeth grimaced. She wanted to keep her relationship to Joe private. Both of them preferred it that way. It was safer for her, keeping her out of the spot light, and she was determined to prove her own merit.

"It was pretty simple really" Spike said. "Took me about 2 minutes to get access to that information. I just don't think anyone has bothered to look before". Elizabeth was surprised Spike had contributed to the conversation. They had mutually avoided each other after the incident in the hallway. Although, she had sensed someone looking at her back periodically. Perhaps it had been Spike after all.

"I'm glad. Joe doesn't like people to know a lot about me. He's weirdly protective that way" Elizabeth easily responded. "You'd think he didn't know I'm all grown up now and everything. I think it's the hero complex" She smiled. One thing Joe had in spades was a hero complex.

"I get ya. He's made some serious enemies", Ed responded. "Parents will do anything for their kids".

Wordy nodded his head empathetically. Elizabeth noticed and asked Wordy about his family. This set Wordy off and before long pictures were being displayed by proud fathers and Spike was boasting about his nephew. The team was relaxed and talk was flowing easily. Good natured barbs were being tossed at Wordy for watching Hannah Montana and Jules for listening to Taylor Swift. Elizabeth was content. She had forgotten what it felt like to belong to a family. There were still gaping holes in her knowledge of the team. Bonds hadn't been formed. But she was being welcomed with open arms.

Slowly team members trickled away, begging off as the night grew later. Elizabeth bowed out after a two beers. She was tired and while she enjoyed the company, she wanted to get to bed.

Sighing, Elizabeth left the bar and ran a hand through her messy hair. It was going to be an early day tomorrow. The last thing she needed to was to seep too deeply into memories long gone. She had worked too hard to move forward with her life. She wasn't going to sacrifice everything because she was a little sad. Her mask provided her support in the field. However, it did little when Elizabeth was left to her own devices.

Elizabeth once again grabbed her phone and hit speed dial. She knew Joe wasn't going to answer but she planned on leaving a message. She hated going days without talking to her dad.

"Hey Joe" Elizabeth spoke into the phone, "Finished my first day. Saved a girl from jumping off her dorm. You would be proud…I miss you dad. Come home safe. Love you to the moon". Elizabeth hung up the phone with a sigh. Here she was 29 and still relying on Joe.

Elizabeth resolved to give herself an hour to decompress before heading to bed. She climbed out of her car and limped up the stair to her apartment. Her hip was so stiff from hitting the bridge, she was sure that it was a deep bruise, she hadn't taken a thorough look at it yet, having been focusing on the task at hand.

As Elizabeth entered her apartment she set her keys down on a side table by her front door. Closing and locking the door Elizabeth slumped against the heavy wood.

"Day 1 done" She muttered to herself.

Walking down the hall, Elizabeth glanced at a picture of a smiling man and woman with a child in their lap.

"I did it mom. I saved her," Elizabeth said quietly to the picture, tracing her fingers across the figures.

Sighing again, Elizabeth went to her bathroom and started filling the bath with water and pouring a generous amount of bubble bath. As she waited she stripped her clothes off and finally allowed herself to take inventory of the battered body. Her shoulder was speckled with blues and blacks. Her right side was impressively bruised with a black knot the size of a softball forming on the ball of her hip. Elizabeth realized it would be a few weeks for these to fade. Nothing was broken though, that's what mattered.

'Just another scar to add to the collection' she thought. Elizabeth glanced at the old scar tissue crisscrossing her back. She had long ago come to terms with how she earned those scars. She now saw them as badges of courage, of her strength.

Elizabeth sank into her bath, moaning in pleasure as the hot water soothed her sore muscles. The sight of the whip marks across her back faded from view as she leaned back against the tub and closed her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint

Chapter 4

"Alright team, we are training today," Ed Lane informed everyone as they sat around the conference table. "We are going to be doing some advanced drills. I want everyone in full tactical gear and outside in ten minutes".

Elizabeth had the distinct feeling that training may be prompted by the debacle a couple weeks ago with Hilary.

"Copy that" echoed around the table as everyone stood as one and filed out.

Ed stopped Elizabeth by the door.

"You doing okay?" He asked, looking at her seriously.

"Yeah, I'm good, boss" Elizabeth responded.

"Sleeping alright?"

"Like a baby" Elizabeth smiled.

"Alright, I know it was a tough call your first day. Remember, my phone is always on" Ed replied, patting her shoulder.

Elizabeth just nodded her head and continued on her way. She wasn't as upset as everyone else seemed to be about that call. It seemed like it was the rest of the team that needed help, not her.

Ten minutes later the entire team was assembled outside awaiting instruction. Ed ran them through a series of drills, increasing in complexity as time wore on. By midmorning the entire team was covered in sweat and panting despite the chill in the air. They had just finished a tricky simulation that involved three different teams, aggressive entry, and night vision goggles.

"Ed, my man, I need a minute" Wordy panted out. He was doubled over from exertion. Elizabeth had learned that Wordy does most of the aggressive entries and the heavy lifting of the team. He was a powerful officer, but running drills back to back strains even the best.

"Everyone take ten" Ed called out.

Elizabeth was gratefully gulping down some water when Sam came over next to her. He bent closer to her ear on the pretext of fixing something on his vest.

"You okay? I saw you limping for a second out there" Sam asked in a low tone.

"I'm good, I promise" Elizabeth reassured. "Even though it was a couple weeks ago I'm still just a little sore from my fun filled first day".

"I didn't realize you hit the building that hard. You can tell us if you're hurt, you know. No one is going to look down on you" Sam said. Elizabeth was completely shocked by the conversation she found herself in.

"I know. I'm not hurt" Elizabeth repeated, ripping her eyes away from his.

"Hey, I know the pressure you're under. I know what it feels like to be new and especially how it feels like you have to be perfect. Also after coming from Special Forces. No one came on this team knowing how to do everything. I sure as hell made mistakes when I joined" Sam said before he turned to leave.

"Sam!" Elizabeth called out to him.

Sam turned and glanced at Elizabeth, eye brows raised.

"Thanks," Elizabeth said, stepping closer. She didn't really want to yell this conversation and she was grateful for his earlier discretion. "I guess I'm just nervous about becoming part of the team and pulling my weight. I know what it is like to lose men. It's hard to have the new guy come in. I don't want to be the new guy who can't handle herself and I especially don't want to be the new guy who doesn't do anything".

Sam's face came close to showing pity. Elizabeth was starting to regret saying anything.

"I don't know you yet, Elizabeth, and I'm sorry if this is too personal, but I've been in your situation." Sam said. Elizabeth felt like he was emphasizing the "yet" portion of the sentence, subtly proving that he fully intended on getting to know her. "But, whatever happened in your past that lead you believe that injury equates to failure is wrong. Sure, there are times to push through, but there are times to ask for help. Like I said, I was Special Forces too. I know the pressure to be perfect, to never get hurt. It's just not reality. We miss Lou. We are gonna miss him for a while. But you're part of us now". Sam nodded at Elizabeth and squeezed her shoulder before walking away to talk with Jules.

Elizabeth just stared after him. She was touched by what he said but also defensive. She didn't think there was anything wrong with working through the pain. She briefly wondered what Sam had gone through in Special Forces. Elizabeth regarded her experiences as priceless. Shaking her head, she chided herself for getting distracted. She wanted to be part of the team but right now she still needed to prove herself despite what everyone seemed to be saying.

Her hip was bothering her, it was still incredibly sore. The hit she had taken was much more severe than she was letting on. Her side was still a deep blue/green hue. She knew from experience though she just needed to work through it. All she has to do is take her mind off the pain. Luckily, Ed chose that moment to call the team back together.

"Okay, listen up. We are going to head back in and work on some close quarters combat. I want Wordy and Sam, Spike and Jules, Cadden with me".

Elizabeth internally groaned. Ed had to have 70 pounds of muscle on her. While she was confident with her skills, she still didn't like going up against men that much bigger than her. She was sure that the boss wouldn't appreciate her fighting dirty. She had no qualms about a well-placed kick in the balls when faced with imminent injury from a subject. Somehow she didn't think that the boss would see it that way if she nailed him. She had an inkling that this situation was exactly why she was paired with Ed. She had to prove, again, that she was capable. It was times like this that Elizabeth hated being a girl.

The team trooped back into HQ and all changed into work out clothing. Ed signaled that he wanted him and Elizabeth to go first.

"Alright, we are fighting until the subject is disabled and on their stomach. I am the subject, Elizabeth you're trying to neutralize me" Ed ordered.

"I'll supervise and call a winner" Sergeant Parker's voice came from behind the team.

"Where have you been boss? You missed all the fun training this morning" Sam said to Parker.

"Trust me Sam, I would rather have been there. I was stuck with the commander all morning". The team winced in sympathy. They knew how much the Sarge hated politics.

Taking a defensive stance, Elizabeth let Ed dictate the fight. She had learned long ago that her advantage was her speed and endurance. Rushing someone didn't work when you were 5' 2". Sometimes this lead to more defensive moves, prolonging the fight. However, it was better to take a little longer and still be alive. She had won lethal fights merely because she was able to outlast the subjects.

Ed made a move towards Elizabeth but she didn't bite. She expected him to play with her a bit at first and she was determined not to fall for rookie mistakes.

This time Ed lunged for real, Elizabeth ducked and threw a punch. Ed easily blocked Elizabeth and countered with a hit to her ribs. Elizabeth twisted away, letting the blow glance off her side. She quickly dropped and aimed a kick at Ed's shins trying to throw him off balance. Ed retreated and avoided her blows.

"Gonna play with me or are you gonna fight?" Ed goaded with a smirk.

"Why don't you come over here and find out?" Elizabeth taunted right back.

Various whoops and howls came from the on looking team members.

This pattern continued for ten minutes. Neither party was gaining a significant advantage. Both had landed some blows on the other, but nothing to call a clear victory. Elizabeth couldn't tell if they were evenly matched or if Ed was holding back. She strongly suspected the later.

Ed lunged at Elizabeth and flipped her over his shoulder. Elizabeth hit the mat hard, expelling her breathe. Quickly she rolled and kicked out, knocking Ed's feet out from under him. As she staggered to her feet, Ed too was climbing up. He moved forward when the siren went off and the intercom boomed "Hot call Team 1!"

Elizabeth crouched from her standing defensive position, reaching for water before she had to suit up. She missed the punch that Ed had thrown at the same time the announcement came. Ed's fist, meant to hit her ribs, connected solidly with Elizabeth's left eye. Pain blossomed and Elizabeth hit the floor. Since she had been at the edge of the circular mat, her head slammed into concrete instead of cushioned padding. Her head elicited a hollow thunk as it hit. She could hear gasps from the team as she went down.

For a second she couldn't see anything. She was winded and completely blinded from pain. She was furious with herself. She hadn't let anyone hit her with a rookie move like that in years. Elizabeth could feel blood where she had made contact with the floor. Immediately she felt Ed and Greg crouch by her head.

"Elizabeth, Elizabeth, can you hear me? Look at me, Elizabeth" a calm voice was demanding her attention. There was someone tapping on Elizabeth's wrist and fingers were feeling for a pulse on her neck. Elizabeth looked up and stared into her boss's eyes.

"I'm fine, nothing hurt but my pride" she croaked. Sitting up, Elizabeth forced Ed and the Sergeant to sit back. The rest of the team huddled a little ways back. Her head hurt and she could feel a headache coming on but she would rather pull teeth than admit that. She glanced at the floor and saw a smudge of blood. She hoped that no one would noticed the bleeding or her blood on the mat.

She could see both Ed and the Sergeant checking her eyes out, making sure that her pupils were the same and she didn't look concussed.

"You sure? Looks like you've got a great shiner forming there. I'm sorry about that. You reacted faster than I expected to the call" Elizabeth could tell Ed felt bad about landing the blow on her. She knew he wouldn't feel bad if she had legitimately missed it and he hit her fairly. But with the interference of the hot call, it was a cheap shot in his eyes.

"I'm sure" Elizabeth replied as she clambered to her feet. "Not the first time I've been decked. Let's go keep the peace".

Ed's face twisted when she said that, forming a grimace before clearing and his calm mask came back in place.

"Alright, that's how it's done on Team 1!" Ed called. "Everyone suit up!"

Turning he looked at Elizabeth "Hey, Cadden" He waited until Elizabeth had stopped her progress and looked back. "That's gonna be the last time someone lands a punch on your face, you hear me?"

Elizabeth couldn't help but laugh at the alpha male that had reared its head.

"Copy that, boss. Copy that".


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint

Chapter 5

The team had just finished a long call. They had been talking down a gunman holding hostages for the last six hours who had turned the gun on himself at the end. Elizabeth blew out a breath and leaned back in her chair. She was currently occupying the truck with Spike. Rubbing her temples she closed her eyes to block out the harsh lights and try and ease the headache that had taken occupancy. She did not like having to confront defensive family members, which she had just spent a great deal of time doing. She didn't think she could stand to hear "this just isn't like him" one more time. Clearly, this family was incredibly out of touch.

"Headache?" Spike asked.

Elizabeth was startled for a second. So startled that she promptly fell out of her chair, gracelessly. She groaned as she hit the floor and laid there for a second.

"Please forget you saw that" She asked Spike, closing her eyes once more and laying still. After hearing nothing she cracked an eye and looked towards Spike. His face was contorted with his effort to suppress his mirth. He eventually gave in and roared with laughter. Elizabeth just groaned and stayed on the ground.

Blood flooded her cheeks, blossoming pink, betraying her embarrassment. Judging by Spike's laughter, he could tell. She couldn't believe that he had taken time to talk with her. From what she had gathered, Lou was Spike's best friend. From that information she fully expected to take months to win him over. She also chided herself for showing weakness. She knew better than to admit being less than in perfect condition.

Elizabeth gathered herself up and sat back into the chair and glanced over at Spike. His eyes widened considerably.

"What?" Elizabeth questioned self-consciously.

"You look awful…how did I not realize this sooner? You should go to the ER. You sure you don't have a concussion? How can you even see right now? Wow you bruise fast…I don't think Sam even bruises that fast" Spike rattled off, standing up and crouching in front of Elizabeth. Elizabeth wasn't about to admit her vision was a tad bit limited. Some ice and she would be fine. "No wonder you have a headache, you probably have a concussion. Did you hit you head again when you just fell?"

Everyone here seemed to make a huge deal about injuries. Elizabeth was used to taking inventory, treating the wound, and moving forward. That didn't seem to be the case here. She mock glared at Spike for mentioning her earlier lack of grace. However, his face didn't betray any humor that she thought would be there.

"Elizabeth what's going on there? Spike, how she looking?" Sergeant's voice rang out over the intercom.

"I'm fine everyone. It's just a black eye. I've had them before, it's nothing special," Elizabeth said feeling humiliated.

"No, Elizabeth, this looks bad" Spike countered. "Follow my finger here".

Elizabeth sighed and rolled her eyes, completely disregarding Spike and batted away his outstretched hand.

"I swear I'm fine, I just bruise easily that's all" Elizabeth confirmed, praying that Spike let it drop.

"Does this hurt?" Spike had ignored Elizabeth's assurances and was not feeling her skull for bumps. Elizabeth didn't point out that since she was wearing a hat, this was essentially useless.

"Ouch yes, you just pulled my hair" Elizabeth responded, pulling her head away.

"Spike" Ed's voice came quietly over the radio.

"No go boss, she's got blood on her hat" Spike responded, retreating back to his chair.

Elizabeth wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean but she had a feeling it wasn't in her favor.

"Alright, Elizabeth hang tight. I'll be there in ten minutes to assess. Spike, keep an eye out. If her status changes I want EMS involved" Sergeant's voice commanded.

"Copy that" Spike's reply was quiet, almost apologetic.

Elizabeth slumped back in her chair. She was humiliated. Here she was, third week on the job and she had messed up. She was so angry with herself. All the work she had put forth was wasted because she couldn't duck a single punch.

"Hey, hey, hey, it's okay," Spike murmured. Clearly picking up on her distress.

"I'm okay, I swear," Elizabeth said in a low voice. "I bruise easily, I can't help it. I have a monster headache right now but nothing that ice and Advil can't fix".

Spike opened his mouth to respond but Elizabeth cut him off. She couldn't bear to look at him so she stared past his head, focusing on the steal walls of the truck.

"Look, I would never endanger you guys. If I felt like I couldn't do my job, if I thought I was impaired in any way I would step down. I'm telling you it looks worse than it is".

Elizabeth felt desperation. She needed to keep this job.

"You know that you're not in trouble, right?" Spike quietly said. Elizabeth looked over at him and saw that he wasn't looking at her. He was studying his hands. His mouth set in a frown. "Getting hit isn't your fault and you're not going to get kicked off the team for it. We weren't worried you couldn't do your job, we are worried for you. I don't want you to think you can't tell us when you need help".

Luckily for her Sergeant Parker and Ed came into the truck at that moment, sparing her from having to answer.

"How's it going in here?" Sergeant Parker asked, sensing some tension.

"We're just fine, boss" Elizabeth responded positively.

"Well why don't you let me check out that head then?" her team leader asked. Elizabeth acquiesced and took off her baseball hat so he could see better. She knew better than to bat his hands away like she had with Spike. Somehow she didn't see Ed Lane sitting back down calmly after she hit him.

Both Ed and the Sergeant winced as they took in Elizabeth's face. Elizabeth wasn't sure what was going on with the region around her eye, and judging by everyone's reaction, she wasn't sure she wanted to.

"I need to start pulling my punches in training. I'm sorry Liz, that's gotta hurt. Spike you were right about Sam. I didn't think anyone could beat that kid". Ed said peering in her face.

Elizabeth heard a muffled "Hey" and laugher over her com link from Sam, Jules, and Wordy.

"No, I shouldn't have moved. This one is on me, boss. I can defend myself" Elizabeth refuted. She felt a twinge of anger that Ed thought she couldn't take care of herself. Schooling herself, she forced a blank mask again.

Ed read the lack of expression on her face.

"It's not like that, Elizabeth. Mistakes happen. I know you can defend yourself, but the last thing we need is the team getting hurt in training. This is for everyone, not just you. Now, sit still and follow my finger" He ordered.

Ed sounded so much like Joe in that moment that Elizabeth couldn't help but follow the instructions instinctively.

"I tried that one. She just rolled her eyes" Spike helpfully input.

"Thanks Spike" Elizabeth muttered as her eye's tracked Ed's gloved hand.

"Boss" Spike spoke up. Elizabeth wanted to groan again; his tone suggested that she would not like the news he was about to share.

"Yeah Spike" Sarge answered, still looking at Elizabeth.

"She fell out of her chair earlier—that's what I was laughing about" He explained. Elizabeth could hit him for telling everyone that. "I thought she was just clumsy, but I don't know anymore. She laid there for a minute after, too. Eyes closed"

"Thank you, Spike. So much for forgetting you saw that" Elizabeth said between clenched teeth.

"Okay, new deal, Eddie" Sarge started. He too crouched by Elizabeth, his eyes scrutinizing her.

"On it, Greg" Ed said and he reached up and felt around her head for bumps or abrasions. Finding the gash on the back of her head, he looked back at Elizabeth.

"How long has this been bleeding?" He asked, his eyes narrowed.

"I didn't even know it existed until now" Elizabeth lied. She could tell that Ed was trying to determine if she was lying. She crossed her fingers and hoped he would buy it.

"Alright, I'm going to take a close look, sit tight and tell me if anything hurts".

Ed prodded the abrasion, thoroughly examining it. Elizabeth winced a couple times but never vocalized any pain.

"Alright, this is shallow and it should heal soon. If I were you though, I would avoid shampoo for a couple days" Satisfied that he had checked her head, Ed moved on to other questions.

"Have you thrown up?" Ed interrogated.

"I've been in the tuck all day". Elizabeth answered. It was a non-answer, but she was tired of the coddling.

"That's not an answer. Spike?" She should have known better than to try and fool a profiler.

"Nah boss, if I had missed her throwing up I would have at least noticed the smell later".

Elizabeth smirked at the answer. Spike had an interesting sense of humor. She appreciated the lightness he was infusing into the situation. Ed and the boss were starting to stifle her with the attention.

"Feeling nauseous?" Ed questioned.

"Nope"

"Light headed?"

"No"

"Dizzy?"

"No, sir"

"Are you sure? Why did you fall out of your chair?"

Elizabeth grimaced in embarrassment. "He startled me, okay?"

"Can you see me?"

"Looking at you right now, boss".

"Spike you gotta light?"

"All due respect sir, I know what a concussion feels like. I don't have one" Elizabeth calmly stated.

"All due respect Liz, I don't care" Ed's response forced a laugh out of everyone in the truck.

Spike tossed a small pen like at the team leader. Ed nimbly caught the light without looking at it. With a practiced hand he flicked the light in Elizabeth's eyes. His eyes were furrowed, looking intently for a reaction.

Ed then reached up and placed a hand on Elizabeth's throat, feeling for her pulse. His other arm was up and he mouthed the numbers as he counted.

"What's your usual heart rate?" Ed questioned, staring intently at Elizabeth.

"It hovers around 40…I know that's low. It's from the extra running" Elizabeth said. She had more than once been taken to seek immediate medical attention because of her low heart rate. It wasn't something she could control. After an extensive round of testing done by a cardiologist, it was determined that Elizabeth was merely extremely fit.

"Is that the truth?"

"Yes sir, I have the records to prove it if need be".

"So 39 isn't unusual. Her pupils are even and that cut is superficial at best, so I think she's okay. Just got quite the bruise to show off." Ed said, standing up from his crouch. Looking back down at his team member he ordered "Take some advil. I know that's gotta hurt like hell".

"Okay, if you promise that you are alright then let's load up and head back to the barn to debrief. If you so much as wobble though, you are going to the ER. I don't play with head wounds." Sergeant Parker said. "Ed if she goes, you go too". Ed nodded his understanding.

"Wouldn't have it any other way, boss".

The four team members exited the truck to see Sam, Jules, and Wordy loitering around, clearly waiting for them. Elizabeth felt, rather than saw, Spike's gaze tracking her movements. He seemed to have taken the Sergeant's orders to heart. Elizabeth audibly groaned upon seeing the team, knowing that they heard the inquisition that she had just faced.

"Ouch…man, Ed, I didn't see you for one to hit girls" Sam ribbed Ed. Ed's glare was enough to silence Sam's laughter pretty quickly. Elizabeth almost felt bad for Sam. She could see from the glare that Ed considered harming women to be a cardinal sin. She wondered if there was anything personal or if Ed just held a rigid moral construct.

"Hey, she's a big girl. If she says she's okay, then she's okay" Jules quickly defended Elizabeth. With comments like that Jules was quickly becoming one of Elizabeth's favorite team members. She knew that the guys knew intellectually that she could handle herself. But she also knew that because she was small, like Jules, that men tended to forget that when it came to injuries. Clearly this would be the case with the team.

Both Sam and Jules looked at Wordy to see where he would fall on this debate. Both clearly expecting him to take their side.

"Hey, don't look at me," Wordy said, putting his hand up defensively. "I'm so not getting in the middle of this. On one hand I piss off Ed, and I value my job, on the other I have the wrath of Jules and Elizabeth, and I value my life. Uh-uh. No way."

Wordy's comment broke the brief tension and the team all started laughing. Elizabeth in particular. Ed and Sam shook hands and Wordy high fived a chuckling Spike. Elizabeth impulsively threw her arm around Jules' shoulder (Jules was the only team member Elizabeth could really reach to do that) and said "Enough debating about my eye. Let's head back to the barn, team".


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint

Chapter 6

Elizabeth shivered slightly. It was cold outside and she had already been out here for over an hour. They were currently training basic negotiations with Elizabeth leading. Wordy was holding Spike and Jules hostage while Sarge, Ed, and Sam stood behind Elizabeth. He had just demanded cocaine in exchange for not harming his hostages. Elizabeth wanted to sigh. This was so textbook it hurt. She knew that many subjects were unstable and not thinking, but someone she didn't foresee a subject being so stupid as to ask SRU officers for drugs.

"Sir, I'm going to be honest with you here, I don't think that my boss is going to let me do that. However, if we see a good faith showing on your part—if you release the hostages, we may be able to work something out" Elizabeth calmly replied. Her hands were raised and she focused solely on Wordy. Earlier Jules had smirked slightly and it almost caused Elizabeth to burst out laughing.

"Now, I want it now!" Wordy cried out, clearly getting a kick out of this.

"Sir, sir, let's slow it down here" Elizabeth cautioned "Can you tell me why you need cocaine right now?"

Wordy just stared at her for a second. It seemed that she had thrown him for a loop with her response. She heard Sam chuckled softly behind her before someone shushed him. Hopefully Wordy would take the bait.

Surely enough he did, saying "Why would I want coke? Are you stupid?" He brandished his gun at Jules.

Elizabeth had to resist the urge to smile. She had him now.

"No sir, I'm just trying to understand. This situation is pretty tense, don't you think? Let's take some pressure off, if you can just put the gun down, everything will calm down. Maybe then you'll start to feel a little better and we can have that discussion with my boss". Elizabeth could see Wordy thinking, contemplating her negotiation.

"See, I think that maybe you're wanting some cocaine right now because everything is happening pretty fast. Let's just slow it all down. Putting the gun down will make it easier to think." Slowly, she saw the hand lowering.

"That's it. Slow and steady. You're doing the right thing" Elizabeth coached as Wordy's hand touched the ground and released the gun.

"Well done, Elizabeth. I appreciate the unique approach, but that can has the potential to backfire" Sergeant Parker spoke, breaking the seriousness. Wordy, Spike, and Jules all straightened up, dropping their respective characters. "You were able to reign Wordy in, but we try to avoid telling subjects how they feel"

Elizabeth nodded her understanding. She was still new to negotiations. Her style in Special Forces had been yelling 'get on the ground now' while brandishing a semi-automatic.

"That was a new one there. Threw me off a bit" Wordy said.

"That's what I was hoping" Elizabeth said seriously. "I thought that for a second you might go the other way and shot me".

"I think that was one of the fasted we have ever had, boss" Ed interjected. He looked vaguely impressed with Elizabeth.

"Good job, Elizabeth. That one can be tricky sometimes" Jules said, a smile hiding on her face. There seemed to be something about this case that Elizabeth didn't know.

"Remember Sam's coke negotiation?" Spike laughed "I don't think I have ever laughed so hard". Indeed, Spike was already starting to tear up from laughing about the incident. The team broke out in loud guffaws at Spike's reminder.

"Man, I'm never going to live that down, am I?" Sam complained, but he too had a smile on his face. The rest of the team was still laughing.

"Not ever buddy. That one went down in SRU history. I don't think anyone has ever called a subject a 'jackass' before" Ed responded.

"Jackass? Now this I gotta hear" Elizabeth said to the team smiling.

"Ah, my friend, I will be only too happy to tell you the happy story of Samtastic here and his first negotiation" Wordy smiled.

"Alright, alright" Sergeant Parker too was laughing but he put his hands up, signaling the group to collect themselves "It's cold out here. Let's head back inside, debrief, and then we will go on patrols"

Elizabeth couldn't support that plan more. She hated the cold.

Later Elizabeth was sitting in the conference room, listening to the Sergeant dole out patrol assignments. She was relaxed until she heard him say "Spike and Elizabeth take the West end". Elizabeth's eyes widened involuntarily. Under no circumstances did she want to spend any significant amount of time with Spike in a truck. It was different than working a call. When she had been with Spike in the truck doing background, they were both absorbed in tasks, the team chattering in their ears. Now it was going to be just them. Mentally resigning herself she started preparing herself for the upcoming hours.

"I want everyone in full tac gear, show off Team 1" Ed said through a grin. "Let's go keep the peace".

Soon the team was in full tactical gear and heading downstairs to the trucks. Each group split their separate ways and climbed inside their cars.

"I need coffee. What about you?" Elizabeth said as they slide into the truck. She was hopelessly addicted to caffeine and her usual Diet Coke hadn't sufficed today. Plus, she hoped that coffee would give an excuse not to talk.

"Copy that. Timmy's run is a go" Spike said, smiling slightly. The car then fell into silence as Spike merged the car into traffic.

"You seem tense" Spike said quietly.

"Nope, just looking around" Elizabeth said shortly. She knew that she wasn't being welcoming, but she was still a little angry. As much as she wanted to be close with the team, she wasn't going to sacrifice herself. Plus her head ached from caffeine withdrawal.

"Look, Elizabeth, I…I don't know" Spike hit the steering wheel in frustration. Elizabeth glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes. He was starting to make her nervous. Just as she was about to try and start defusing the situation, Spike spoke again.

"Lou was my best friend. I'm so sorry about before. I was so far out of line there. You're right. I don't know you. All I can think about is Lou. I forget that not everyone else is too".

Elizabeth didn't know what to say. She wanted to comfort Spike. To share that while the pain didn't dull, your tolerance to it raised. The reminders became less and less. Life resumed. But she couldn't make her mouth open. The pure anger that Spike had hurled at her had stung far deeper than she thinks he realized.

Eventually she decided on "It takes time". Swallowing harshly she continued "It's been almost 15 years since my parents died. That doesn't make it hurt less. You just learn to live with the pain and one day you'll realize that you can breathe again. You go to the grocery store and it doesn't make you cry because you remember how much they loved grapes. You can live again"

Elizabeth laced her fingers tightly together to stop them from shaking. She could sense Spike glancing her direction. _It's all or nothing_ , she thought.

"They were murdered, too" She hesitantly began. "In front of me. I know the rage that fills you when someone is taken away too soon. It makes you sick to your stomach. You hate the bastard who did this almost as much as you hate yourself for not stopping it. You were right there and maybe, just maybe if you had done something different they would still be alive. Maybe if you had fought harder, had listened more, had begged differently. Maybe it's your fault they're dead". Now that she had begun talking, she wasn't sure she could stop. But Elizabeth knew she had to shut it down soon before she dug herself in too deep.

"Right after my parents' deaths I became obsessed with finding out why. I was convinced that if I just found out why they were taken from me I would finally be able to move on. I pushed myself harder and harder to train more, study more, be more. I was wrong. I turned by body into a weapon because I was going to track down that bastard. But in the end I hated myself and everyone else. It almost destroyed me" Elizabeth ran out of air and had to stutter to a pause. Taking a minute she took a deep breath. Words were coming out that she had long suppressed and never uttered, even to Joe.

"I, uh, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I get it. I do. For what it's worth, you're coping a lot better than I ever did. And I also know how useless that is to hear right now so I'll just shut up" Elizabeth bowed her head and stopped talking.

The car was silent for several minutes. Elizabeth sat tensely, trying to close the lid on the box of emotions she had cracked to relate with Spike. Finally as Spike steered the car into Timmy's to get the desired coffee, he spoke.

"Thank you"

It was a quiet thanks, no other words coming with it. Spike reached over and placed his hand over Elizabeth's folded ones. His calming touch stopped the shudders running through her body. His thumb rubbed soothing circles, creating a radiating warmth. Elizabeth nodded and finally, relaxed.

The next day the team was out training again. There weren't any outstanding warrants for them to serve and so far, the phones had been quiet. Elizabeth was currently waiting for Sam and Jules to finish their run of the course. It was her and Spike's turn next and she wanted to get this over with.

They were running injured team drills—meaning that Elizabeth was gearing up to carry Spike through a variety of obstacles. This was a drill that she had run a hundred times throughout her career in the military and joining the SRU. She wasn't a giant fan of it. Not for the reasons most people thought. She was fully capable, even with her small stature, of carrying her comrades. She didn't like it because she had been forced to use it before, many times. Usually, when she had while in the military, the fallen solider hadn't made it.

"You ready for this?" Spike turned and asked Elizabeth with a smile.

"Born ready" Elizabeth answered, her game face firmly affixed. "Aren't you supposed to be getting on the ground?" She asked, smirking at him.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm getting there" Spike said as they walked together to the starting point.

"Alright, you ready, Elizabeth?" Ed called from where he and Sarge were standing; timing them.

"Yes sir!" Elizabeth called back, throwing in a salute for effect.

"Go!"

At the call Elizabeth was grabbing Spike, manipulating him into a position so she could then use her momentum to sling him over her shoulders. As accomplished this smoothly and quickly. Elizabeth had taken months to learn the technique and spent another month afterwards perfecting it.

"Nice one, Lizzie" Spike grunted as she ran through tires.

"Shut up, Spike. Aren't you just supposed to lay there and look pretty?" Elizabeth panted out evenly as she worked the next obstacle, dodging cones.

"Yes ma'am" Even without seeing him, Elizabeth could sense the laughter in Spike's voice. His happiness was contagious and she found herself smiling despite her now running to the finish line.

"Nicely done, Cadden" Ed said as she crossed the line.

Elizabeth nodded her appreciation and then crouched down, letting Spike clamber off her back.

"That was the smoothest ride I've had in a while" Spike laughed. "Liz, you gotta show Wordy how to do that"

Elizabeth just laughed and replied "I never reveal my secrets, boys"

"Alright, alright, you two head in" Sarge said, smiling in spite of himself. "I want the both of you to go over the equipment before we clean later"

"How did we get that fun job boss?" Spike asked laughingly.

"It's that or run the drills again until someone gets close to Elizabeth's time" Ed said, peering at Spike.

"Oh no, no, this is fine. This is—"

"Checking the equipment—we can do that" Elizabeth said with a thumbs up, interrupting Spike and smiling at Ed.

Elizabeth and Spike turned together and walked back towards headquarters. Elizabeth padded her pockets and pulled her phone out, checking it. She knew that Joe couldn't contact her right now via cell phone but she would receive email updates occasionally and if he was injured she would get a call. This lead to Elizabeth being slightly paranoid about her phone when Joe was on assignment overseas.

"What's up?" Spike asked.

Elizabeth glanced up to see him looking at her curiously.

"Oh, nothing. Joe's overseas and sometimes I get updates" Elizabeth easily said, sliding her phone back into one of her many pockets. "I get a little paranoid".

"Sounds like a good reason to be paranoid" Spike said amicably. "Is he the one who taught you how to lift like that?"

"Wow, you sure are impressed with that carry there, aren't you?" Elizabeth said.

"I'm just saying it was much nicer than the usual one I'm put through. Samtastic had a rough hand" Spike laughed, gesturing as he spoke. It was one of the things that made it fun to talk to him—he was always so animated.

"Sam would" Elizabeth replied, thoughtfully. She could practically see the combat dripping of Sam. He had some serious ghosts he was fighting there. She had come close to talking with him a couple times but restrained herself at the last minute. She didn't want to go butting in on something that wasn't her business.

"What does that mean" Spike asked, as he held the door open for Elizabeth.

"It means that Sam wears his military experience like a shield. To anyone like me, who had served, it's obvious he had seen combat experience. His lifts are probably bumpy because instead of jogging a few hundred feet in a building he was probably sprinting through the desert with men on his back bleeding out. It becomes a little less important to be smooth when you're a man down and it's you who has to get him to medical" Elizabeth explained as they entered the equipment cage and started cataloging gear.

"Sounds like you've done your share of sprinting" Spike quietly said. He seemed cautious to pose the pseudo-question.

Elizabeth looked over at him and gave him a slight smile, indicating that she wasn't upset about it. "That I have. I took months learning how to do that lift because I found after my first tour that the men I carried out usually didn't make it. I wanted the last trip they took to be as pain free as possible."

Elizabeth expected silence after that. It wasn't something that was particularly fun to talk about or listen to.

"I'm sorry about that" Spike eventually said, the tips of his ear red like he was embarrassed for asking.

"I am too" Elizabeth agreed. "They gave their lives for their country. I figured the least I could do was learn how to make the trip nice. And to answer your previous question, yes, it was Joe. Although I never managed to lift him" She tried to steer the conversation away from the serious topics. She didn't want to get into sad stuff.

"You don't say" Spike laughed. "I've seen photos of him. He's what—6' 2", 225?"

At that Elizabeth laughed. "Try 6'4" and 265. I tried it all of once—which he warned me against multiple times and practically broke my back as I fell on my face. Joe was so upset with me" She reminisced, smiling.

The afternoon commenced in much of the same manner. Elizabeth found that Spike was surprising easy to talk to. He seemed to be trying to make up for his earlier outburst outside the locker rooms. Elizabeth did her best to let him know, without saying of course, that they were fine. She didn't hold any ill will against him. Together, they cleared out the equipment locker and then laughed as the rest of the team trouped in, spent from running extra drills.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint-I just borrow the characters**

Chapter 7

Elizabeth fumbled to answer the dinging web call on her laptop. She was currently laying on her couch, ice packs resting solidly on her eye. All her injuries—if they could even be called that—were healing nicely. Her eye had faded to a dull greenish yellow hue. It was almost gone. A particularly hard day had Elizabeth icing it in hopes that the tension headache would disappear and the bruise wouldn't be as noticable. She had fallen asleep waiting for Joe to call her this evening.

"Joe!" Elizabeth exclaimed as the grainy picture came up on her laptop. She was thrilled that she finally got to talk to him in person. It had been a six weeks since the incident with Hilary. This was one of the longest times she had gone without talking to her adoptive father. She had massively underestimated her time commitment to team 1. She was fine with putting in the extra time, she just hadn't expected it. Pre-shift workouts were a great bonding time, but also ate into her Joe time. Because of that she and Joe had been playing a web cam version of phone tag for days.

"Lizzie!" Joe's exclamation, if possible, contained more excitement than Elizabeth's. His face, which had contained a wide grin suddenly turned sour. "What the hell happened to your eye?"

Elizabeth sighed. She was expecting this but she really didn't want to get into the Spanish Inquisition with Joe over this. He was yet another male who forgot that women can handle themselves when he saw any sign of injuries. This tendency combined with his hero complex made him a particularly oppressive mother hen when he was worried about Elizabeth.

"Accident at work, nothing bad" Elizabeth answered briefly, a tiny part of her hoping he was busy so he would let it go. No such luck.

"Not buying it Liz" Joe responded in his no nonsense voice. This voice had the capability to bring fear into grown men. It merely served to increase Elizabeth's stubbornness. He couldn't scare her. She had seen Joe cry from watching Frozen, even though Joe furiously defended that it had been something in his eye.

"Nothing! Just practicing combat. You know how it is sometimes, an elbow flies here, a foot there. So I have a black eye, big deal". Elizabeth was deflecting and they both knew it. They also knew that she would eventually cave to Joe's demands. However, the ritual would not be complete if Elizabeth didn't drag her feet at every possible avenue. "Also, just for the record, not the first time I've had a black eye.

"Even through this shitty picture I can tell that that shiner came from a fist. Hard. Now let's try this again. What happened?" Elizabeth cursed Joe's perceptiveness.

"I took a punch from the team leader. It was an accident. A call came in as we were training and it took us both by surprise". Elizabeth usually held out longer, but she was tired, her head hurt, and she wanted to move on to other subjects. Elizabeth was sure that she was going to regret telling Joe in a minute. Sure enough, Joe erupted.

"Ed Lane did WHAT?" He shouted into the computer. "Dammit that man should know better. You don't hit girls".

"Oookay Mr. macho man. Calm down, you act like he attacked me. Look he didn't…wait how did you know Ed is the team leader? I didn't tell you that!"

Joe was suddenly the one looking sheepish. Elizabeth connected the dots and glared furiously at the man on the screen. She couldn't believe he had invaded her work life like that.

"You had your people look into my team! Joe!" Elizabeth's indignation was usually a source of entertainment for Joe, however, this time it didn't seem like it was. He seemed to sense that this was more serious than joking.

"I just wanted to make sure that you are with good people. You have a dangerous job" Joe tried to pacify his angry daughter. He actually looked scared of the petite girl. It was almost comical to behold. Six foot five Joe Cadden was reduced to cowering from his tiny daughter.

"Special Forces was dangerous! I was shot at! Hell, I got shot! And don't tell me you control those guys, okay? That's not the point. I can take care of myself. I'm not that fourteen year old girl anymore. Just because you aren't close by doesn't mean that I can't function" Elizabeth was clearly upset. Joe had struck a nerve. "I work so hard to prove myself to the boys. It doesn't help that you undermine me by doing stuff like this. Now everyone will think I'm a joke. You know how news like this travels".

"I know that Lizzie. I do. It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I worry about you. I know you are capable. Hell, you have a gift. But you're my kid, Liz, of course I'm going to worry about you. This is new for me too. We haven't ever been this far apart. I needed to know my baby girl was with the best" Joe's tone was gentle and soft. Elizabeth could feel the love and it brought tears to her eyes. "Although…the best apparently aren't good enough" he mused.

"I know dad. It's been a long weekend on shift, I'm sorry".

"It's okay, now tell me again how Lane decked you".

Sighing Elizabeth recounted the story, having to pause every few minutes to talk Joe down from calling Ed personally. She made a mental note to follow up with him to make sure he kept his promises not to try and intimidate her team leader. Joe reminded her of the day after she had been hit and how the boys at the SRU had fussed over then went on to tell Joe how the team had received the presents she had commissioned for them.

" _Before everyone leaves, I have something to hand out" Elizabeth quickly spoke after the team finished their debrief._

 _The team sat back down, staring at Elizabeth. Nervous energy made her hands tremor slightly. She knew that this could go one of two ways—the team could love it or they would despise her for her intrusion._

" _I, uh, I know how hard it is to lose a man. I've had experience with it too. Nothing can really make it better but these are helpful. I had these bands made for you guys so that he's with you on every call, every workout, and every drill. I thought that it might make it a little easier. I know the pain won't go away, but it's the best I could do" Elizabeth babbled as she opened the black box she was holding. Elizabeth nervously locked eyes with Sergeant Parker. He gave her an encouraging smile and motioned for her to continue._

 _The box revealed six black bands with silver plates on them. The plates read Lou's name and badge number._

 _Elizabeth placed the box in the middle of the table and took a small step back. She subconsciously was trying to distance herself from them if this went south. The team examined the bracelets inquisitively for a few seconds. Elizabeth held her breath, rocking slightly on her heels._

 _Jules was the first to react._

" _Thank you Elizabeth, this is really nice" she said as she reached out to take one and fit it over her wrist._

 _Sam seconded Jules' statement._

" _Thank you, Liz, these mean a lot. I love it" Wordy said. He had taken to calling Elizabeth Liz, which she secretly loved. She wasn't hugely fond of her full name, but she didn't want to make special requests. She was also glad that everyone seemed to like them so far. Ed and Sarge had also taken one and put them on their respective wrists. Smiles were greeting her from most of the team and only then did Elizabeth let out the breath she was holding._

" _He would have liked this" Spike's quiet comment was the most valued one. It gave Elizabeth the validation that she was looking for that she did the right thing. Even more validating was the warm smile he graced her with. There was a light in his eyes she hadn't seen before. She had seen enough pain in his eyes to want to do anything to take even a tiny bit away. Warmth flooded her as she realized that, in even such a small way, she had helped the team heal._

Elizabeth smiled as she finished the story. She was still relieved that the team had liked the bands. She had even seen Ed wearing his this morning during pre-shift workouts. She had grown closer with the team over the last three weeks. She was finally starting to settle in and feel more comfortable with everyone. Spike in particular had been more accepting and welcoming. He and Elizabeth had been paired on more than one occasion and she found that they worked very well together. Possibly because they had the same sense of humor which seemed to be to the perpetual annoyance to Ed.

A number of tense calls had allowed Elizabeth to show off her skill and prove that she had the team's back. She found that increasingly she was on tactical positions, which was preferable. In return, the team had invited her out for drinks and to dinners. She was starting to understand the inside jokes and even be included on some of them. The boys felt comfortable teasing her, which was always a sign of respect, as convoluted as that was. Elizabeth remembered the routine weigh ins and the ribbing she had taken from the boys then.

" _Braddock" The administrator called. Sam stepped up onto the scale in full tac gear. "185"._

" _Callaghan" Jules sauntered up to the plate amind the boy's chuckles "130"._

" _Cadden" Elizabeth stepped forward. She hated weigh-ins. She knew they were necessary but they felt demeaning. She wasn't self-consious about her weight by any means. But she did feel awkward when her small frame was compared to Wordy or the Sergeant. "120"_

 _With that, weigh-ins were done and the team prepared to drag Sarge (the heaviest of them) across the floor._

" _Geez, Elizabeth, do you eat?" Wordy good naturedly ribbed._

" _Seriously Liz, where do you put it all?" Ed joked._

" _Dude, it's all that running she does. That's why she's so fast—she's tiny!" Spike added._

" _Yeah Elizabeth, I though Jules here was small!" Sam added._

 _Elizabeth turned towards the boys, her face stoic. Very seriously she asked, "Sam, are you calling Jules fat?"_

 _Sam blanched and looked over at the female SRU officer. Jules was playing her part well, her face was set in a harsh, angry manner. Jules folded her arms over her chest and gave Same a look that clearly said he better explain, fast._

 _Sam immediately tried to backtrack "No! No! I'm just saying that Jules is small and so are you. I mean you guys are like 100 pounds lighter than Sarge here and that's all"_

 _Greg had walked up during this time and added "Are you call me fat, Sam?"_

 _Sam's face was priceless. He clearly didn't know what to say to salvage the situation. Elizabeth didn't see how he could—he was damned if he did, damned if he didn't. Finally he croaked out "I uh, I didn't mean that, sarge.."_

 _Elizabeth couldn't keep it together anymore. She burst out laughing. Once she had cracked, the rest of the team, minus Sam, all doubled over laughing._

 _Sam's face transformed from slightly terrified to amused. "Nice, guys. Nice. I thought that Elizabeth here was the rookie"_

" _Ah, but Elizabeth didn't call another woman fat" Ed said, his face red from laughing. "You, my friend, have a lot to learn"._

 _The team laughed and joked as they took turns dragging the Sarge across the floor._

They had also served the routine pranks. One in particular had stood out as one of the best pranks anyone had even pulled on her.

 _Elizabeth closed her locker. She had just finished putting on all her gear and did one final check to make sure she had everything. Determining that she was all set, she strode out of the locker room and towards the conference room. She made her routine stop by the cooler and grabbed her diet coke. The team had teased her endlessly about her addiction to the drink. Elizabeth just shrugged it off. She thought everyone else was missing out._

 _Entering the room, she missed the looks her teammates were exchanging. Elizabeth sat down and waited for the Sarge to start going over the day. They were going to be executing warrant calls today. Not the most exciting task, but their job nonetheless._

 _As she waited, she twisted the cap off her drink and took a sip. Instead of the crisp flavor of diet coke, she was met with the most horrific taste she had ever encountered. Unfortunately, Ed had begun speaking just as she put the bottle to her lips. Elizabeth started choking on the drink, spitting it out across the table._

 _Ed stopped and just looked at her._

" _Forget how to swallow, Cadden?" He asked mildly._

 _Elizabeth was still spluttering from the taste. Her eyes were watering and tears were starting to make their way down her cheeks. It was just so horrible._

 _The team burst out laughing. It started with Sam chuckling and soon turned into everyone clutching at their ribs, laughing. Even Sergeant Parker was wiping away laughter-induced tears._

" _You…you…you did this!" Elizabeth stuttered. She had been expecting a prank…just not one this well executed. This was genius._

" _Welcome to the team, rookie." Ed said, finally straightening up. His grin was infectious and soon, Elizabeth felt her lips turning up as well. She had been waiting for the pranks. She was finally a part of the team._

Or perhaps the other prank they pulled on her while running drills. This one had been a little more embarrassing.

 _The team was running shooting drills. They were supposed clearing a hallway, 10 targets, 10 bullets. Elizabeth was the last one up. She had already completed this training when the team selected her. She knew that the targets shifted, however, she wasn't too nervous about what was going to be thrown at her. This situation was tame compared the buildings that she had routinely cleared during her Special Forces days._

 _Elizabeth stepped into the room and readied herself. The door slammed shut and she was sealed off from the rest of the world. Elizabeth felt herself going into a zone. She was focused and calm, her attention singularly on the mission. A target appeared in front of her and she whipped her gun up. However, the second she pulled the trigger her gun seemingly exploded in glitter and sparkles._

 _Elizabeth didn't see the sparkles though, she saw an explosion. Elizabeth couldn't help it, she screamed. Shrieked, really. She was just so surprised. She almost dropped the gun, but due to years of training managed to keep hold of it. However, she did shrink to the floor and cover her head. She hadn't really registered the sparkles, she just saw an explosion and reacted. It wasn't until she heard her team laughing that she dropped her arms. Then she realized that instead of the grenades she thought were going being used, it was really just a prank._

 _She wanted to cry. However she knew that the team hadn't meant any harm. They didn't know. Well, maybe Sam did, but it really wasn't their fault. Plus, two pranks meant that she was absolutely accepted. Elizabeth stood and wrenched the door open. In the control room the entire team was collectively losing their cool. Well, except Sam. He shot Elizabeth a contrite look and mouthed sorry. Right then Elizabeth knew that Sam had seen what she had. She smiled and shrugged. Looking at the rest of the team, Elizabeth smiled more broadly and curtsied at the team._

" _Nice performance in there, Cadden!" Wordy goaded "Next time we'll send you in to scream at the subject"_

" _Oh my god I can't believe you screamed!" Spike was practically crying "And you ducked, like that was going to do anything!"_

 _Elizabeth took the teasing with an air of grace and let the team have their fun. Goodness knows they hadn't laughed enough lately._

"Do you remember Sam Braddock?" Elizabeth questioned.

"Yeah—brilliant kid. Worked with him a few times and he impressed me. Amazing sniper but his old man isn't the easiest to get along with. Why?"

"He's on my team. He mentioned that he knew you, that's all"

"Oh, well I'm glad he has your back. I trust him. Liz…I know you don't want to talk about it, but look we both know what Wednesday is" Joe said softly. It was Monday night right now, and this would be the last time both of them could talk for a week. This had to be discussed today or not at all. Elizabeth stiffened. She knew that Joe would never forget but she was hoping he wouldn't bring it up. She knew better than to play the 'it's been this many years' card. Just as she had told Spike, there was no time limit on grief. No limit on the trauma of watching your parent's murdered in front of you. There wasn't a switch that flipped after five years making it better. You only say that to get people off your back. Anyone who has every lost someone knows that the years only dull the memories. Not the pain.

"I'm working. Got some good distractions lined up" Elizabeth said quietly. "And before you say it's a bad idea, I know. I'm not going to be heading anything up so it's fine. I'll probably be in the truck doing background if we get a hot call. I just really don't want to be alone"

Joe just looked at her through the camera. She had the distinct feeling that he was looking through her right into her soul. It was one of the rare times that Joe made her feel uncomfortable. Despite her discomfort she was impressed that he was able to do that trick without being in person.

"I'm sorry I'm missing it. A couple of my buddies offered to come over if you don't want to spend the night alone. You know all of them and they all are under strict orders to fill your every wish". Joe said the last part with a slight smile. Elizabeth could tell he was trying very hard to make her feel better about everything.

"No…no. It's gonna be okay. I'll be okay. I'm a big girl" Elizabeth said. She didn't want to inconvenience anyone and she sure as hell didn't want vague friends watching her cry. Elizabeth knew that the men would respect any and all boundaries she put up, but she just couldn't bring herself to be so vulnerable. She thought she saw tears in Joe's eyes after she said that. Sure enough, the next words out of his mouth were strangled with emotion.

"Sweetheart you are so capable…but this isn't a big girl type of thing. Don't ever feel like it's supposed to be".

"Dad, it's not. I'm not. I'm just saying that I can catch myself this time. You did it for so many years and now I'm ready" Elizabeth said. She felt awful for making Joe cry. Truthfully she had no idea if she could handle it by herself. She just knew that she would die before she told Joe that. It was shatter the man to hear his daughter needed him and he wasn't there to provide.

"Well I am going to carry a SAT phone. If you need me, call. I will answer. If you need company, call John. He'll show up with enough pizza, beer, and marines that you'll have nothing else to focus on. Now try to get some sleep" Joe reassured her. They both said goodbyes and signed off. Despite Elizabeth claiming that she was fine, she felt relief that she wouldn't be totally on her own. Of course, Sergeant Parker, if he had in fact read her file and had a good memory, would know that Wednesday as the anniversary of her parent's murders. However, Elizabeth just wasn't close enough to him to go for help just yet, especially not with such a personal matter.

Greg had been true to his word. The team gave no indication that they knew of her past. Either they were extremely good liars, which was plausible, or they didn't know, which was probable. She was grateful for their ignorance. The last thing she wanted was for pitying looks and questions of her emotional state all day Wednesday. It was already going to be hard enough. She didn't need to pretend that it wasn't hard when people asked.

Shifting on the couch, Elizabeth set the computer on her coffee table and got up to return the fallen ice pack to the freezer. Joe was right, she needed to sleep. However, she knew the effort would be futile. Despite this, Elizabeth resolutely prepared for bed and laid down. As she closed her eyes chilling images of blood and guns haunted her. Tears fell down her cheeks and dotted her pillows. Silently, Elizabeth sobbed for the family she lost too soon.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint or it's characters.

Chapter 8

Elizabeth stifled a jaw cracking yawn. It was only the beginning of pre-shift workouts the next morning but she had been at HQ for a few hours. After trying, and failing, to sleep for several hours, Elizabeth had given up and decided to take her emotions out the good old fashioned way, at the gym. All morning she had been battling the memories that threatened to overcome her. Elizabeth prided herself in her mental control. This date was the chink in her armor. If she had been here longer, she would have asked for the day to herself.

Seeing as Elizabeth had already completed her usual run, she decided to change up her routine. She had decided a week ago to try and build more muscle. She wasn't weak by any standards. However, she couldn't compete with the men. She wanted to try and lessen the gap between them. Also, it might have to do with her humiliating experience of manning the ram during a training exercise and instead of breaking down the door, falling flat on her ass. The team had a field day with that one. What better way to build muscle and relieve tension than to take it out on a punching bag? It was perfect.

Sam usually resided at the afore mentioned bag, especially if it had been a strenuous call. Today though he was busy spotting Jules at the bench press. Despite only being on the team for a short while, Elizabeth had picked up on the chemistry between those two. She sometimes wondered if they were dating. Elizabeth knew far better than to ask though. There were strict regulations on these things and she wasn't going to be the one to point fingers. More importantly, Elizabeth didn't care. She trust both of them completely, whether or not they were dating. Right now though, the couple seemed to be more involved in laughing and trading whispered comments than working out.

Elizabeth stretched out her shoulders and sank into a fighting stance. Before Elizabeth could throw her first punch in the siren whirred "Team 1 Hot call!"

Elizabeth stepped out of her stance and instead jogged to the lockers to change. Soon, she was sitting next to Spike in the truck listening to their Sergeant give the details of the call as they drove.

"Okay team we have a gunman holding two children hostage. Kids' names are Abby and Robert Geller. No ID on the gunman so far. He appears to have grabbed them in a coffee shop. Reports say that he is holed up in the backroom. Subject is level red."

Elizabeth stiffened. Her mind flashed back to her dad calling her to dinner

 _Abby come on down, dinner's ready!_

Mentally shaking herself, Elizabeth pushed all her emotions deep down inside of her and locked them in place. Her name wasn't Abby anymore. It was Elizabeth. She was Elizabeth and she was in control.

Ed's voice rang out now, severe and commanding.

"Okay, kids mean less lethal and no flash bangs or CS gas. Sam and Jules bravo team. Spike, I need you in the truck. I need eyes in on this and we need a layout. Gotta see what we are working with. Wordy with me, we are alpha team. Elizabeth you're on boss"

Elizabeth swallowed. She had assured Joe that she would step down today. However, she wasn't sure if she could bring herself to ask to be benched. Not when there were kids involved.

"Copy that" Elizabeth heard herself say.

"Hey" Spike said softly when Ed had finished his instructions. "You okay?"

Elizabeth mentally berated herself for letting her emotions show on her face. She threw on her emotionless mask, but it was already too late.

"Yep, I just don't like it when there are kids. Kinda hits a nerve" Elizabeth replied steadily, her tone colder than usual. She was counting on the fact that Spike didn't know her that well that he wouldn't realize her lie. As she glanced sideways at him, she saw his pursed lips. He clearly didn't believe her but nonetheless dropped the subject.

Arriving at the scene, the SRU agents all jumped out of their vehicles and sprang into action. Elizabeth grabbed a shield and jogged over to where Sergeant Parker was standing. Man she had forgotten how heavy these shields were. Now she remembered why she wanted to bulk up.

"Boss, we are in luck. This place has cameras. I'm getting eyes in now" Spike reported.

"Excellent, Spike" Sergeant Parker responded. "I'm on the way"

Both Elizabeth and Sergeant Parker strode over to the command truck to see what they were dealing with. Inside, Spike had pulled up the video feed from the coffee shop. The grainy video showed two children cowering against a corner. A man was pacing in front of them. He looked like he was pulling at his hair and scratching his arms.

"Severe agitation. I don't think this was planned" Elizabeth observed.

"No, this seems to be opportunity. We need to find out what set him off" Spike said. Elizabeth could hear him typing furiously away at the computer.

"We need to find out who he is. You got a number for me to call?" Greg calmly inquired.

"I have the store number, you can try that" Spike said.

"Better than nothing, send it through. We need an ID on that subject"

"Sending it your way boss" Spike affirmed.

Sarge and Elizabeth stepped out of the truck and cautiously approached the coffee shop.

Sergeant Parker then raised a black megaphone. Taking a deep breath he called out "This is Sergeant Greg Parker with the Strategic Response Unit. I am going to be calling the store phone, please answer"

Parker got the number and quickly had it dialed through his headset. Elizabeth didn't expect an answer from the subject. She was surprised when her boss quickly started his negotiations. From the sounds of it, the subject wasn't sure what he was doing. This made the situation that much more dangerous. With no clear cut demands, where was nothing to really work from. Elizabeth felt a dropping in her stomach. She had a bad feeling about this call.

While Sarge started negotiations, Spike managed to get his hands on a copy of the floorplan. The back room only had one entrance, but weirdly enough, it had a skylight centered over the room. Ed sent Jules and Sam up to the roof to get in place for entry. Meanwhile, Elizabeth, Sarge, Wordy, and Ed got in place in front of the door to the back room.

"I got an ID!" Spike's voice reigned triumphant. "Meet Shawn Aucoin. 22 years old with a past. He was detained in a mental health facility for three years for treatment of paranoid schizophrenia after he tried to kill his sister. He was release two days ago from the facility, I don't know why yet. Looking now for contact info on family".

"Okay, good job Spike".

"Elizabeth, I would ditch the shield. Paranoid schizophrenic is going to see it as more of a threat and it will hinder rather than help. Might be the thing he needs to start firing". Ed suggested.

"Copy that" Elizabeth said, setting the shield down against the wall.

"Sam, Jules, how's that entry looking?" Ed questioned.

"Three minutes, still working on getting the dome off" Sam was out of breath, betraying his exertion.

"Excellent, you have 90 seconds" Ed commanded.

"Copy that" Jules panted.

Spike came over the radio then and announced that he had made contact with Shawn's mother.

"She says that he suffers from delusions thinking that he is being attacked. When he tried to kill his sister, he thought he was killing a monster and saving himself. He was checked out of the facility due to a lack of funding for the continuation of his care, not a medical release. The family hasn't been in contact with him since he was committed. Woman says that they decided to protect their daughter and Shawn in beyond help" Spike practically spit the last part out. It was clear that he thought a mother giving up hope for her son was despicable. "She doesn't want anything to do with Shawn, she's refusing to speak to him".

Suddenly shots rang out.

"Shots fired! Shots fired!" Echoed around the radio.

"Alpha team aggressive entry on my count! 3, 2, 1!" Ed instructed.

Ed and Wordy forced their way into the storage room with Elizabeth and Sergeant Parker following. Jules and Sam burst in through the skylight and moved into position in front of the kids. Upon inspection, there appeared to be a bullet hole in the ceiling. Both kids look unharmed, although terrified, with no blood on either of them. The subject looked horrified.

"I…I didn't mean to. I didn't mean for the gun to go off. It was an accident"

Elizabeth didn't understand…why would he be so upset about the gun going off? Hadn't he brought it to use it? This cemented her fear that this call would end in tragedy.

"It's okay son, no one's hurt. How about we put the gun down so it doesn't happen again?" Sergeant Parker asked calmly with his hands raised. He took and step forward and Elizabeth took one too, careful to keep her body in front of the boss's. She was his defense.

"I have to save them. No one else will" Shawn's hand was shaking as he backed in front of the children.

"Shawn, buddy, let's just slow it down here…what are you saving them from?" Sergeant Parker asked.

"You wouldn't understand! You never understand. No one does"

"Can you explain it to me, Shawn? I would really like that" Sarge questioned.

"No! No! I don't want to do this anymore…" The turned the gun on himself now, pressing the barrel to his temple. The team tensed. Sam and Jules moved more directly in front of the children, trying to shield their view.

"I got the solution" Sam whispered.

"Hold, hold." Sarge muttered back before raising his voice and addressing Shawn.

"Shawn, that's not a good idea. We are here to help you, let us help. Let's just slow it down." Sergeant Parker pleaded. Elizabeth saw that he was trying to take the pressure off Shawn. Shawn's actions betrayed his frazzled state. His movements were disorganized and sporadic.

"How do you know my name? How? I didn't tell you" Shawn visibly grew more agitated. He seemed to have missed the fact that Sergeant Parker had already said his name several times. His eyes were roving around the team but Elizabeth wasn't sure he was seeing them. It seemed like he was far gone in another place and another time.

"I don't think he's with us, boss. Look at his eyes" Elizabeth quietly murmured into her com link.

"Copy that. Threat level increasing" Ed said, edging closer to the subject. He clearly saw what Elizabeth did—that negotiations were doomed.

Sarge hesitated for a moment before saying "We got a picture off the CCTV. It's right up there" Sarge pointed to the camera in the corner. "See, we wanted to know who you are so we can help"

"No, no. This isn't right" Shawn mumbled, his eyes were downcast. Elizabeth had the feeling he was no longer listening to anything or anyone around him.

"Stay with me, Shawn. This is all going to be alright buddy. I just need you to lower the gun"

While Sergeant Parker continued trying to talk the boy down, Shawn was getting more and more agitated. It was clear that negotiations were heading downward. His arms were swinging around, the gun moving dangerously. Before anyone could do anything, before Elizabeth could even blink, Shawn had raised his gun to focus on Sarge. Time stood still. Elizabeth saw Shawn's fingers tighten on the trigger. One pull and it would be done. Elizabeth inched to the left, completely blocking Sarge. His finger twitched.

Elizabeth shot.

Shawn's body fell to the floor. Blood had sprayed the back of the white wall and was dotted across the now sobbing children. Her team exploded into action. Sam and Jules were on top of the children and Ed and Wordy were rushing forward.

Elizabeth found herself on the floor. Pain had blossomed directly over her heart. She couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't move. Ed's face appeared before her wide eyes. His mouth was moving, words were being formed. Why couldn't Elizabeth hear them? His head turned to yell something—she could see the tendons in his neck standing out. His hands were pressing down hard on her chest. She wished she could get him off. Couldn't he see that it hurt? She closed her eyes, trying to summon focus to put the pieces of what happened together.

The world rushed back to her. She could hear the children crying. She heard Ed's yell for a medic. She could see Sam and Wordy had already swarmed the body and hear calls of "Subject contained" which was code for subject dead. She could hear her teammates trying to rouse her over the com link. She could feel the bullet safely contained in her vest. Although, safely was relative. Her chest was an inferno of pain, rolling through her body. She wondered when she had gotten shot.

"It's going to be okay, Elizabeth. Just stay with me here" Ed was saying as he increased the weight on her chest. "We need medics, now! Officer down"

Sam's face joined Ed. "Where is it? I don't see it. Dammit!" He too looked frantic as his hands joined Ed's.

"Elizabeth, don't close your eyes." Sam harshly ordered, his voice held controlled panic. "Just keep breathing with us, I know it hurts".

"Get this damn vest off, she can't breathe" Ed ordered.

Elizabeth finally got her breathing under control and was able to speak. "No harm" Elizabeth panted out. "No harm. Got my vest".

"You sure there? I swear I saw it hit you" Her team leader was now unzipping her tactical vest and running his hands on her bulletproof one, looking for the bullet. Finding it, he sighed and sank back, covering his eyes with his hands. She was surprised to see the slight tremble in the sniper's arms. Elizabeth realized that the shot must have been a close one. Ed was a seasoned officer and for him to apply pressure before searching her vest meant it had been close—too close for comfort. Sam too, was Special Forces. Elizabeth wondered what they had seen to spook them so much.

"Oh thank God, Lizzie. It looked like you were down. You gotta stop scaring everyone like this. It's not cool" Spike's voice came from her headset. His tone was forcibly light, but Elizabeth could detect the relief and the waver of fear.

"Bastard got her right in the heart" Ed sounded angry but Elizabeth knew it was because of the heart attack she had unwittingly given all of them. "I don't know how you saw that so quickly. By the time I realized Shawn had fired you had already shot. Then the next thing I know you're down".

"He was going to shot. I swear, he was going to do it" Elizabeth gasped. She was suddenly filled with crushing doubt…she had seen him tense, right?

"We believe you, Elizabeth. You did what had to be done" Ed soothed her, brushing his hand over her forehead.

"Elizabeth, I want EMS to check you out, they are already on route. Then SIU's gonna want to talk to you" Sarge was crouching by Elizabeth's head, looking at her intently. "Go with them, and it'll be over soon".

"Can do" Looking at Ed she offered a small smile and asked "Give a girl a hand, would ya?" She wasn't sure that she would be able to stand by herself. Her chest had turned into an inferno of pain. Damn, she had forgotten how much being shot hurts.

Ed ignored the hand that was outstretched and grasped her under her armpit. Sam crouched on her other side and together the men pulled her smoothly on her feet. For a tense minute Elizabeth couldn't see anything but the pain. She leaned heavily into Sam and Ed. Her teammates silently held her up, supporting her body weight so Elizabeth could focus on breathing.

"Alright, I'm good, you guys can let go now" Elizabeth finally said, raising her head.

"Not gonna happen Liz" Ed's reply was stern but still gentle. Together Sam and Ed cautiously propelled Elizabeth forward, making sure she didn't stumble. Twice they had to stop so Elizabeth could work through the dizzying spells that took her breathe away. While they walked the SRU officers started to prep Elizabeth for SIU.

"Man, what did he have?" Elizabeth gasped after the second time they had to stop. "It feels like I got run over by a train, not shot".

"It was close range 50 cal pistol. Packs a punch" Sam said. "I'm surprised you're walking at all right now. Most people would still be flat on their backs".

"Well I wouldn't be in the SRU if I wasn't a fighter" Elizabeth weakly joked. She then quickly blanched and shut her mouth, freezing. Nausea was rolling through her body, climbing up her throat. Elizabeth could feel the bile coming. She only hoped she didn't throw up on Ed's or Sam's shoes.

"Elizabeth?" Sam questioned, concerned. His face appeared in her field of vision as he leaned to see her face. Once he had taken a look, he was immediately lowering her to the group, commanding Ed to do the same. Before Elizabeth could say anything else she was throwing up, hard.

Her body heaved with the effort of expelling it's every content. Sam supported her from behind while Ed stabilized her throbbing chest as best he could with his arms. Thankfully, the spell was short and Elizabeth was able to lean back, away from her mess.

Groaning, Elizabeth said "I'm sorry guys, that was gross"

Ed ignored her, reaching around to feel her neck and study her pupils. Elizabeth knew he was looking for signs of a concussion. She was fairly confident she didn't have one—it was just her body's response to the overwhelming pain that had taken residency in her chest.

"You okay? Are you going to be sick again?" Sam questioned from her side.

Elizabeth chook her head, repeating "I'm sorry, I hope I didn't barf on you"

"Nope, I caught you in time" Sam clarified for her. "Are you ready to get up again, or do you need a minute?"

Elizabeth took a second to think it over. Her stomach felt more settled, and even if she did gag again, there was nothing left to come up.

"Yeah, I'm fine" Elizabeth finally concluded.

Ed and Sam once again, pulled her into a standing position. They carefully guided around her pool of sickness and continued their trek outside.

"Okay, this is your first lethal" Sam began only to be cut off by Elizabeth.

"No, it's not" That earned a sharp look from Ed; Sam just took it in stride.

"Okay, well this is your first with SIU. Ed and I are gonna be your contact for the next 72 hours" Sam continued, undeterred by Elizabeth's correction. "We'll be around".

"Get checked out—I'm not liking how you got sick back there. You may have a concussion. After you've been cleared, talk to SIU, just tell them the facts. Then you need to go home. Take some time to feel this" Elizabeth had never heard Ed's voice so gentle. "Before you open a bottle, call me or Samo here. We'll help. We want to. Our phones are on, use them"

"Copy that boss" Elizabeth said as she was lowered onto a stretcher.

"I'm serious, Elizabeth. My phone is on and I can be your place, or wherever you are anytime you need me. Same goes for Ed here" Sam said, locking eyes with Elizabeth to convey the depth of his seriousness.

Elizabeth swallowed and nodded.

"Don't worry Lizzie Lou, it'll be fine" Spike's voice was the last thing that Elizabeth heard before she had to surrender her gear and gun to the SIU agent. Smiling at the nickname, Elizabeth laid her head back and let the paramedics work.

The next day the team finished their debrief. It was a quiet affair. They had rescued the hostages which was the primary objective. However, the team seemed to agree that Shawn wasn't to blame. He was taken hostage by his disease. They failed to rescue him. No one blamed her for his death. It was necessary. But no one felt good about it either.

Elizabeth studiously ignored all the glances in her direction. Sarge provided an easy distraction. It was clear that he blamed himself for losing Shawn in the negotiations. After reviewing the transcript, it was clear to Elizabeth that nothing could have changed Shawn's mind. There wasn't anything anyone could have done. But sometimes everything wasn't enough. A life had still been lost. Elizabeth wanted to scream at Shawn's mother. Rage at her that you don't turn your back on family. She hated her. Despised everything she stood for. After hearing Spike's interview with the mom in the debrief, Elizabeth was partly furious, partly devastated. Here she was, desperate for any semblance of family, and this woman threw it away. Discarded her own son like a piece of trash. It hurt Elizabeth on a level that she didn't know could be hurt anymore.

It was cases like this one that served to cement the concept that the people they deal with aren't crazy. They are people pushed past their limits; people put into impossible situations. No one is all bad. Shawn was doing the best he could with what he had. He had been abandoned by his only family, kicked out of the life saving facility that he needed, and left to negotiate a world that terrified him. It was no wonder that he ended up with a gun.

Since the team was still on duty, Ed ordered them to work out. He recognized most of the team was frustrated and saw a need for them to release that energy. Elizabeth felt like a zombie. She had been held up for hours yesterday. First by the medics who insisted by checking her over and then taking her to the hospital despite her irritated interjections that she was fine. She got held up at the hospital for hours while tests were run. Elizabeth had an irritated feeling that Joe may be behind this caution. Finally after x-rays and CAT scans that were completely unnecessary Elizabeth was released. Because Elizabeth was the subject agent she was sequestered, meaning that she was completely alone the entire time she was being cleared. This just allowed Elizabeth to replay the day a thousand times over.

Then came SIU. The agent in charge seemed to have hated Elizabeth. He put her through the ringer, firing questions so rapidly that Elizabeth's head was swimming.

" _You shot the subject based on the premise that you 'saw' his finger on the trigger. Why didn't any of your other team members see this?" The SIU agent harshly asked Elizabeth._

 _However, before Elizabeth had a chance to answer, another question was being shot her way. "Now isn't it true that you were biased against the subject from the beginning. Didn't you say, I quote "Yep, I just don't like it when there are kids. Kinda hits a nerve" when one of your team members asked about you mental stability?"_

 _This time there was enough time left for an actual answer._

" _No, it isn't true that I was biased against the subject. I answered a question asked by my teammate. This did not indicate my emotional stability and my teammate did not ask about mental faculty. If I recall, he asked "Are you okay?" To which I responded "Yep" or, in different terms, yes" Elizabeth said stoically without emotion. "My word choice leaves some to be desired, but yep is a derivative of yes, or otherwise known as an affirmative answer"_

 _Elizabeth was damned if she let this bastard get the best of her with underhanded tricks. If he wanted to play word games, go for it. She knew how to talk so far in circles that her opponent didn't even remember the original question._

" _Can you answer as to why no one else saw what you did in the subject?"_

 _This irritated Elizabeth. The agent had already asked that—if they had given her time to answer then they wouldn't have to ask again. However, she hid this irritation, and any emotion, behind a stern, stoic soldier mask._

" _I had a line of sight to the subject that my team members did not" Elizabeth answered._

" _A line of sight that others did not…" The agent let his sentence trail off. "Isn't it true that you were standing the second on Sergeant Parker?"_

" _Yes, sir"_

" _Now if that is true, why didn't Sergeant Parker see what you saw?"_

" _I do not recall Sergeant Parker saying that he did not see the subject attempt to fire. Ed Lane said that he did not see it, I don't remember the exact language, and I trust the auto-transcriber has the dictation. Ed Lane was standing perpendicular to me, giving us separate views of the subject. Now if you are asking about Sergeant Parker, I cannot answer for him, besides what is on the transcript. If you have more questions, I would suggest that you interview him". Elizabeth was starting to wonder about the intelligence of the SIU agent. He was asking questions that clearly were disproved by the transcript and furthermore were impossible for her to answer. She couldn't say what her Sergeant had thought—she wasn't a mind reader._

" _Be that as it may, you still showed a complete disregard for human life. Sergeant Parker was attempting negotiations and you fired without a Scorpio command" This accusation was brutally thrust on her. The Siu agent had stood up and was bracing himself on the table between them, staring at Elizabeth with contempt in his eyes._

" _No sir, there was no Scorpio call. You are correct in that matter. However the subject presented a clear and present danger to us and brandished his weapon with the intent to fire. The subject had also previous fired his weapon, making this an active shooter case, and therefore, not reliant on a Scorpio command"._

 _Didn't this man know anything? Elizabeth thought. She felt like she was teaching him about police protocol instead of him being the supposed expert. Clearly, the agent did not appreciate Elizabeth's answer as he grimaced and fired off "An intent to fire? Who else saw this intent? No one. It seems to me that you are grasping at straws to justify a shoot that never should have happened"_

 _Elizabeth wanted to cry at the stubbornness and sheer idiocy of this man._

" _The subject shot me. Clearly there was an intent, and follow through on firing his weapon. Otherwise, I would not have taken a bullet. Furthermore, as I explained before, only Constable Lane mentioned that he was surprised with my response time. If you would like the rest of the team's opinion, then you need to question them. Otherwise, you have all the relevant information from the transcript" Elizabeth said coolly. She wasn't sure how the man could dispute that. Elizabeth's chest was black and purple to prove her claim._

" _It seems he did indeed shot you. Question is, did he shoot you because you shot him?"_

 _Elizabeth stared at the SIU agent in open shock. She could not process the question. It literally made no sense to her._

" _I'm not sure I follow" Elizabeth eventually said, after silence had stretched between them._

" _You don't understand the question?" The question was so contemptuous that Elizabeth wanted to recoil. "You just took a human life and you cannot understand simple instructions?"_

" _No, sir, I do not understand. My confusion comes from the premise of the question. The question is illogical. When I shot the subject I hit him in the head. He died instantly. It is impossible for him to shot me after I shot him—he was dead". Elizabeth said slowly, still confused. "Therefore, the situation you laid out in the question is impossible, hence my confusion"._

" _So you did…" The SIU agent wasn't deterred by Elizabeth pointing out the obvious—that the subject had shot first. "Your actions are still under question here, Cadden. You seemed remarkably blasé about taking a human life. You were even joking with your teammates after they cleared you—something you absolutely should not have been doing"_

 _Elizabeth didn't know what to say. She had been adapting to the situation. She couldn't tell the SIU agent that this death haunted her much more than she let on. She couldn't say how it tore at her and awoke wounds that had long laid dormant. No, if she did that, she would be dismissed from the team. If she hid her pain, her reaction because inhuman, uncaring, sociopathic. Elizabeth took the middle road, the identity of a soldier._

" _As I'm sure you are aware, I came from Special Forces. I have learned how to compartmentalize. I have taken human lives before. Because of these experiences, I have a deep regard for human life. I apologize if my attitude has given birth to doubt about the sacristy of life. I merely have been trained to work through such experiences because survival depends on it. It is a difficult lesson to unlearn, one that I am still working on. However, it enables me to continue my job even after taking a life" Elizabeth said. She desperately wanted to point out that if this man had been in her situation the times she took lives for the military, he would understand. In fact his lack of understanding displayed his incompetence and inexperience rather than reflecting bad on Elizabeth._

 _The agent looked at her, stunned. Elizabeth briefly worried that she had stepped over the line. She quickly decided that she didn't care. This man was an idiot._

 _The agent then took to questioning Elizabeth about the subject's mental state and the tactical decisions that had been made. Elizabeth wanted to scream that none of that was her job or even remotely her call. For God's sake it was in the transcript. However, she refused to let the agent see that she was flustered._

 _Despite the blatant incompetence the SIU agent betrayed, he still managed to get under Elizabeth's skin. She began to wonder if she actually had seen the twitch or if she had wanted to see it._

By the end of it she was doubting her decision to fire wondering if she was cut out to be in the SRU. The man even had the audacity to tell her to have a good night afterwards. Finally, Elizabeth had gotten home only to entertain calls from both Ed and Sam checking up on her. She managed to pacify Sam, but Ed had been on his way over when he heard the tears in her voice. She was strong, but sometimes, crying was inevitable. She was just so damn tired.

 _Elizabeth heard pounding on the door. She was slouching on her couch, trying to summon the energy to move to her bed. Her legs felt like lead—too heavy to move. As the knocking continued, she briefly debated not answering the door but then, sighing she got up and stumbled over to peer through the eye hole. She saw one Ed Lane. With some hesitation, she unchained the door, released the deadbolt and opened the front door._

 _Ed was inside before she even realized he had moved. Then he was chaining the door and guiding her to sit down on the couch. His touches were feather light and exceedingly gentle, like he thought she might break. Elizabeth resented him for handling her like a china doll. She was an SRU agent, dammit. Elizabeth excused herself to grab two beers from the kitchen. To her surprise, Ed followed her instead of waiting in the living room like she intended him to. Once she had sat down on the couch, he took up residency in the arm chair across from it. After he sat, he took a good look at her, making her feel even more self-conscious. Elizabeth nervously took a long draw of her beer while Ed left his untouched._

 _She knew she looked like hell. Her hair was pulled back in a sloppy bun, still wet from her shower. She was dressed in running shorts and one of Joe's hoodies. That meant that it practically reached her knees, making it appear like she wasn't wearing any pants. Her eyes were puffy and bloodshot from the crying she had done in the safety of the shower._

" _Talk to me" Ed said, simply._

" _Nothing to really say. I'm pretty tired. Been a long day. SIU was a treat" Elizabeth answered. She did not want to be having this discussion right now. Or ever, really. "I can handle myself, Ed. Crying doesn't mean I'm falling apart"_

" _No, it doesn't, but, Elizabeth, you look like hell" Ed said bluntly "and I'm fairly sure that something else is going on right now. You're also drinking, which I remember saying isn't the best choice"_

" _And I remember telling you that this wasn't my first lethal" Elizabeth fired back, still musing over how her team leader had seen past her mask. She didn't think she had really done anything to give away the inner turmoil that was brewing. While she was contemplating, Ed spoke._

" _That may be the case, but my advice remains the same. Earlier you were on the com link when Spike asked if you were okay" Ed gently explained, "Why are kids so hard for you?"_

" _It was a long day. My stress reaction is to cry, not very macho, but I can't do a whole lot to change it. You don't look so hot yourself" Elizabeth easily deflected the real question._

" _That's not what I asked" Ed refused to be sidetracked._

" _I just don't like it when kids are involved" Elizabeth said resolutely, "No one should have their childhood taken away from them by force of fear. It's cruel. I just forced two children to watch an execution, I singlehandedly took that security away from them"_

 _Ed was silent for a long moment. He seemed to be thinking hard about what Elizabeth had said. She didn't think that her statement warranted such scrutiny. It seemed like a simple enough belief. One that she thought he would share. One she thought that anyone would share._

" _When did your childhood end?" He finally asked, looking Elizabeth dead in the eye as he did. There was sympathy in his eyes. His gaze held no room for denial._

 _That took Elizabeth's breathe away. The forwardness of his question was unexpected and definitely unappreciated. The sympathy was patronizing. She didn't need her team leader interrogating her so she could be put on psych leave and lose her coveted spot on team one. Elizabeth felt a hatred rise in her that she hadn't felt in years. Angry tears filled her eyes when she came to the conclusion that Ed was visiting, not out of concern, but out of duty and a desire to get her cut from the team. Betrayal stung deeply in the pit of her stomach. She thought that he had finally accepted her into the family. Apparently she thought wrong. It wasn't the questioning of her ability that truly bothered her. It was the underhanded ways that she perceived Ed doing it. If he outright questioned her, it wouldn't be as large of a blow as it is now. She trusted him, dammit._

" _Hey, hey, I didn't mean to bring up something that is too hard. We don't have to talk about it if you aren't ready" Ed was backtracking now after he saw the tears. "Let's just slow it down. Tell me what's going on"._

" _I'm fine, thank you. I'm simply tired" Elizabeth said crisply, running a hand under her eyes to rid them of the tears. She ignored the questions he asked and answered what she wanted to "I have been cleared by both SIU, and doctors to return to duty. I'm sure that boss has received the paperwork detailing those findings. If that is not satisfactory, I am willing to under more testing and evaluations to be found competent and able for duty. The hospital ran extensive test to that measure which I am more than willing to have redone. I am a professional, I do not need to be treated like I am unstable or unfit. I am capable of handling myself like an adult. If that is in question, I would hope that it would be brought to my attention in a professional setting" Her voice held a steel edge to it, her military career was shining though in stark contrast the softer SRU style._

 _Her response seemed to stun Ed, he rocked back slightly in his chair, his eyes wide. She understood the reaction. Many people didn't see her as a capable soldier, unable to shoulder a burden or bear pain. They assumed that she was soft. She had proved men wrong before. She would prove Ed wrong too. She wasn't weak. She would not crack._

" _Why do you think I'm here, Liz?"_

 _Elizabeth scoffed. Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer._

" _Because you are team leader. Because I'm a liability" was her curt response. Elizabeth was usually able to respond to attacks in a more professional manner. However, after her third degree interrogation with SIU, she couldn't find it in herself to maintain the stoic façade that she had cultivated in the military._

" _I'm sorry you feel that way, Lizzie. I'm here as your friend. I'm here because I'm worried about you, not because I think you can't do your job, but because I know how hard it is to take a life". Ed explained slowly. "I thought we had convinced you already, you are part of the team. That means that you have to put up with midnight visits when you answer the phone in tears. It means we have your back"._

 _Elizabeth wanted to believe Ed, she really did. But years of training told her that any show of weakness would be met with hostility and disappointment. She was a soldier and soldier didn't cry._

" _Thank you, sir. I appreciate it" Elizabeth replied. Her tone was polite, but distinctly impersonal. Her body posture was tense, as if she was ready to spring into action at a moment's notice._

" _Liz..." Ed trailed off and he rubbed his head. Elizabeth waited in silence. She had said her piece. There was no more sharing she wanted to do this evening. The ball was firmly in Ed's court now._

" _Well, if you're sure you're alright…I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow morning for debrief. I'll have my phone on me all night. I trust you know how to use yours" Ed finally supplied, defeated. "But I expect an explanation, and soon, for this conversation. Don't think I didn't notice the fact that you didn't directly answer any of my questions" His voice offered no room for negotiations._

" _Yes, sir" Elizabeth replied, rising from her seat, forcefully ending the evening. She barely managed to restrain the salute that usually followed such an utterance._

" _I expect a call if anything more happens. Copy?" Ed said, lingering in the doorway._

" _Yes, sir" Elizabeth muttered. Her soldier tendencies again overriding her SRU education._

" _And Elizabeth?" Elizabeth inwardly cursed, couldn't Ed take a hint? She had all but shoved him out the door by this point "I will be seeing you tomorrow, right?"_

 _Elizabeth nodded firmly and Ed appeared to finally relax._

Then the nightmares had started. First it was Shawn screaming at her. Soon Shawn had morphed into a different shouting man and the scared children were replaced by her parents. Bodies appeared and then there he was with the whip. In her dreams, Joe never came.

Needless to say, Elizabeth wasn't in a good mood today. Her teammates seemed to pick up on this. While she noticed some gazes lingering on the deep circles under her eyes, no one had bothered her besides saying they were glad she was okay.

After changing and taking a necessary fifteen minutes to compose herself, Elizabeth joined the rest of the team back in the workout area. Everyone had already started their workout and it seemed that no one noticed her entrance. This gave her some time to survey the room and pick a fitting work out. She was a bit annoyed with her choice in workout gear. Usually she went minimalistic. She didn't like to be hampered by clothing when she was working out. But the deep bruising on her chest was cause enough to cover up. She didn't want anyone staring at her or worse, pitying her. In fact, she didn't want any attention at all. She wanted to blend in with the wall—become invisible.

Elizabeth was grateful at the directive to work out. She could finally get back to that punching bag. Her arms felt like they were going to explode if she couldn't force some of the energy out. She ignored the burning feeling as her chest pulled with every movement of her arms. She had a magnificent bruise covering her upper torso from the bullet yesterday. Striding over to the punching bag, she sank back into her crouch and swung. From there she started raining a steady pace of blows on the bag. Every so often she threw a kick in there to change it up. The physical exertion was exhilarating. It wasn't enough to stop the memories though.

 _Smack_

Elizabeth saw blood splattered across a white wall.

 _Smack_

Elizabeth remembered her parent's teary eyes.

 _Smack_

She saw the gun raised. Saw the finger on the trigger as it pointed with deadly accuracy.

 _Smack_

She saw her mom mouth "I love you". Saw her dad close his eyes.

 _Smack_

She saw the blood. Felt the spray across her face. Tasted the drops on her lips.

 _Smack Smack Smack_

Breathing hard, Elizabeth startled feeling a hand clasp over her shoulder and spin her around. She punched at the object as she was turning. She was suddenly face to face with a concerned Spike, her fist caught in his hand. His eyes had darkened with worry, and were currently staring intently at her face, trying to read her. He dropped her hand and centered his hands on her shoulders. He seemed to be actively trying to keep her still.

"Take a breath, Elizabeth. Calm down"

This only served to infuriate Elizabeth more. Who the hell was he to tell her what to do? She would do whatever she damn well felt like. She reached up to either punch at him again, this time making her target his face or merely shove his hand off, she hadn't decided which one yet. She wanted to get back to working out. She could take care of herself. However, the movement of her hand stopped her.

Blood glistened, coating her fist and steadily dripping on the floor. Elizabeth's horrified gaze turned to the punching bag. Blood coated the leather, betraying her fury. The sight brought tears to her eyes. It was like she could see her pain. She realized that the blood she felt splattering across her face hadn't just been memory, she had managed to spread the blood almost everywhere. It was a mess.

Normally, Elizabeth would have been embarrassed at her lack of control. Mortified. But she couldn't find it in herself to care. Looking down again, Elizabeth stared at her ruby hands. She could see the blood, feel its sticky warmth. But she couldn't feel the pain. Why didn't it hurt? Why? Her heart felt like it was going to explode. Each breath was painful. Were her ribs broken?

"Hey!" her shoulders were being shook again. This time with more urgency.

"Hey! Elizabeth, stay with me. You're gonna be alright. Look at me okay? I need you to look at me"

Other sounds were going on in the background. She heard whispers and muttered curses. Footsteps were coming closer to her and then stopping. She could feel someone pressing fingers against her neck.

Finally ripping her gaze away from her injured hands, Elizabeth shoved the hands off her and looked up again. She saw that the entire team had gathered around her. They had formed a protective semi-circle around her, shielding her from any prying eyes. Spike was the owner of the hands that were sitting heavily on her shoulders, despite her attempt to move them. It was Sergeant's hand that had been pressed lightly to her neck. His hands were now held up in the universal sign for no harm.

Sam and Jules were looking at her with concern. Jules had tears in her eyes. Wordy had a fatherly expression on his face, one she had seen before on Joe's. Ed's face was tight. He looked thoroughly concerned. Greg's face also displayed concern, though his was less intense. His concern flowed deeper, less aggressive than Ed's. Why were they staring at her? What was going on?

Finally she met Spike's gaze. Spike looked scared but he was doing an admirable job hiding it. Elizabeth wondered what he was afraid of. She looked behind her, thinking that she couldn't be the focus here.

"No, no. Look at me. At me. Come on Lizzie Lou, stay with me here" the voice coached again. The pressure on her shoulders tightened, refocusing her.

" _Should I call EMS?"_

" _No, no, give me some time, I got her"_

" _What's going on? What happened?"_

" _I don't think she's here with us"_

" _Was it the call?"_

" _Get her shirt off, we need to see her chest. She was at the hospital for hours yesterday. Maybe there was something she didn't tell us"_

Hands ripped at her shirt, tearing it down the middle and off her. Elizabeth was too out of it to care. A feather light touch glided over the black and purple bruise centered over her heart.

" _Holy Shit"_

" _I don't think I see any broken ribs but there's just so much bruising. I'm afraid to press down in case I hurt her more"_

" _I think she's in shock. Can she be in shock this long afterwards?"_

Suddenly it felt like a bomb dropped. She realized that everyone was staring at her. She was the spectacle. She felt herself waver. Hands was upon her. Steadying her and lowering her to the ground.

"Take deep breaths. Just breathe Liz. There's no rush. Just breathe" Elizabeth realized that Spike was the comforting voice that was talking her through everything. His hands were rubbing soothing circles on her back. She found herself stuck—flashbacks were bombarding her. She couldn't made the screaming in her head stop.

She looked up helplessly into Spike's eyes. He was on his knees in front of her. Eyes locked on hers. She could find no condemnation in his eyes. Tears poured down her face, mixing with the blood. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what was real. If he was actually in front of her or if the bodies were.

Spike seemed to see this desperation.

"It's okay. You're okay"

But it wasn't going to be okay, she was alone. Her family was gone and it was her fault. Her fault. Her eyes saw the blood splatter across a white wall. Two bodies were slumped against it.

"Joe" Elizabeth gasped out. Why shouldn't she breathe? Why did her lungs feel so tight?

"Joe? You want Joe?" Sarge asked calmly, probing for an answer.

Elizabeth nodded, or at least tried to nod.

"He's…he's out. SAT phone in…my locker"

"Jules, go!" Footsteps were fading away in a rush.

" _I think it's a panic attack"_

" _I don't know…she took a hard hit yesterday, you saw her chest. Maybe the medics missed something"_

A bottle of water appeared at her lips. Elizabeth grasped it with her trembling hands, only to spill it down her front.

"I got it. Let me do the work" Spike was tipping the water bottle to her lips, rationing the water for her. Someone was bracing her from behind. Holding her weak body up so she didn't have to.

"It hurts" Elizabeth whimpered. She felt, rather than saw, Spike freeze. It was uncharacteristic of Elizabeth to complain of anything hurting. The only time she had ever said she was in pain was when she had a headache after Ed hit her. She had since taken more hits and falls and not once had opened her mouth to groan about.

"Where does it hurt? I need you to talk to me Lizzie. I can't help if I don't know where it hurts"

Elizabeth just groaned in response.

"Elizabeth, where? Tell me where! Is it your chest?" This time there was panic in Spike's voice.

" _Spike we're gonna have to go to the ER"_

" _Just give me a minute!"_

"Elizabeth, I have Joe here for you. He's pretty worried" Jules tones were never more inviting than right then. Elizabeth grasped at the phone, dropping it. She couldn't make her hands steady enough to hold it for herself.

Spike wordlessly grabbed the phone and pressed it gently to Elizabeth's ear.

"Joe?" She said, sounding for all the world like a lost little girl.

"Lizzie, baby, what's going on?" A wave of relief crashed over Elizabeth. Joe was here. He was here.

"There's so much blood, daddy"

"Why is there blood? Are you bleeding sweetheart?" Joe's probing question brought Elizabeth back again. She couldn't stop fading in and out.

"It's on me. It's on my hands"

"Oh Lizzie, that's not your blood, honey. It's not your blood"

"I'm scared" Elizabeth whispered.

"Lizzie tell me what you see. What are you looking at right now?"

"I see…I see blood"

"No, look. Tell me what is in front of you" Joe's voice was gentle but commanding, overriding the chokehold of fear impairing Elizabeth's brain.

Elizabeth tried again and looked. This time, instead of the blood splattered walls she saw her team. She saw Spike staring at her, holding the phone up to her ear. His eyes were huge with controlled panic. Ed was on his left, holding Elizabeth's wrist in his, measuring her heart rate. Sam was on the right, clutching the water Elizabeth had been drinking. His eyes were filled with kindness and understanding. Elizabeth felt a presence behind her and realize it was Sarge holding her up. Jules and Wordy were the only two standing. Both looked like they were awaiting instructions.

"I see Spike" Elizabeth finally said.

Spike smiled and nodded. 'That's right' he mouthed.

"Good. That's so good baby" Joe crooned "Now tell me who Spike is"

"He's my teammate" Elizabeth replied automatically.

"Tell me more"

"He blows stuff up" The childish reply earned a couple tense chuckles from the team around her. Spikes smile grew.

"Oh yeah?" Joe was laughing now too. His voice calmed and ordered "Now I need you to tell me if you're hurt Lizzie"

Elizabeth again, paused and took stock of the situation. Her lungs no longer felt so tight. She could breathe again. She felt familiar pain on her chest and recognized it from yesterday. Frowning though, she realized that there was, in fact, blood on her hands.

"I think my hands are bleeding…and I got shot" Elizabeth said, puzzled more than hurt. The last part was more of an afterthought than anything else.

"You got shot?" Joe's voice was tense and loud enough that the team could hear it.

Spike took a look at the confusion on Elizabeth's face and pulled the phone to his own ear.

"Sir, this is Spike with the SRU. I'm the one sitting in from of Liz. Yesterday, Elizabeth took a bullet in the vest during a call. She has some nasty bruising, but was deemed fit for duty by the medics" Spike heard the shaky exhalation of breath on the other line. Elizabeth was scaring everyone today.

Spike replaced the phone on Elizabeth's ear. She was so tired.

"Don't scare me like that again, Elizabeth" Joe warned, relief making him sharp.

Elizabeth had the grace to blush "Sorry".

"Okay, I need to go, honey. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm good. I love you"

"I love you so much Liz" Joe hung up the phone and Spike, hearing the goodbyes, gently set it down on the mat.

"You still with us, Lizzie?" Spike probed.

Elizabeth wearily nodded.

"I'm so sorry" She sighed, only now feeling humiliated and ashamed. Tears pooled in her eyes and flew down her cheeks. She hadn't lost it like that in years. "I'm so so sorry. I don't know what happened, I…I'm sorry" Elizabeth didn't know what to say to rectify the situation. But she had to say something.

"Nope. Nothing to be sorry for kiddo, we just gotta make sure you're okay" Ed's voice was uncompromising, demanding to be understood. "You wanna tell us what's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing. Just I didn't sleep and I must have been hit harder than I thought yesterday. I'm sorry" Elizabeth echoed again. "I underestimated how bad the lethal would be. I'm sorry"

Elizabeth knew she should explain further, give reason to her complete loss of control. However, for the moment she was content for the team to think it was a stress reaction to her first lethal yesterday.

"I uh, I need to clean off" Elizabeth sniffed.

"You okay to shower, or do you want me to just wash off the blood?" Spike questioned. Jules was steeping forward, clearly anticipating her aid to be called upon.

"Shower" Elizabeth answered shortly. Her tears had yet to stop and her embarrassment was only increasing. She thought briefly of cleaning her face quickly. However, it seemed that the tears would soon be replaced if she did, making her efforts useless.

"Okay, let's get you up. I want you to stay still here. Trust us, we are gonna be your support right now, let us do all the work. Your priority is to stay with us" Ed cautioned.

Once again, Elizabeth found Ed grasping one armpit and Sam the other. Sarge was holding onto her pants and Spike had his hands ready to catch in front of her. Slowly the men stood, bringing Elizabeth up and off the mat. As they stood, the torn remains of Elizabeth's shirt fell from her shoulders and to the floor. Elizabeth didn't think anything of it. She was wearing a sports bra—all the essentials were still covered. It was one of her cuter ones too. However, this changed when she heard a muted gasp from Sam.

"Elizabeth what—"Sam began in a strangled tone.

Before Elizabeth could question what the problem was, Greg had abruptly cut Sam off. "Not now, Sam"

Elizabeth was too tired to care what was going on now. She decided to drop it, and on the off chance that she actually remembered to discuss it with Sam, could do so at a later date.

With that, the men gently guided Elizabeth to the women's locker room. Jules accompanied and Elizabeth thought for a second that she was going to actually get in the shower with her. Elizabeth asked this and by the grace of God Sarge told Elizabeth that they would be waiting for her and if she needed any help, just call. The message couldn't help but sound like a warning, instead of comforting.

Finally alone in the shower, Elizabeth stood under the hot spray and watched the blood drop off her fingers and paint the white tiles crimson.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint

Chapter 9

 **Ed POV**

"What was that?" Sam asked as the team took up various positions surrounding the woman's locker room. Elizabeth was in the shower and they were waiting, well more like guarding, outside the locker room for her to finish. They wanted to give Elizabeth privacy, but were too protective to stray far "When I called her last night, she sounded a little off but I just thought it was from the lethal. Maybe SIU said something? She was cleared…but they are rough the first time. She looked like hell this morning, but not bad enough to crack like that. And did you see those scars on her back? What the fuck were those?"

"I think she got hit harder than we thought on the call. Did you see that bruise? I can't believe any medic cleared her to work. Maybe she hit her head when she fell" Wordy mused, trying to piece together the incident to form a coherent answer. "We need to take her to the hospital. She needs to be checked out. Someone should to stay with her tonight, I don't want her to be alone. I can call Shel and ask her to make up the guest room. I'm not sure how receptive she will be though. It looks like she's been on her own for a while"

"I'll stay with her" Spike volunteered. He was dangerously pale, and looked like he wanted to cry. "But you're right, we should swing by the hospital first. I don't like the look of her chest. Somethings gotta be broken or at least cracked there…no one was with her yesterday at the hospital so she may not be telling the truth about the results".

"You're right, Spike. I don't think she was cleared. I went by her place last night. When I called to check in, she answered in tears. She got extremely defensive about her ability to be a part of this team" Ed supplied. He was now regretting his decision last night to let the subject drop. He should have pushed harder for an explanation. "She never said anything about something else going on. But then again, I think she would have decked me if I stayed any longer".

The team grew silent, each silently musing about what could have been the problem. They were all in various states of concern for their teammate. Despite only working with them for six weeks, Elizabeth had wormed her way into their hearts. Spike was running his hands through his hair in frustration, pulling on the short strands. Wordy looked like he was barely controlling the impulse to hit something. Jules was silent, her face contemplative. Ed wondered what she knew. She must know something.

Finally Jules spoke up "Joe mentioned something before I handed the phone to Elizabeth. He told me her old name…to be honest, I'm not sure what that will do" Jules hadn't even been sure if she should mention it. She felt like the man had been trying to communicate something serious with her but didn't want to outright say it. She wondered what could be so serious that his daughter collapsing wouldn't warrant coming forth with vital information.

Spike's head shot up upon hearing that news. He now felt like he would be able to do something to help. "Give it to me" He demanded. His mind was buzzing through the possibilities that would cause someone to change their name. His fingers were already itching to access a computer and find the mysteries hidden in Elizabeth's eyes.

Jules cleared her throat. She felt bad about betraying Elizabeth's trust like this. Surely there was a reason she had changed her name, one she wasn't comfortable with sharing. However, concern for her teammate's wellbeing over road her concern for privacy.

"It's Abby Kingman"

"What?" Ed spat sharply, his eyes steeling into Jules' face. "Did you say Kingman?" He prayed that he had heard wrong. There was no way that Elizabeth was Abby Kingman.

"Yeah... what's going on? Do you know her or something?" Jules said slowly, clearly startled by her team leader's reaction. She hadn't recognized the name when it came up. She assumed it was significant, but clearly she underestimated how significant.

"Come on. Think, guys. Abby Kingman. I know that you guys know this case. It made news here even though the case took place in the U.S. Abby was the American child whose parents were executed in front of her and was then taken hostage for five days. American police forces couldn't find her. She was rescued by _Canadian_ Special Forces expert, _Joe Cadden._ And, if I'm not mistaken, the anniversary is close to today"

Ed's head was whirling with the information that he now had. Pieces were falling together, random quirks finally making sense. He understood why Joe was so significant, why a ten minute phone conversation cut through Elizabeth's panic that the team had been fighting for an hour. It was like he saw Elizabeth for the first time. He both understood and resented his lack of knowledge about this incredibly important detail of his team member. Elizabeth had more than proved herself, however this sort of trigger was vital that he know, especially as team leader. He never would have had her in the room if he had known that children would set her off like that. Hell, if he was right about the date, he wouldn't have even let her come to work today.

He also realized that when he had questioned her last night about her childhood, he was dragging up memories of her parents' horrific deaths. He cursed himself for inadvertently hurting her like that. He had an answer to his question now. Her childhood had ended when someone killed her parents and she had been forced to watch. Just like the two children from yesterday had been forced to watch Elizabeth kill Shawn. Elizabeth was reliving her parents' deaths. Except this time, she was the murderer. This couldn't be more of a colossal mess. Anger simmered when he realized that Sarge would have known about this. During the team meeting where they decided to pick Elizabeth, Sarge had said he knew the details. Why, why, why would he keep this from his team leader? This was the kind of information that got someone killed.

Ed couldn't demand the answers because Greg had been called away on an emergency call. Something about team 2, two guns, and negotiations involving a high profile celebrity. He tried to beg off, to tend to Elizabeth, but the call had come directly from the commander. Greg left after extracting a promise that Ed would handle the situation and promising himself that he would be both calling and stopping by when the situation was resolved. Ed had some choice words for him when he finally showed back up.

"Oh god" Sam choked. "Oh my god. Fuck" Sam had a distinct greenish parlor to him. He looked like he had seen a ghost. Sure enough, he barely managed to grab a nearby garage bin right before he heaved the contents of his stomach into it. Sam losing his lunch was rare. His time in Special Forces had lead the man to develop an iron stomach to the gore of the job.

"What?" Ed demanded. What was going on now? "Sam talk to me".

"Her back…those scars. That's what it's from. Oh Jesus fucking Christ!" Same exploded, hitting a wall. "Goddammit!" Sam swore. Wordy had caught on now and was trembling from rage. His face was bright red and his fists were white from the strength of the grip he was suppressing. He gently caught Sam's arms before he could hit the wall again, rescuing Sam's bruised knuckles. Jules' lost her battle with tears and now was silently standing there, mourning the pain of her teammate. They had all seen the horrific crisscross of scars on Elizabeth's back. The ones that didn't seem to faze Greg.

Ed was disgusted. There must have been close to thirty scars across Elizabeth's back. For each and every one of those to be carved into her skin…Ed couldn't even think of the pain. He found himself close to tears. Spike wasn't fairing much better. He had sunk to the ground and held his head in this hands. His breath was suspiciously coming in spurts, like he too had been reduced to tears.

"He used a whip"

If the situation wasn't so serious, it would have been comical to see five fully trained SRU agents jumping out of their skin. Hands had instinctually flown to side arms. Elizabeth had managed to appear from the locker room without anyone noticing. They had all be too caught up in their thoughts. She looked like death. Her eyes were red and swollen, haunted with ghost of her past. Her hands held a slight tremble despite being held together. Her pallor was a sickening shade of white and she held the look of a terrified child, ashamed for existing. Her bag was swung over one of her shoulders and Ed could see that it bothered her bruised chest.

"I didn't know they still made them…but it was a long leather whip with these metal balls at the end" Elizabeth's voice was quiet, full of self-loathing. She seemed to be defeated. "If he flicked it just right the balls would all strike in different places full force". He face contorted at the memory.

"Elizabeth…" Ed whispered. He had never been at a loss of words like he was now. He cursed Greg for not being here. Greg would be the one to know what to say, he would be the calm one to handle the situation. Ed desperately wanted to comfort his teammate but he was terrified, yes, terrified, of saying the wrong thing. He didn't know what to do. He was at the edge of a cliff here and he was dangerously close to stepping off.

He hated seeing Elizabeth as a subject, but right now that's all he could do. That's all he knew how to do. He had to be the negotiator here. Elizabeth intervened before he could say anything more.

"I, uh, think it would be best if I went home for the day" She said, her eyes on the ground and cheeks flaming. "I'm not feeling the best".

Ed could've laughed. Not feeling the best my ass. Elizabeth was master of the understatement. More like 'I just fell apart and everyone watched'. He hid his reaction and said "I agree, but someone is going to go with you, and you are going to the hospital again"

Elizabeth looked up, her face was strangely neutral, the way it got when Ed suspected something was bothering her. It was a mask he had seen on Sam's face before, too. "I don't need to go to the hospital" she said.

"Yes you do" Wordy interjected. "You have no idea, Elizabeth. Just, please, do it for us" Wordy's plea was so heartfelt that Ed made a mental note to check in with him soon. Something about Elizabeth's past must have struck a chord.

Elizabeth cast her eyes around the team. Ed watched her take in Sam, hunched slightly, the sullied trashcan still at his feet. Jules, with tears streaming down her face, glued to Sam's side, both comforting and taking comfort. Wordy, standing on Sam's other side and holding one of his arms. And finally, Spike, still on the ground, but staring at her like he had never seen her before.

Ed could see when the fight went out of her. For some reason, the fact that she still fought them was troubling to him. It made sense why she kept them so far away, but he wished she didn't.

"Okay, I'll go. But I can go by myself. No one needs to be my babysitter" She uttered quietly, staring at her feet.

"I'm coming with you, whether you like it or not" Spike said, jumping up from his position on the floor. "You absolutely aren't going to be alone" He cautious stepped towards her and grabbed her bag from her shoulder. "I'm going to grab my things then we will take my car to the hospital, don't you dare even think about leaving". With that Spike jogged to the men's locker room to grab his possessions.

Elizabeth seemed to know better than to fight Spike. Ed made another mental note to check on Spike later. He too, seemed particularly absorbed in this. Yet another thing to discuss with Greg. Greg was going to be hearing a lot form Ed soon.

An awkward silence fell among the remaining team members. No one seemed to know what exactly to say. Ed wasn't sure if he should acknowledge their newfound insight or if he should ignore it for now. Finally, Jules broke the silence by walking over to Elizabeth and hugging her tightly. Ed could see Jules whispering something in Elizabeth's ear, but couldn't hear what. The haunted look in Elizabeth's eyes lessened and she stopped looking like a kicked puppy. Ed didn't know what Jules said, but he could've kissed her for it.

Sam then stepped forward and embraced Elizabeth. He seemed to be trying to say a million different things in the hug. Sam wasn't one for words. Wordy hung back. This was strange for him. Ed knew that Wordy usually liked to be the comforter. He naturally fell into that role frequently, his fatherly instincts kicking in. He had been the one to cradle Jules when Lou had died. He had also been the one to bring Spike back from the edge. For him to stay away, whatever was bothering him must be big. Ed decided that talk definitely needed to be sooner rather than later.

Sam had finally released Elizabeth and Ed now took it as his cue to step forward.

"Let the doctors check you out" He ordered in his most severe tone. Seeing her nod, he continued, softening his voice "Everyone has bad days, no one is judging you. We just need to know you're okay. Spike's going to stay with you today and I'm going to be stopping by tonight—no exceptions. Then I need to know what's going on. The team has to know, Elizabeth".

Elizabeth looked up at him with tears in her eyes.

"Am I getting kicked off the team?" She asked in a tiny voice. Ed felt his heart break. He would have to talk with Sarge later. They clearly hadn't been welcoming enough if she thought she was going to get kicked off the team for something she can't control. They are a family. She had already proved herself as more than capable of handling herself physically and emotionally. No one was perfect, that's why they had teammates. To catch the other's flaws.

"No. No, Elizabeth, no. We're going to help you" Ed vowed to her. "You're not going anywhere".

Elizabeth then shocked him by wrapping her arms around his waist and hugging him tightly. He could feel her warm tears soaking into his shirt, but he didn't care. He simply returned the gesture and held her close. He hugged her just a bit tighter and repeated "You're not going anywhere".

"Do I get a hug for carrying your bag?" Spike interrupted, smiling. He had come back, holding both his and Elizabeth's bags. His face was calmer, clearly he had taken a little extra time to calm down when fetching his stuff.

"For you, always" Elizabeth said, her smile genuine. Spike visibly brightening and cautiously gathered Elizabeth into a bear hug. Spike, like Jules, was whispering something in Elizabeth's ear.

Ed relaxed, everything was going to be alright. They would help Elizabeth and heal together. That's what families did. They were going to be okay.

He watched as Elizabeth walked away with Spike. They were talking, teasing each other. Sighing, he pulled out his cell and dialed a familiar number.

" _Yeah, Eddie, how's it going there?"_

"We're good. Spike is taking Elizabeth home for the night. Listen we gotta talk"

" _I know, I know. Did anything else go on?"_

"Any idea why Wordy would be taking this hard? He barely even looked at Elizabeth and wouldn't talk to her when she calmed down. It's not like him. He wasn't just upset, something was personal"

" _I'll talk to him later, I have an idea but I'm not sure. You know how he struggle with abuse cases"_

"Yeah, you're right boss. You sure you want to talk to him? I can do it"

" _Nah, I think he'll take it better from me. How are Sam and Jules?"_

"Sam's stoic and Jules was crying. Sam looks like he did when he first joined. I gotta feeling that they are going home together tonight"

" _I know. Let them comfort each other. This is hard enough without us butting in and telling them they can't be there for each other. I don't care what Dr. Luria says."_

"Greg…"

" _How you doing, Eddie?"_

"I…wow. I can't believe...I don't want to believe that it was her. That case was horrific"

" _Me neither, Eddie. The report didn't list all of this in the case file. Or at least, the report that Joe gave me didn't. It must not have been the official papers. All I knew was that her parents had been killed and she had seen it"_

Ed felt a wave of relief combined with frustration. He was glad that Greg hadn't been keeping things from him. On the other hand, what in the hell had Elizabeth's father been thinking? Giving Greg incomplete files was almost worse than not giving them at all. Greg thought he had the full story when, in reality, he didn't.

" _Well, so much for Joe helping out there"_

"I know Listen, I'm gonna stop by tonight, you coming?"

" _Yeah, I'll be there. Take care Eddie"_


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Flashpoint.

Chapter 10

Elizabeth closed her weary eyes and let her head fall back on the headrest. Normally, she would have fought tooth and nail before being carted to the hospital like a child. Today she just couldn't muster the energy to care. So much was going on that going to the hospital seemed to be the least of her issues. She was so overwhelmed that she couldn't think straight, let alone formulate the energy needed to fight of an overprotective SRU agent.

She mulled over the words that Spike had whispered to her just a few minutes before.

 _You're not alone. We love you, Lizzie. We are your family now, let go._

It was a simple sentiment but one that was incredibly powerful to Elizabeth. She wasn't sure that Spike could keep that promise, that the team truly was family. The team didn't know yet. They didn't know that she was a murderer. Somehow, she felt that the sentiment would change when the truth came out.

"Hey, hey, hey, don't close those eyes. What's going on? You with me Liz?" Spike said anxiously as he looked over at her. His arm had flown over to her and was shaking her shoulder. Elizabeth was starting to get very tired of people manhandling her.

Elizabeth peeled her eyes open and turned her head to look at Spike "I'm here, Spike. I just would really like to go to sleep for a while. You don't need to worry about me".

Elizabeth thought this would ease Spike's worries. Here she was talking and responding positively. However, Spike seemed to grow even tenser.

"You want to sleep, Lizzie?" Spike asked cautiously. His glances were a little longer.

"…yeah? A nice long nap would be fabulous right now"

"How long?" Spike's reply seemed to be nonchalant, but Elizabeth could read the tension and the anxiety in his body. Understanding flooded her and she realized what had set him off.

"I want to sleep for a few hours, preferably in my bed and not on a hospital gurney. But tonight, I fully instead on letting you buy me some pizza and ice cream and watching a movie" Elizabeth carefully joked, letting Spike know exactly where she was mentally and also giving him the words he needed to calm down.

"Oh, I'll pay? And I'm not watching any girly stuff. I'm a tough SRU officer" Spike laughed. His voice was filled with part humor but also a strong undercurrent of relief. Elizabeth reached over and squeezes Spike's arm reassuringly.

"Too bad mister, I fully intend on watching the Notebook" Elizabeth smirked. She may as well milk the situation for what it's worth since she's stuck in it. For some reason, she had a feeling that while Spike may protest, he wouldn't really mind watching what she wanted. In fact, Elizabeth could probably ask for the moon today and she knew the team would do anything to meet it.

Spike merely groaned theatrically, clearly playing it up for Elizabeth's sake. Just then they pulled into the hospital parking lot. Elizabeth closed her eyes again and groaned. She really didn't want to be here right now.

"Pleaseee Spike. Please don't make me do this. I was here for hours yesterday. All by myself too" Elizabeth pulled out her puppy dog eyes that always made Joe cave to her very whim. However, Spike was no Joe. He didn't even blink.

"Nice try, Lizzie Lou. Those beauties may work on a lesser man but I can see right through you. Plus Ed will kill me if I don't make you go inside"

With that, Spike got out and jogged around the car to reach Elizabeth's door. Opening it, he offered her his arm to grip. With the other hand going to her waist.

"Spike! I'm not some damsel in distress. Knock it off!" Elizabeth was starting to get annoyed. She thought Spike was being cute at first, but now it just irritated her. So she had a bad moment, that didn't suddenly make her the usual SRU victims. She was an officer, dammit.

Spike leveled a look at Elizabeth. The mirth that previously was held on his face had faded to reveal the man's true emotions. Doubt, anxiety, and pain were all swirling together in Spike's eyes. Spike was scared for her. "Elizabeth, forty minutes ago you didn't know where you were and you couldn't even hold yourself up. You were seeing things. Cut me some slack here, I'm worried"

Elizabeth bobbed her head obediently and took the proffered arm. Together, they walked into the ER. Elizabeth may have been leaning on Spike. Spike may have slipped his arm around her waist to give her more support.

"Ugh, that took forever!" Elizabeth complained as she climbed back into Spike's car.

The duo had only just left the hospital. Even though they had made their way there mid-morning, it was now dusk. A 10 car pile-up had quickly placed Elizabeth on the bottom of the list to be seen. Then the tests. It seemed that each test took longer than the previous one. Spike quietly insisted that Elizabeth be forced to endure every test under the sun. When even the nurses protested, Spike simply pulled out his SRU ID and asked if that was evidence enough. The ID combined with Spike in his uniform convinced the hospital staff to go along with the testing.

" _Just sit still, Lizzie!" Spike said, partly annoyed, mostly amused. Elizabeth stopped pacing and glared at Spike._

" _I can't! I told you, I hate hospitals!" Elizabeth's reply was filled with venom. It was meant to make Spike back off…instead it just made him frown in concern. "Besides there is no reason for me to be here"_

" _Nothing bad is going to happen here—at most we waste a few hours. What's the problem?" Spike was examining Elizabeth's face closely. She wished he would stop._

" _This is a waste of time and money, okay?" Elizabeth huffed out as she folded herself into a chair next to Spike. She had to force herself to not jiggle her foot or fidget uncomfortably. "I was literally here yesterday"_

" _Yesterday you weren't lying on the workout floor bleeding and unresponsive" Spike said sharply. He exhaled slowly and tried again, "Just please, do it, Elizabeth. You may not think this morning was a big deal, but it was terrifying for us. You have no idea"_

 _Elizabeth had been startled when Spike snapped at her. She hadn't heard that tone since Spike had cornered her outside the locker rooms weeks ago. She was only beginning to realize how much the team cared for her. She adored them, she wasn't aware that the emotions went both ways._

 _Elizabeth quieted and cautiously leaned her head on Spike's shoulder. She felt the tension release from Spike as her head met flesh. She forced herself to relax. Spike started to prattle on about babycakes and Elizabeth listened with a slight smile. All the while Spike's hand brushed through Elizabeth's hair while Elizabeth rested against him._

Elizabeth hated every minute of it. She hated being poked and prodded like some zoo animal. Even more though, she hated hospitals. She had spent weeks there after the…incident. As a result, she hated being there.

"I gotta say, I am surprised they cleared you. I really thought you were lying when you said you bruise vividly" Spike said, ignoring Elizabeth's petulant tone.

That was one small victory of the day—the hospital confirmed that Elizabeth hadn't been lying about being cleared for duty. She was medically sound. No broken ribs, no fractures, no concussions, nothing. She was in perfect conditions, aside from the bruising. But it was just that, bruising.

"I told you" Elizabeth huffed. She was so irritated from all the time that was wasted that she couldn't even bask in the victory. Spike had prodded her every times her eyes closed in the waiting room, refusing to let her sleep even for a minute. Then the nurses wouldn't let her sleep either before they checked her head out. She closed her eyes again and leaned her head back. If she thought she was tired before, it was nothing compared to now.

Elizabeth jolted awake when she felt herself moving. It took her less than a second to realize that she was no longer in the car, but in someone's arms. It took her another second to realize that those arms belonged to Spike.

"It's okay, Elizabeth. It's just me. You were sleeping and I didn't want to wake you up" Spike said. He had stopped moving but was still cradling Elizabeth to his chest. His breathe blew warm on Elizabeth's forehead as he looked down at her. His brown eyes were piercing.

"Oookay. You can put me down now" Elizabeth said. His arms were comforting but she would never live it down if she let him carry her into her apartment. The boys would eat her alive if they heard about this. Speaking of apartment, Elizabeth looked around. She hadn't told Spike where she lived…how did he know? It seemed that Spike was either very observant, or Elizabeth was extremely readable because he know her every thought. It was probably a mixture of both.

"Ed called earlier while you were sleeping. He gave me your address" Spike said nonchalantly as they moved slowly towards the front door. "He's bringing pizza and the desired movie"

Elizabeth just laughed. "There is no way that Ed is coming over to watch The Notebook. Nice try Spike, it's not gonna work. Also, I remember saying ice cream was a must"

Spike's only reaction was to shrug. The shrug quickly turned into a lunge as he caught Elizabeth. She had tripped over a step she had stepped over hundreds of times. She must have been more tired than she realized. Once again, she found herself in Spike's arms as he held her up.

Looking up she breathlessly said "Thanks".

Spike swallowed and nodded. Elizabeth was surprised he didn't take the opportunity to tease her for her clumsiness. They walked forward again and this time, when Spike wrapped his arm around her waist, she didn't protest.

By this time they had reached Elizabeth's front door. Elizabeth fumbled in her bag and found her key chain. She unlocked the door and slipped into the apartment, Spike following close behind her. She was too tired to properly put her things away so she just dropped them by the door, motioning for Spike to do the same with his things.

"I'm going to change into something more comfortable, you're welcome to take a look around. The living room is right there and through that doorway is the kitchen. I'll be back in a minute" Elizabeth threw over her shoulder as she walked down the hallway to her bedroom. Entering the room, she shut the door and closed her eyes again. Exhaling, she took stock. She was fine. She was at home, with Spike. They were both fine.

Once Elizabeth felt a meager amount of control over herself she quickly went about changing her clothing. She desired comfort above all so she pulled on shorts and Joe's hoodie once again. That task completed, she washed her face in the bathroom and left the bedroom.

Elizabeth stopped by the kitchen on the way to the living room where she assumed Spike had gotten to. She grabbed an icepack and two beers. Elizabeth found Spike in the living room looking at a picture of Elizabeth and her parents. She set the beers down on the table and plopped herself on the couch. She stuck the icepack on her chest and the cold instantly soothed the aching.

Spike turned around when Elizabeth entered. His eyes widened slightly. He had never seen her in such casual clothing.

"Those are my parents" Elizabeth murmured. "That was taken about three weeks before they died. We went to a fall festival downtown. I had begged them for weeks and weeks to go because fall was my favorite season. They finally said yes and it was a blast"

Spike nodded, his eyes glued on Elizabeth.

"I brought you a beer, although, you don't have to drink it if you don't want to" Elizabeth continued, motioning to the sweating beverages on the coffee table. "Feel free to sit down or whatever. I assume that I won't be able to convince you to leave and to be honest, I'm still exhausted so I'm not going to try. You can have Joe's room for the night, the sheets are clean."

At that, Spike chuckled. "You hit the nail on the head right there. There is no way that I'm leaving tonight. You're stuck with me. Ed said he would be here in 15 so don't get too tired on me. We have pizza to consume and a movie to watch"

Elizabeth leveled a look at the man. "Are you serious about Ed?"

"Of course I am"

Elizabeth thought it over for a second. She didn't see any of the immediate telltale signs that Spike was lying. Usually he had a tiny smirk that would pull on the corners of his mouth when he lied. He also tended to have a playful glint that was missing now. Sure, he seemed amused, but it appeared to be more directed at Elizabeth's denial than the actual statement. Underneath the amusement was still a deep sadness that bothered Elizabeth.

"Shit. You were telling the truth" Elizabeth swore. Her face transformed from sheer exhaustion to include apprehension. She really didn't want to see her team leader right now.

Spike pretended to look offended at Elizabeth's remark "I could never lie to you Lizzie Lou"

Elizabeth scoffed "Oh yeah, how many times have I heard 'it wasn't me!' from you? I know damn well that you're the one who messed with my gun and my diet coke!"

Spike appeared to be trying to school his expression into a calm face. However, he completely failed and lost it, laughing hysterically. "You should have seen your face. It was the funniest thing—even funnier than when we got Donna with the cream cheese"

As Spike continued laughing, the doorbell rang. Elizabeth ignored the guffawing officer in her living room and got up to answer the door. She hoped it was just a random person, and not her team leader. However, her hopes were dashed when she looked through the peephole and Ed came into view. When she opened the door she saw that, sure enough, Ed carried a couple pizza boxes and a movie in his arms.

"Liz, how you doing?" Ed asked with a smile as Elizabeth backed up to allow him entry.

"I'm good. I wish you men would stop fussing. I'm in tip top shape" Elizabeth replied as they walked into the living room. Rather, Ed walked and Elizabeth stumbled her way through. Entering it, Elizabeth saw that Spike had finally composed himself and had taken a seat on the vacated sofa. Ed set the pizzas down on the coffee table and sank into one of the easy chairs, leaving Elizabeth to sit next to Spike. Elizabeth had a feeling that she was going to be doing a whole lot more talking before she went to bed that evening. She was just so tired right now. However, upon the sight of pizza her stomach seemed to have awoken. It reminded Elizabeth that she hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday.

Another knock sounded on the door. Elizabeth frowned. Who could be here now? Spike rose to answer the door and Elizabeth decided she didn't care who was here. Hell, the whole damn team could show up and show wouldn't care. She picked up the ice pack and replaced it on her chest while also grabbing the throw blanket from behind her and covering up her legs. She then reached for one of the pizza boxes and pulled out a couple of slices for herself.

Spike and Sarge walked back into the living room. Elizabeth swore internally. She hated this. Why couldn't these people just leave her alone?

"How's it going, Elizabeth?" Sarge asked in a kind tone. Elizabeth recognized that tone. It was his negotiation tone. The tone he used when someone was standing on the edge or holding a gun. It was a tone reserved for unstable people. Luckily, her mouth was full of pizza so she couldn't say the things she wanted to, all of which involved four letter words. She settled for a noncommittal shrug as she swallowed her pizza.

"Couldn't wait for us, huh?" Spike laughed as he too grabbed some of the food.

Elizabeth just took another bite while Ed and Sarge laughed. The conversation quickly turned to work and the boys were absorbed in dissecting a new testing method for SRU agents. Elizabeth half listened as she ate. She didn't feel like contributing and none of the men pushed her to.

Soon enough, the pizza boxes were lying empty on Elizabeth's table. Elizabeth had curled up on the sofa and was planning on falling asleep so then everyone had to leave. Her legs were stretched out on Spike's lap. He was absently running his hands up and down her ankles, thumbs tracing soothing circles. Before this plan could come to fruition though, Sarge cleared his throat.

"So, Elizabeth, I think we have some stuff to talk about" The stupid tone was back.

Elizabeth steeled herself. She wasn't going to cry, no matter what. "Uh, yeah, I guess we do. Where do you want to start?"

This seemed to surprise the Sarge, clearly he had been expecting to wheedle and cajole the truth out of her.

"Are you okay with everyone here?"

"Why not? I think Spike has plans on permanently moving in and I think Ed would die from jealously if I picked Spike over him" Elizabeth tried to joke.

"It's not like that, Elizabeth. You choose who you want. No one here is going to be upset if you ask them to leave" Ed said seriously. "I won't think anything of it if you ask me to leave and Spike to stay".

"No, no. I know. I just really don't want to have this conversation" Elizabeth explained, twinning her fingers together in her lap. She pulled her legs out of Spike's lap and folded them under her, straightening her body. The lax position she held before just didn't feel right considering the tense topic she was about to embark on. "With anyone". .

"What are you afraid of, Liz?" Greg gently asked. His tone held so much care and warmth that tears flooded her eyes. Here she was, one minute into the conversation and she was already crying. She looked around for the tissue box that usually resided on the table. Before she found it, a hand held the desired Kleenex towards her. Elizabeth gratefully took it and gave a watery smile to Spike, the owner of the hand.

"I'm sorry, I swore that I wouldn't cry" Elizabeth mumbled into the tissue.

"It's okay to cry. No one thinks less of you" Greg reassured Elizabeth as she blotted away the tears. "I feel like crying too"

Elizabeth cleared her throat "I'm not really sure where to begin here…" she admitted. She had never actually told anyone the story before. Joe knew because Joe had been there. He didn't need explaining to understand. Sure, she had talked about it in therapy, but nothing extensive. She wasn't really into talking to strangers about problems.

"Let's start with what you saw today. You said there was blood everywhere" Sarge leaned forward and clasped his hands together, "this isn't a test, we are just talking here".

Elizabeth took her time thinking it through. She wasn't sure how to phrase the words building on her tongue. There was so much that she had never said, words that lived hidden in her soul. Elizabeth pursed her lips, she was afraid that if she opened them then she wouldn't be able to stop the flood.

The men sat in silence, allowing Elizabeth to take the time she needed to find some control.

After five minutes, Elizabeth deeply inhaled. She looked up and opened her mouth to begin.

"I was in high school. I was walking home from the bus stop. When I got home I thought something was off…my dad's car was home and I was confused. You see, my dad never came home early without telling me," Elizabeth stopped and took a breath. She had rambled all that out in one puff of air.

As she refilled her lungs, Greg spoke "Slow down, Elizabeth. Just slow it down. There's no pressure here. It's just us. Take all the time you need"

Spike and Ed nodded in agreement with Sarge's words. Spike leaned over to Elizabeth and placed a gentle hand on her arm, providing silent strength.

Elizabeth began again, "Anyway, I dismissed what I was feeling. I just thought it was a surprise and I started to get excited. We were supposed to go to the beach that weekend. I thought that my dad had gotten off of work early so we could leave that night instead of the next day. I let myself get too excited.

"I walked inside the house and I called out to my parents. No one responded. Now I was starting to get a little worried. I looked all around downstairs for them before I went upstairs. I had been making a ton of noise because I didn't…I didn't know that I needed to be quiet. It wasn't until too late that I realized my mistake."

More tears were sliding down Elizabeth's face. She felt numb.

"They were upstairs in my room. The walls were white. So white. We were supposed to paint them months ago but things kept coming up. I had paint samples taped to one of the walls. I yelled at my mom the night before because I hated the white…but that's not important."

Elizabeth composed herself for a couple seconds before refocusing.

"My parents were kneeling. They were…they were gagged but they looked so scared. I…I didn't think. I should have taken a minute, looked…but I didn't."

Elizabeth stopped and silently cried for a minute. She felt a tremendous wave of shame rush through her. She didn't want to say that it was her fault. She didn't want to admit that she was the reason that her parents were dead. But she couldn't stop the words. There was too much that she had left unsaid for too long. She had taken the lid off and now she couldn't seem to shove everything back in.

Sarge and Ed were gazing at Elizabeth with twin looks of sympathy and comfort. Spike was staring at his knuckles. They were white from being squeezed together so tightly.

"A man grabbed me as soon as I tried to rush over to my mom. I should have seen him. If I had just taken a minute I would have seen him. He laughed and said…he said he…they had been waiting for…for me. Another man appeared and he had a, a gun. I blinked and then he shot my…my mom and d-dad"

Elizabeth was overcome with sobs at this point. Her shoulders trembled with the force of the cries that escaped her chest. Spike abandoned any measure of composure and went to hug Elizabeth. Ed stopped the man with a firm hand on his arm and a shake of the head.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to continue, "The walls were red. So red. There was so much blood. They took me then. I don't know where we went, I don't know how long they had me. The-the man, the main one, he l-liked me. Said no one could…t-touch me but him" Elizabeth stopped to compose herself again. She felt a meager sense of relief. She had finally admitted her failure to someone. The worst of the story was over.

She missed the looks that were traded above her head. Sarge's face was deathly pale, an almost sickly green tinge to it. By contrast, Ed's face was incredibly red, rage filling every line of his face. The men looked ominously at each other, silently preparing to hear the worst. The looks they had were of twin disgust and fear. Spike was staring at his knuckles again. They were shaking terribly. At the word touch, a tear ran down Spike's face.

"It was my fault they died. If I…if I had just taken some time. Used my brain…then maybe it wouldn't have happened" Self-loathing had filled Elizabeth's voice.

"Then Joe came. He saved me. I decided then that I wouldn't ever let another little girl go through what I did. I knew that I was made to keep the peace. To protect those who can't protect themselves. " Elizabeth finished her story with a sardonic smile. She was trying very hard to make light of a dire situation. She was afraid to look at the men around her, afraid to see the judgement in the gazes. She was aware that she skipped quite a bit of story. However, she didn't think that her going into graphic detail of the torture that was inflicted upon her was a great idea. Even as upset as she was, she could tell the men were struggling with the story. The living room had so much tension in it that Elizabeth was afraid that if she said anything more they would all break.

So instead, she sat, silently crying, hunched over the broken words she had said. Finally, Greg broke the silence.

"Thank you for sharing that, Elizabeth. I can't imagine how hard that must have been"

" _Don't negotiate me"_ The sharp words had been thrown before Elizabeth even realized she had opened her mouth. She was trembling, with sorrow or rage, she wasn't sure. But she was sure as hell that she wasn't playing Greg's game.

Sarge sat back, raising his hands to show he wasn't going to do anything, his eyes rapidly assessing Elizabeth's form.

"I wasn't trying to negotiate you. I'm sorry it seemed that way. I just want to talk" Despite Sarge's words, the tone was the same. That godawful tone that wasn't supposed to be used with her.

"About what? You know everything now…all of it. _You_ " Elizabeth indicated Greg alone "Knew it all from the beginning. What is there to say? What more can I say?"

"How about you're still on the team? We have your back. Or that we love you? _Or maybe it wasn't your fault_?" Ed asked, staring straight at Elizabeth with a molten hot gaze. "What about what they did to you? What that man did when he touched you?"

"What about those things? Why aren't they important to say?" Ed asked, pushing Elizabeth.

"No, you don't understand. You. Don't. Understand. You can't. I was so reckless when I came in, I knew something was wrong and I didn't listen to it. This is my fault, it is. If I had—"Elizabeth was cut off mid rant.

"Had what? Snuck up on those bastards and what? What could you have done?" Ed was pushing harder now. Elizabeth wanted to scream in frustration. They didn't know anything. She settled for banging her hands on the coffee table.

"Elizabeth help us understand. What are we missing?" Greg coached.

"I could have done something. They died because of me. I killed my parents!" The last sentence came out as a high pitched wail of agony. Elizabeth wasn't trying to talk anymore. She had stood up from her seat in agitation. However, after being folded for so long, her legs failed to support her. She fell to the ground and buried her head in her hands, rocking slightly. Her entire frame shook as heaving sobs torn through her mouth. All she could focus on was the white hot pain flooding her veins. She missed her parents so badly. Their faces flashed through her mind, jolting her like flashes of lightening.

Snot and tears mixed on Elizabeth's face. She was crying so hard that she didn't even realize that there was another body, holding her, cradling her with gentle, loving arms. She didn't hear the whispered validations and comfort. She missed how the arms gently wiped away the tears and snot with tissues.

Elizabeth missed everything as she fell apart in Spike's arms.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint.**

Chapter 11

 **A/N I wrote this chapter with the premise that Sarge, Ed, and Spike would need to know some of the more traumatic details of Elizabeth's kidnapping. I'm not sure if that would be exactly protocol, or even asked, but for the sake of the plot, it is. I want to make it clear here that Elizabeth isn't being forced to disclose anything and she absolutely IS NOT going to be reprimanded, fired, suspended, or any sort of punishment as a result of her disclosure. Again, it is simply for the sake of the plot line. My reasoning is that Ed, as team leader, and Greg, as Sergeant, need to know their team. After all, they are like family. Anyway, Ed and Greg need to know triggers and issues that their team members have or face. They ask Elizabeth mainly out of concern and love for her, but also to make sure they can keep her, and the rest of the team safe. I'm sorry for the drawn out explanation…I just felt like I needed to explain. I don't tread lightly writing about traumatic events and I wanted my intentions to be clear and understood. Happy readying, and as always, leave me a note. x**

Elizabeth finally felt the flow or tears halting. She felt hollow, a shell of her formal self. Despite this she finally felt free from the terrible pain of her parents' deaths. She felt the hurt but finally there was someone else there with her. Joe had always been there for her, but not like this. He had distracted her every anniversary. He had faithfully woken her up from the night terrors, had held her as she cried. But she had never ever admitted her guilt to him.

The guilt had laid its scaled head in Elizabeth's stomach. There it had eaten away at her for years. Its grip was so ingrained that Elizabeth didn't know how to function without it. Now that the crushing weight was gone, Elizabeth felt off kilter. She allowed herself to be coddled in Spike's hold. She even pushed herself further into his chest, and relaxed when his arms gripped her tighter. She never wanted to move from this moment.

For the first time since she had made that fateful trip home, Elizabeth felt safe.

Slowly, the world came back into focus. She heard Ed and Sarge quietly talking. They were quiet enough that Elizabeth couldn't make out individual words but loud enough that she knew they were conversing. Spike was holding her tightly. Almost too tight; her chest was protesting from the strength in his arms. He too was speaking. He was murmuring words of comfort to her, reassuring her that she was okay, telling her how proud he was, and that it wasn't her fault.

Elizabeth then made the herculean effort to move her head. As she shifted her head form Spike's chest, his flow of words ceased, along with Ed and Sarge's conversation. Spike's arms loosened slightly, only to tighten as he repositioned his grip so he could now see her face. Brown eyes bored into hers. She see the emotions swirling around in the oaky depths. The strongest emotion seemed to be concern, closely followed by relief.

Elizabeth closed her eyes and leaned her head back against Spike's shoulder. She didn't want to deal with the three men around her. She didn't want to deal with anything.

"Elizabeth?" Spike's voice rumbled through his chest, vibrating against Elizabeth's ear.

She cracked an eye open and peered curiously at Spike.

"You here with us?" Spike questioned, his body had tensed as he asked, as if he expected something bad to happen.

Elizabeth opened her mouth to answer but found her voice gone. She cleared her throat painfully and responded hoarsely saying "I'm here".

Spike's relief was so palpable that guilt rushed through Elizabeth. She felt awful about worrying him so much.

"Lizzie, Spike's gonna take you to bed, okay? Greg said. "Just sleep, okay?" He had crouched down next to Spike and Elizabeth. His hand was extended like he wanted to touch her, but at the last second he held back. Elizabeth was ashamed. She was remembering how she had snapped at Sarge. She almost wanted to cry all over again.

"I'm so sorry" Elizabeth croaked out as a single tear dripped down her face.

Greg's face softened. He wiped away the tear from her face saying "I'm not mad, honey. It's okay"

Elizabeth could only nod. Sarge squeezed her shoulder and Elizabeth felt Spike shift his weight. His arms went from encircling her to cradling her back and legs. Before Elizabeth knew it, she was hoisted into the hair as Spike stood up. He held her body close to him and she shamelessly buried her face in his chest. She was content to let Spike fight her battles right now. She heard the men talking in the background, but couldn't focus enough to care.

" _Do you think something is wrong?"_

" _She's just exhausted. She's been trying to sleep all day. Plus, telling that story must have taken a lot out of her. I think she finally just gave in"_

" _What did that sick son of a bitch do to her?"_

" _I know you're upset, but just relax for her. We can finish tomorrow, but she deserves a night of peace"_

" _I'm know, I know. I don't want to hear the answer"_

" _No one does, Ed, no one"_

" _You're planning on staying here with her, right?"_

" _Of course, there's no way in hell I could ever walk away from her right now"_

" _How are you holding up?"_

" _I'm not important right now"_

" _Spike—we are going to talk about this later"_

" _Copy that"_

Elizabeth felt her body being lowered into her bed. Covers were pulled over her and hands stroked her hair. She circled against her pillows like a cat, balling herself up. As she finally allowed her body to sleep, she felt lips his her forehead. Elizabeth fell asleep with a smile on her lips.

Elizabeth was screaming. Blood curdling screams. She was arching against the restraints that bound her wrists and legs. Her back was burning and she could feel the hot drip of blood sliding down her back and legs. Suddenly, someone was here. Lights had burst into view overhead and she couldn't see from the blinding white lights.

Arms were encircling her, grasping her flailing limbs and holding them down. Terror shot through Elizabeth and she redoubled her efforts to escape. The hand unexpectedly retreated and Elizabeth rolled, falling onto the floor into a crouch. Her eyes had finally adjusted to the light. She straightened and looked towards her attacker.

Spike was standing on the other side of the bed. His arms were raised, palms extended. He was wearing sweatpants but no shirt. His face was grim; his eyes contained real fear in them. Elizabeth took in the rest of the room. Her eyes landed on a gun on the nightstand next to Spike. It wasn't her gun. Hers was safely contained in the gun locker that she always used at home. Why was Spike in her bedroom with a gun?

Spike spoke "Elizabeth, it's okay, honey. It's just me and you here". Elizabeth continued to stare at Spike, her eyes flickering from him to the gun. Spike seemed to understand.

"I'm not using the gun. You were screaming. I thought someone was hurting you. I had my gun because I wanted to protect you. Here, look" At that, Spike cautiously stepped towards the gun. He picked it up and quickly dismantled the clip and shed the bullet from the chamber. With that task done, he swiftly stepped away and resumed his previous position with his hands up.

Elizabeth slumped back into the bed. The vivid memory was slowly swirling away, leaving her able to process the real events in front of her. Spike, Spike was here. It was just Spike. No one else. The adrenaline that had been coursing through her body left as suddenly as it appeared, leaving Elizabeth with a wave of tiredness.

Elizabeth hung her head, equal parts exhausted and ashamed. "I'm so sorry, Spike. So sorry" She was mortified.

"It's okay, these things happen" Spike said "Don't apologize for having a nightmare. I have them too"

Spike carefully sat on the side of the bed. Elizabeth laid back down, too tired to really care about how it looked right now or being rude.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Spike carefully asked.

"No, I just want to go back to sleep" Elizabeth said, her words slurring from tiredness.

"I can see that" Spike's voice contained poorly held back mirth.

Elizabeth frowned, turning her head towards Spike's voice.

"It's not funny. Why are you laughing at me?"

"I'm not laughing Lizzie Lou. I could never laugh at you" Spike said, the same mirth present in his voice.

"Yes you are" came the adamant, albeit sleep slurred, reply.

"Just sleep, Lizzie, I'll watch out for the bad guys" Spike coaxed. He sounded like a father talking to his toddler.

"Oookay, be careful. The bad guys have guns" Elizabeth breathed out as she fell back asleep. She didn't see the humor leave Spike's eyes as she talked about the bad guys. She didn't feel him gently pull the comforter out from under her and drape it over her body. Finally, she didn't see him kick his feet up and lean back on the pillows next to her, his face serious. She didn't know that he laid there for hours, watching for the bad guys like he promised.

Elizabeth slowly felt herself waking up. She rolled over in her bed, stretching. Frowning, she realized that she was wearing the same clothes that she had the day before. However, all thoughts flew from her mind when she looked over at her alarm clock. It read 10:16. Elizabeth cursed loudly and tried to get out of bed. Her legs were tangled in the sheets and she ended up falling onto the floor.

Cursing, Elizabeth tried to extricate herself from the blasted sheets. Her bedroom door burst open and Spike filled the doorway, his gun out and face grave. Elizabeth could only stare, her frantic motions stopping form surprise. Spike tore through her room, entering the bathroom and clearing it before coming out to stand in front of Elizabeth.

"Uh, hello?" Elizabeth quasi-asked, too confused to really form rational thoughts.

"Geez, way to give a guy a heart attack, Lizzie. I thought someone was murdering you"

Elizabeth could only stare at him with wide eyes. The events of last night were only now being processed.

"Liz?" Spike questioned again, bending down and untangling her legs from the sheets.

"Uh, aren't we supposed to be on shift right now? We are like…what 5 hours late?" Elizabeth spluttered out as she allowed Spike to manhandle her legs.

Spike just laughed.

"What? Ed and Sarge are going to kill us! And why are you still here? No, never mind, why the hell didn't you wake me up?!" Elizabeth was working herself up into quite a frenzy.

"Lizzie, Relax!" Spike instructed, causing Elizabeth to freeze her frantic movements. "They gave us the day off, you weren't in great shape last night, so I stayed here with you. I didn't wake you up because you need sleep" Spike explained, his tone slightly amused at Elizabeth's confusion. "How are you feeling this morning?"

Elizabeth took a minute to assess. She felt…drained wasn't the right word but she was emotionally tired. Her body felt refreshed. Her chest ached from the bullet she had taken, and her hands stung a little. But otherwise, she hadn't felt so well rested in a while. She felt some measure of shame from her breakdown the night before. This shame crept up until it was in the forefront of her thoughts, staining her cheeks red with embarrassment.

"I'm fine, uh thanks, for, you know, last night" Elizabeth stuttered, not looking at Spike.

There was a long pause. Elizabeth refused to be the one to break it. Instead, she carefully stood up and sat back down on her mused bed.

"No thanks necessary, Lizzie Lou!" Spike chirped, happily. He too, plopped down on Elizabeth's bed. His tone sobered as he said "Liz, we gotta talk about last night, though. No one's is mad or anything at all—"he quickly said, accurately guessing Elizabeth's fear, "but you said some…we need to clarify…uh, clarify some details. It's just because we are worried, Lizzie. You're not in trouble or you don't have to talk to us if you really really don't want to but, we would all really appreciate it" Spike stuttered though the last part of his speech. Clearly something was bothering him. Something about what Elizabeth had said.

Elizabeth took a moment to review what she remembered about last night. Nothing stood out as particularly troubling. She had told the truth, just like they asked. Maybe they did blame her for her parents' deaths.

"Would you feel okay talking with me about it? Or do you want Sarge, or Ed, or really anyone. It's completely up to you" Spike said, his words blurring together.

"Uh, we can talk. But could I shower first? I feel pretty grimy from yesterday" Elizabeth asked.

"Oh, yeah! Of course! I'll make some coffee while you clean up. Take your time" Spike said. He squeezed her hand and rose from the bed, heading towards the kitchen.

Elizabeth sat for a minute longer. She wished she could go back 24 hours and undo what had happened. If she had just called in sick, none of this would have happened. Instead, she got herself into this mess because she was unable to turn away from work. Getting up, Elizabeth gathered clean clothes for the day and headed into her bathroom. A shower would feel nice, and hopefully it would calm her down.

Twenty minutes later Elizabeth was on her way to the kitchen. The aroma of coffee was beckoning her. However, she stopped when she heard Spike's voice on the phone. Elizabeth knew she shouldn't eavesdrop, but she couldn't help herself. She pressed her back to the hallway wall and listened to Spike, whom she reasoned based on his voice, was in the living room.

"She seems to be back to her old self this morning" Spike was staying. Elizabeth quickly deduced that he must be talking to Ed or Sarge.

"She had a nightmare last night. It was bad"

Elizabeth grew annoyed. Couldn't Spike keep that embarrassing experience between them?

"I'm not sure…I don't know but I think so"

Elizabeth would have given almost anything to hear the other end of the conversation now. Spike wasn't giving enough context clues for her to guess.

"I'm going to try this morning. I'll let you know later"

Elizabeth realized this as Spike saying goodbye. Quickly, she turned and headed to her original destination. As she entered the kitchen she gravitated towards the coffee pot. Elizabeth grabbed a cup off the counter and filled it with the delicious drink.

"Taste okay?" A voice asked just as Elizabeth took a sip.

Elizabeth jumped, spilling coffee on her hands.

"Fuck! Spike, I forgot you were here!" Elizabeth gasped. What she really meant was she didn't realize he had finished the conversation so quickly. She set her coffee down and ran her hand over cold water to sooth the burning sensation.

Spike just laughed again, getting up to join Elizabeth by the sink. "Do any serious damage?"

Elizabeth took her hand out of the stream of water and examined it "No, just my pride…again" Elizabeth moaned.

Both went to sit at the kitchen table. Elizabeth nursed her coffee cup and Spike leaned back in the kitchen chair. For a little bit, both sat in companionable silence. Elizabeth drank her coffee and Spike seemed lost in thought. As Elizabeth got up to get her second cup of coffee, Spike finally broke the silence.

"Did you decide about who you would like to talk to?" he said in a quiet, calm voice.

Elizabeth was glad that her back was to Spike. This way he couldn't see the involuntary clenching of her hands when he brought up the talk that was yet to come.

"You" She said simply. She had given it some thought while she was in the shower. This was what Spike must have been referring to on the phone. She didn't want to talk to Sarge, that was for sure. He was so caring that she thought she may burst into tears at the very first sentence. He also had that patented negotiation voice that seemed to double as his concerned voice. She knew she couldn't hear that voice directed at her again anytime soon.

Ed was another choice. He reminded her greatly of Joe. The way he tended to get angry which was a disguise for the real emotion—sadness. She didn't feel like talking someone down, about her problems nonetheless. And she really didn't want to see the anger in his eyes. That anger served to ignite the dragon deep in her that she had tamed and shoved down. She didn't need to be justifiably angry about her parents. She needed to be a calm, collected, SRU officer.

That left her with Spike. He somehow managed to become a source of comfort for Elizabeth. He seemed to be able to anticipate her needs, know what exactly she wanted. He didn't have the tone that Sarge did. Didn't have the anger that Ed did. He was perfect.

"Liz…you know that I'll have to tell Ed and Sarge, right? I'm just making sure we are on the same page here" Spike said as Elizabeth returned to her seat, coffee mug in hand. "It's not like you're in trouble, we are just real worried here, Liz"

"I know that. It's fine. I just…I don't know, Spike. You are…you're just…I feel safe with you, okay? I'm sorry, I can talk to Sarge or Ed if that's easier, I don't mean to be a problem. I really don't. Oh god, never mind, let's go to the station, you don't have to do—"

Spike had put his hand over Elizabeth's mouth to stop her ramble.

"Hey, I'm glad you feel safe with me. I wouldn't volunteer if I didn't want to help, Lizzie…" Spike trailed off, he seemed to be struggling with himself over what to say. It was obvious that he wanted to add more, but didn't seem confident enough. Eventually he landed on "Lizzie, you're important to me. You can trust me"

Elizabeth nodded. It sounded like Spike meant more in his words than they conveyed. She wasn't sure how to interpret them. She didn't need to think about it anymore because Spike started talking again.

"You, uh, you said something last night that we need to know more about" Spike started. "Well, not need, but that we see as important we know"

"I know" Elizabeth replied, "You said that already".

"It's about when they had you Liz" Spike's tone was apologetic. It seemed like he didn't want to talk about this as much as Elizabeth didn't want to.

Understanding flashed through Elizabeth. She remembered her recap from the night before. She had said " _The-the man, the main one, he l-liked me. Said no one could…t-touch me but him"._ Elizabeth wanted to groan at her stupidity. Why had she said that? The only reason she could think of was the sheer mind-numbing exhaustion that she had fallen under yesterday.

In the time that Elizabeth had taken to remember the night before, Spike had opened his mouth and continued forward.

"See you said that he liked you, Elizabeth. How did he like you?" Each word was deliberate. Spike's voice had an eerily calm tone to it.

Elizabeth matched his tone. "He liked me a whole lot" She paused for a moment, unsure how to continue. She saw Spike closed his eyes for a second and the tension that filled his body.

"If you're asking what he did, then the answer is yes. Please don't make me give you the play by play". Elizabeth said. She hated the pleading quality that had crept its way into her tone at the end.

"Oh, Liz, you don't have to do anything that you don't want to. No one is forcing you to do anything, okay? No one"

Spike's voice grew in volume towards the end of his reassurances. Elizabeth offered him a slight smile, more of a grimace than anything else.

"Well, I assume that was what you were worried about…I'm fit for duty. I have been cleared physically but several doctors. I have been cleared psychologically. I just have some battle scars"

As Elizabeth stopped talking, she peered at Spike. His jaw was clenched and he was looking anywhere but at her. To her intense surprise, she saw tears glistening on his upper lids. It seemed that he was taking this much more seriously than she ever gave him credit for. She felt her heart swell with love for her teammate. She was blown away by the fact that someone could be so caring, that someone could allow their hearts to lay so open that Elizabeth's tattered remains could spark such emotion.

"Hey, Spike, it's okay, you know?" Elizabeth gently queried.

Spike's head whipped up so fast she was sure that he must have pulled a muscle in his neck.

"No. _No_. Elizabeth, you don't need to do that. Don't do that" Spike looked highly upset with himself.

"I'm not doing anything, Spike. I'm just…I don't really know, you know? It's a lot that's been going on and I just don't want to push my worries on someone else"

Spike was shaking his head before she could even finish. "Absolutely not, Elizabeth. I wouldn't be here, Ed and Sarge wouldn't have come last night if we didn't want to. You're not doing anything to us that we don't know and accept"

"I don't know, Spike. I don't know what to feel or what to do. All I know is that the SRU is where I was born to be. I can help there" Elizabeth said, her tone morose.

"And the SRU is where you will stay. You don't have to know what to do or what to feel. I'll stand next to you every step of the way, I'll be as close or as far away as you want" There was a ring of finality to Spike's promise. As if he was determined to keep that pledge no matter what. Elizabeth hated to push him away, but she couldn't let him harbor the illusion that she would suddenly crack open and reveal her deepest secrets.

"Spike…there are just some wounds that can't heal. You learn to live with the pain. I'm not going to plunge into those. I have spent the better part of 15 years trying to build up my tolerance. Don't ask me to open that again. I won't survive it this time." Elizabeth pleaded.

She knew that Spike could help. She also knew that she would be better of talking about the chaos of her soul, the cracks in her heart that she didn't think were mendable. But when it came to is, Elizabeth couldn't make herself jump.

Spike seemed to be at a loss for words. He looked appalled, there were tears gathering in his eyes. This time it was Elizabeth reaching out and placing her hand on Spike's. She squeezed his hand, hard, letting the touch do the speaking. It wasn't a gentle caress, or a loving touch. It was a hard squeeze, translating the conflicted emotions and sheer fear that Elizabeth felt. In response, Spike rotated his wrist so they were now holding hands. While Elizabeth's touch was hard and unyielding, his was strong and supportive. Even in touch, Spike was catching Elizabeth.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint**

 **Chapter 12**

 **A/N This chapter deals with some hard topics. It has mentions of suicide and rape. This is the warning. Please don't read if you might be triggered. These will be discussed in this chapter, so if you continue reading, be prepared. I did my best to try to make this as realistic Please forgive any errors I made in the call seen. Those are definitely not my forte. As always, please leave your thoughts for me! Thank you for reading!**

It had been one month since Elizabeth had told Spike what had happened. In that month there seemed to have been a significant shift in their relationship. Spike was suddenly everywhere. He wasn't obtrusive; in fact there had been many times that Elizabeth was unaware that Spike had been lingering in the wings. However, there he was. It would have irritated Elizabeth if it weren't for the fact that he wasn't going macho man on her. He didn't question her judgement; didn't impede on her autonomy.

Elizabeth rode with Spike to calls, practices close-quarters with him, and generally ended up talking to him. She listened while Spike prattled on about Babycakes; explaining to her the inner details that she would never understand. Nevertheless she listened patiently, asking questions to which she didn't understand the answer to. She put on her game face and sat through dinners with his parents. Spike, in turn, let Elizabeth drag him on long trail runs and beat him up in close quarters. She was gaining valuable muscle and keeping her body top shape since she now have a live, fully trained practice dummy to train with at her every whim. He endured Joe interrogating him on a web call. Both of them indulged in countless coffee runs.

There had been a few accidental sleepovers in Elizabeth's living room. Spike had been outraged when he found that Elizabeth had never seen The Godfather. He had then commandeered her TV, obtained pizza and beer and forced Elizabeth to sit and watch with him; for her education, of course. Elizabeth then decided that Spike needed to see Legally Blonde. They then began a cycle of picking the most stereotypical movies they could find in a genre and watching them together.

Elizabeth was happy about her newfound friendship with Spike. She knew that part of it was born out of his concern for her. But she also knew that he now stayed because he genuinely enjoyed her company. However, Ed and Sarge hadn't been as subtle. Whereas Sarge had taken to simply checking in with her more often than usual, Ed had been refusing to let her take any tactical positions. She was being relegated time and time again to the truck and to questioning witness and intel gathering. She was sick of it. She was good at tactical. She was great at tactical. She was fast, and damn if she wasn't the best at rappelling and roof entries the team had. She was being wasted on this. The team wasn't functional.

Elizabeth was trying incredibly hard to hold her tongue. She was the rookie. She hadn't earned a right to complain about the assignments or contest Ed's decisions. However, Ed had all the subtlety of a grenade. He didn't even try to disguise his newfound bias. Elizabeth had had enough after one horrific case.

The team had been called out to another jumper. As they speed towards the location, they were fed information from Bonnie. The team found out that the subject had raped. She couldn't handle the aftermath and decided to end her life. Sarge had immediately stepped down as negotiator when hearing that news. He knew that he wouldn't be able to help her the way she needed. Elizabeth was expecting to be put on negotiations. Sure, Jules had more experience, but Elizabeth _knew._ She could help. She could protect.

So when Ed had assigned Jules to negotiations in Sarge's steed, Elizabeth finally objected.

" _Ed, let me negotiate, I can connect with her better than Jules on this one" Elizabeth said into the com link. She was sitting next to Spike, as usual, in a truck, speeding towards the building where the subject was. Spike glanced at her when she said that and shot her a supportive smile. He had been the recipient of many rants about her new status on the team. He had been encouraging her for day one to speak with Ed. It was Elizabeth who wanted to try and ride out the storm._

" _The last thing the subject needs is you talking, Cadden. I said Jules will negotiate, copy?" Ed's curt response came. Elizabeth froze. She couldn't believe that he had just said that. Her stomach turned into ice. After a few seconds she realized that there had been an actual question at the end of that insult._

" _Copy that, sir" Elizabeth said emotionlessly. With that she turned off her com link and ripped it from her ear, tearing some of her hair out in the process. Her mind was reeling from what had just transpired. From the corner of her eye, she saw Spike switching off his mike._

" _Don't" Elizabeth said, raising her hand to Spike. "Just don't" Her voice was embarrassingly strangled and high pitched. The way it gets when she is about to cry. She would never admit it, but Ed's rebuke had cut her to the core. How dare he use that against her. How dare he! She was a fucking SRU agent. If he didn't think she was capable of the job, then why the fuck was she here?_

 _Elizabeth leaned forward in her seat, burying her face in her hands. She allowed herself approximately 30 seconds to feel the anger, embarrassment, and deep hurt before she took a breath and straightened again. Clearing her throat she shot Spike a significant look that read "do not talk to me" and replaced her com link, turning the channel back on. Her hand swiped under her eyes in a swift motion, removing any evidence of her distress. She then took a minute to affix her game face. By the time the team was jumping from the cars into action, her face was set in an expressionless mask._

 _Jules hadn't been able to connect. The girl jumped. She was 15._

 _Everyone walked silently back to their trucks. The call had been a disaster all around. Jules hadn't been able to make a connection and Sam and Ed weren't fast enough rappelling from above to catch the subject as she let go of the railing. Elizabeth had watched from the ground as her body fell. She was with the girl's mother. They had been on the way to the truck when her daughter stepped off. She wasn't supposed to be there. She wasn't supposed to see that. She would have been able to talk her down. She would have been faster rappelling. She could have saved her. It would have been a routine save. The rappelling was easy. It was routine. Routine. The only glitch was the timing. It would have been fast. Fast is what the SRU does. Elizabeth is fast. Instead, it was Ed and Sam and the girl was on the ground._

 _Elizabeth was pulled from her frozen horror when the girl's mother screamed and started to run forwards. Elizabeth lunged, catching the woman before she could go far. There was no way that Elizabeth would let her see that. Procedure dictated that Elizabeth restrain the woman. But even without procedure, Elizabeth would have stopped her. No mother needed to see the gore that used to be the daughter she loved dearly. The woman was now screaming, completely inconsolable she fought against Elizabeth._

 _Elizabeth did her best to hold her back without doing any harm. She let the woman rain blows on her chest and shoulders. She didn't flinch when one of her errant hands hit her squarely in the jaw, momentarily taking her breath away. She kept her game face on and slowly maneuvered them back, away from the scene. She continued to hold the woman as she collapsed, her fight replaced by agony. Elizabeth stayed there, strong in the face of heartbreak._

 _Elizabeth got into the truck and sat rigidly, not letting one muscle relax. She was in control, she was not going to lose it. A voice was screaming in her head that if Ed had just let her negotiate the girl might still be alive. If Ed hadn't used Elizabeth's past against her a mother may not have watched her daughter step off of a ten story balcony. If Ed had trusted Elizabeth as a member of the team, lives may not have been shattered. Fuck. FUCK. But she wasn't going to let that turmoil show. Now, more than ever she was going to remain impassive, solider strong. She. Was. Not. Soft._

 _Spike got in the car a few minutes after Elizabeth. Elizabeth saw him looking at her, but she refused to entertain his gaze. Nothing would distract her from her from her stone impression. Elizabeth didn't flinch when Ed came over the radio, ordering the team to go back to the barn. She didn't react when Spike laid a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. Her face showed no emotion during the debrief where every mistake, and every missed opportunity for success, was rehashed. Elizabeth sat as the transcript read her protest and Ed's response. She felt the eyes on her and she looked resolutely ahead._

 _Then they got to the point where the subject had taken her last step. Ed stopped reading and leveled at look at Elizabeth._

" _Why in the hell was her mother outside, Elizabeth?"_

 _Elizabeth looked at him, unsurprised for the ridiculous accusation, but hurt by it nonetheless. If he needed a scapegoat, she would be it. She wasn't confident she was a part of the team after this call anyway. Either by choice, or by force._

" _I'm sorry, sir. We were in transit to the truck when the subject fell" Elizabeth said evenly, her gaze fixed unflinchingly on Ed._

" _Fell? She jumped. A mother watched her child jump to her death. You let that happen" Ed's words were harshly tossed at Elizabeth. Before she could say anything, Spike intervened, outraged._

" _Hey, that wasn't her fault at all. She had no control over that timing!"_

" _She led a subject's mother in front of the building the subject was about to jump off of. What about that is not in her control?"_

 _Elizabeth could hear the breath that Spike took next to her at that one. Before Spike could open his mouth to reply, Elizabeth had responded. "Sir, I take complete responsibility. I did not execute my duties professionally or successfully and I apologize. It will not happen again"._

 _Elizabeth could feel Sam staring at her. Hell she could feel the whole team staring at her. However, she knew Sam would see what she was doing. He would see the soldier stature, the trained set of the mouth, the expressionless eyes. He heard the engrained responses and the automatic "sirs". Sam would see that she had shut down and gone into crisis mode. He would see that because there was absolutely nothing to see. Just as they train you in Special Forces to look when you are a prisoner or war._

" _Eddie" Sarge said at that point. His tone was a clear directive for Ed to stop._

" _Alright, moving on" Sarge said. Elizabeth didn't hear one word that came next. She expected for Ed to be hard on her. But she thought that Sarge may intervene. After all, it was clear to everyone else, or so she hoped, that she hadn't done anything wrong. By her Sergeant letting his Team Leader belittle her like that it spoke volumes about her worth._

Elizabeth did not let her mask falter for a second until she was safely in her apartment. Once there she stood, lost, for several minutes, just staring at the floor. Her keys and bag slipped off her numb fingers and she sank to her knees. She couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't watch people die because of her. Time passed and she remained there, frozen on her knees. Then Elizabeth's phone rang, breaking the trance. Elizabeth shifted through her jumbled bag to find the ringing device. Upon finding it she looked at the screen. It was flashing Ed Lane.

Elizabeth dropped the phone and got to her feet. She had to lean against the wall for several minutes while the circulation restored to her aching legs. When she could move without falling, Elizabeth scooped up her keys and headed to her car. She was in the car and on the road before she thought through her plan. She decided she didn't care and continued on her way. She couldn't afford to let herself care right now. Soon she was pulling into a neighborhood and parking in front of a quaint house.

She got out of her car and walked to the side door and knocked. She waited anxiously, her hands tapping out nervous rhythms on her legs. After what felt like an eternity, she knocked again. Just as she was about to turn away, the door was opened and a sleepy looking Spike was standing in front of her. He was wearing sweatpants and a ripped tee-shirt. His hair was sticking up everywhere and his eyes were clouded over with exhaustion. However, when he saw her, his eyes turned sharp.

Elizabeth didn't say anything. She just stepped forward and allowed him to envelope her into a tight hug. Only then did she start crying. Once she started, she was sobbing her body heaving from the emotions she had shoved down all day. Spike gently guided her backwards, shutting the door. He managed to negotiate them both to his sofa. There, he sank down and Elizabeth curled against him, still crying. She cried for the teenage girl who took her life. She cried because she couldn't help. She cried because it was her fault. She cried because, once again, she wasn't enough.

Slowly she stopped crying. Elizabeth laid there, letting Spike run his hands though her hair and down her back. She listened to the soothing words her was murmuring and felt his heartbeat underneath her splayed palm. She didn't move from her position though-needing the unconditional comfort that Spike was giving. Spike didn't stop his ministrations, he merely continued his soothing gestures, allowing Elizabeth to dictate the terms. Elizabeth could feel the agony in her gut. It sat like an ember, burning a hole, but not hot enough to end things quickly through fire. Just hot enough that it was a constant reminder.

Elizabeth appreciated Spike's passiveness that more that she would ever be able to express. Right now this was exactly what she needed. She didn't want to talk or to do anything now. She just wanted to sit and listen to Spike's heart beating under her ear. It was the one thing anchoring her right now. It was slow and steady, just like Spike. She laid there for a seemingly endless amount of time. Elizabeth felt a slight pressure on the crown of her head, almost as if Spike had kissed her.

Finally, she felt ready to voice the thoughts that had been swirling so viciously around her brain.

"Spike?" She asked in a small voice. She trusted Spike, but a small part of her was still afraid of him rejecting her.

"Yeah, Liz?" Spike answered quietly, his hand still stroking her back.

"Can we talk about it now?" Elizabeth didn't care that her voice sounded incredibly fragile. She didn't care how needy she was right now. She didn't care about anything but the man in front of her. Or rather, behind her.

"Yeah, Lizzie, we can talk about it" Spike reassured in the same gentle tone, so different than the one Ed has used to reprimand her earlier. Relief flooded through the weary agent's body. She had been afraid he might say no. She wasn't sure what she would have done in that situation.

Elizabeth sucked in a deep breath of air and said "I could have saved her" She felt Spike nod against her head. "She didn't have to die. I could have saved her"

"I know you could have" Spike affirmed. Elizabeth both appreciated the validation and hated it. She would have resented Spike for saying that she couldn't—essentially doubting her abilities just as Ed had. However, his affirmation only added to the heartbreak. Spike was acknowledging that this life wasn't supposed to be lost and Elizabeth had been the key to saving her.

Elizabeth was trying to formulate a calm response. She didn't want to yell at Spike accidentally. It wasn't his fault for this mess. However, she found herself speaking, words spilling from her lips before she could stop them. They were the words she wanted to yell at Ed when he told her she couldn't connect. They were the words that she wanted to scream at him in the de brief when Jules had begun her negotiations and failed.

"I could have helped. I know what she was feeling, dammit. I _know._ It's the same feelings I get when I have nightmares, the same ones that I get when I look in the mirror and see the scars. _I know"_

The aftermath of her words was total and complete silence. The silence stretched between them, uncharacteristically tense. Spike's hands had faltered in their movement before picking back up again. Their touch was just as light, but his hands were shaking. Spike was first to say something.

"Do you feel like that now?" Spike's voice had taken on a deeper tone, the one Elizabeth had discovered was reserved for serious conversations.

"No," Elizabeth mumbled into his chest.

"Have you felt like that lately?" Came the next question.

"Not really" Elizabeth murmured, beginning to see where this was heading.

"What does not really mean? Does it mean no, or you have?" Spike's questioning was starting to get a little more aggressive.

"It means no" Elizabeth sighed.

"But you want to die?" This was phrased as a question but it almost sounded like a statement the man's voice. An accusation.

"No, I don't. What I mean is I feel the shame, the guilt, the self loathing when I remember what happened to me. But what I also remember is the love for my parents, the truth that it wasn't my fault and he's the shameful one, not me. I remember how strong I was to survive something so horrible. I remember how proud Joe is of me and how much he loves me. I remember the good. That's what she needed to hear, Spike. Not questions about what happened. She needed to hear from me to her that life progresses. That eventually, you will sleep through the night. Eventually you heal. She needed me to tell her how I understand, because I actually understand not because I say I do"

Elizabeth fell silent again, contemplating the call once more.

"I'm proud of you Lizzie" Spike said seriously. Elizabeth could hear his voice rumbling beneath her ear, it was strangely soothing.

Elizabeth scoffed at that statement. She felt about an inch tall right now and was sure whatever scraps of her dignity that were still intact were on their way towards becoming confetti.

"Spike I just burst into your home in the middle of the night and cried all over you." Elizabeth reminded him. "I just let a girl die because my feeling got hurt. I had the words to save her. We both know that"

"You were hurting and you came for help. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for staying strong while Ed's busy being an asshole. I'm proud of you for keeping your cool today. But I'm so proud that you came to me, Lizzie. That must have been hard" Spike's voice held so much conviction that Elizabeth had not doubt that he was telling the truth. "It wasn't your fault, Lizzie. It wasn't your fault"

"I wish I had been able to help" Elizabeth finally said. It wasn't supposed to be like this in the elite of the elite. The SRU was supposed to be the people turned to when professionals couldn't handle the situation. She was distraught that a life had been lost because of petty games and biases. The SRU was supposed to protect. They failed today. They screwed up and someone died. "We are supposed to protect"

They both laid there in silence. Elizabeth felt the ember in her gut flare and she shifted, pressing herself closer into Spike. The arms around her tightened, holding Elizabeth snug against a warm chest and pressing her head into a strong shoulder.

"It hurts so much" The broken sentence that had escaped Elizabeth's mouth was heartbreaking.

"I know" was Spike's soft reply, his breath tickling her ear. "I know"

"Make it stop" Elizabeth begged. "Please"

She didn't see the tears running down Spike's face as he replied "I can't".


End file.
